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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

977 replies

BelladiMamma · 30/12/2021 15:33

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond
OP posts:
Thread gallery
12
ReturnOfTheBunk · 06/01/2022 19:18

Ok I'm back-back I think!

News from here - worked out but in a good way.

Definitely feeling the thread vibe as in "a time for reviewing and reflecting and perhaps improving" so having Deep Thoughts about planning this year, etc etc.

News on the iron front!

Kind of feeling a bit frustrated with the MrHedgehog situation (sparse contact, he's still abroad and not really sure what's going on and I don't feel up to pushing).

Plus also I've got the vibe he had a messy breakup more recently than I thought and maybe not over that?), so "sitting on my hands for now" and just going to give it a couple weeks and let the xmas period blow over before making any decisions.

I think he's just worked out/sort of got a promotion a lot earlier than expected

And "making full professor in a pandemic when your family is in another country and you're going through a messy breakup " hasn't been that good for him and his messages have been a bit terse? (feeling you there @WeWantTheFinestWines I got a message that was just complaining and tbh I didn't reply for a few days!)

But equally "not my circus, not my monkeys" and I have my own work challenges so am not going to overfunction here.

This sounds absolutely cunty (in a feminist kind of way good) but we took a similar qualification pathway and I've realised I'm outperforming him in many ways (I got a higher classification than MrMilitary too hahahahaha) whilst being chilled out and fit and cute so meh.

@ButterflyOfShay love the new username and glad you're thinking about making some decisions with self-care etc this year.

It really is a journey we're all on, I don't any of us are ever really emotionally "complete" we just take small steps on the way and little positive changes add up! (and try to help each other muddle long).

Your posts are always 100% decent and kind and positive and that's such a great quality to have.

London next month is going to be a total laugh with us all there! Grin

(I guess it's time to start thinking about a WhatsApp group soon?)

ReturnOfTheBunk · 06/01/2022 19:21

@BelladiMamma

Hahahaha you're now the "one that got away" for MrActor.

Love the thought of you pimping out the Hugh Grants. I'm still knee-emotionally-deep in with the Igel (I KNOW it's my rescuer tendency clicking in and it is how it is) but I may pick one up if they're going spare? I think @Isitreallyme1277 likes poshoes so she can bagsy the other

ReturnOfTheBunk · 06/01/2022 19:24

This is very WOO but as some of us are talking about mental health, self-care, I've found this Twitter quite good?

twitter.com/dailyzen?ref_src=twsrc%5Egoogle%7Ctwcamp%5Eserp%7Ctwgr%5Eauthor

Heartbeats0708 · 06/01/2022 19:42

Loving the new usernames, I've been tempted to change mine just because I feel I've shared some outing details but I doubt I'll bother, I'm not that interesting!
@ReturnOfTheBunk I was singing the return of the Mack song with your previous NN so I'm glad you've gone for this ha. Pity about Mr Hog not quite panning out as it could have, agree with letting Xmas blow over though. As many of us on here noted, it was a tricky time of year. Count me in for the WA group, I'm confident I'm child free the weekend of the threadie meet it's just a case of sorting logistics.
Sounds a bit drama fuelled with Mr FavPlace too @WeWantTheFinestWines I had an ex like this, lurched from one "disaster" to the next but nothing really 'bad' he was just a drama queen. I found it exhausting and it was one of the many reasons we split, especially as I'm a bit of a fixer too and couldn't resist trying to help.

Silverchamber · 06/01/2022 21:48

Hi all. I've been a lurker for a good while, but thought I'd pop in. It's been brilliant being on these journeys with you all, OLD is a scary new world!

Separated in awful circumstances from my husband in June 2020 whilst Pregnant with second DC. It's been a rough 18 months where my mental health was just on the floor.

Now the youngest is doing longer stints with her dad, I've decided to get myself out there doing new things. I'm hoping for a decent FWB type situation, but really hoping its an easy going friendship with good sex. It seems this is harder to find than I'd anticipated!

Have a date zero with Mr Travel tomorrow, met on Bumble and he seems very interesting and exotic for my home town! Has worked all over the world, now owns a business in our closest Big City. Drink in the town more upmarket place, but I'll be on the soft drinks as I'm finishing a course of antibiotics after a covid Induced chest infection. Definitely need 2022 to be more fun 🤣

Fingers crossed for me, I'm a bit nervous!!

PurpleStripyScarf · 06/01/2022 23:10

@FabulousMrFifty I'm not surprised you feel that way - you were getting a hard time on one or two of those other threads, totally unjustifiably. Stick here with us - we're much nicer and we love your humour / insights / plumbing advice Grin

@ButterflyOfShay sorry you're feeling so rough. Hope you recover soon! And just wanted to say thanks again for your lovely words yesterday morning which really cheered me up. I snapped right out of my gloom and have been feeling much better since then.

@BelladiMamma since you're busy pimping, do you have any friends in the Surrey/London area? Grin

WeWantTheFinestWines · 06/01/2022 23:29

Mr FavPlace left a voice note saying thanks for the message and suggested a call but he had to be in bed by 10. Didn't sound particularly upbeat and I'm a night owl so I didn't have time before 10. heartbeats I'm not a fixer until I know and care for a person so any kind of drama puts me right off.

bunk up for a WA group. Have my accommodation all sorted (friend's house in zone 2) and can't wait!

staystrongish round birthdays can be really unsettling. I hope Mr Beard sticks around and adds some joy to your life.

silver good luck on your date! FWB is beginning to sound appealing to me. Maybe I should go down that route with Mr FavPlace, as I can't see him having headspace for a RS and I don't think I'd fall for him...

Stayingstrongish · 07/01/2022 04:52

@WeWantTheFinestWines thank you!

Does MrFavPlace have very early starts in the morning? I only go to bed by 10 when the kids are here as they often start at 5.30am!

Stayingstrongish · 07/01/2022 04:56

@Silverchamber separating while pregnant must have been a rough time. Well done for getting out there again. My ex left when my youngest was one, so I have young kids too.

Hope you enjoy your date! Sounds like he’ll have lots of stories.

Eesha · 07/01/2022 05:13

@Silverchamber good luck! He might be a good un so enjoy yourself.

Eesha · 07/01/2022 05:32

@WeWantTheFinestWines it sounds a bit like you are looking for reasons not to like Mr Favourite Place because your heart generally isn't into it.

Hello @ReturnBunk2 and @ButterflyOfShay and your new names. @BelladiMamma is Mr Dublin still here? I'm thrilled the weekend is nearly here....just one more day of work to get through. Not sure who said it but I'm also feeling very blah about work purely because I've had such fun away from things.

BelladiMamma · 07/01/2022 06:23

Welcome @Silverchamber 👋🏻 that sounds like a great place to start

@ReturnOfTheBunk yes there's always a grim satisfaction in being someone's 'lost' crush. But he's an idiot, I would have fallen head over heels for him if he'd been ready

@Eesha MrDublin is back this weekend, we are going to do one night together then walk the dogs and if any of our sleepy teens want to join us they can. We've got a bit of a 'let's see each other and then if and when teens want to join in neutral surroundings eg on a muddy hill somewhere then they can'. Just because all the teens had twigged that we were both very distracted by our dating lives. There is absolutely no sense of 'here's a really important person who might potentially disrupt your life', more of a 'Mum who's this bloke you keep giggling on the phone to?'

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 07/01/2022 06:25

@PurpleStripyScarf maybe we need to organise another meet which is just 'Bella pimping out her two unsuspecting posh friends'. We could call it 'four dates and a hook up' 🤪

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 07/01/2022 06:28

@cravingthelook and pp re ENM, MrDublin and I have agreed a MO. Let's see how it pans out. We are going to spend a set amount of time being exclusive whilst we explore through conversations what each is happy with eg his concerns about me having ongoing situations and my concerns about how and when he has his different things going on. We may even try to find a decent sex therapist who specialises in ENM relationships who can help us find a way through

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 07/01/2022 06:29

[quote cravingthelook]@BelladiMamma sit down and have a chat with Mr Poet. Explain how things currently are. Make sure you ask how he would like to progress.

If I was him I'd rather have this conversation [/quote]
We were able to talk last night and it was good. I let him know what the MO was with MrDublin and he's understanding about that and wants to stay in touch

OP posts:
BelladiMamma · 07/01/2022 06:32

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Mr FavPlace left a voice note saying thanks for the message and suggested a call but he had to be in bed by 10. Didn't sound particularly upbeat and I'm a night owl so I didn't have time before 10. heartbeats I'm not a fixer until I know and care for a person so any kind of drama puts me right off.

bunk up for a WA group. Have my accommodation all sorted (friend's house in zone 2) and can't wait!

staystrongish round birthdays can be really unsettling. I hope Mr Beard sticks around and adds some joy to your life.

silver good luck on your date! FWB is beginning to sound appealing to me. Maybe I should go down that route with Mr FavPlace, as I can't see him having headspace for a RS and I don't think I'd fall for him...

Get him pissed, make him laugh, sleep with him (safely) then decide if it's worth a FWB. He may have skills and attributes that you value ... ahem ... 🤪

Worth a try 🤷🏻‍♀️ 😁

OP posts:
FabulousMrFifty · 07/01/2022 07:19

@PurpleStripyScarf
Thanks, I mean who doesn’t love a bit of hardcore plumbing right ?

What other trade let’s you say, with a straight face, “it’s your ballcock, I’m afraid we need to replace it”.

When I seeing Ms Business I had to fix her flush, that needed a new ballcock, and no that’s not a euphemism…

Badbaddog · 07/01/2022 08:01

Morning all, lovely stories of progress from @Eesha and @BelladiMamma et al. And good luck @Silverchamber on your date zero.

@ButterflyOfShay really hope you’re feeling better today. I’m assuming Covid has held you back from the drink anyway, but just to say I’m still here with you, Day 6 of being dry completed. I had the munchies last night so Mr B toddled out at 9.45 to get milk for a hot chocolate to keep them at bay. Every time I think we’ve reached the end of the road he manages to show me what a good egg he is. Maybe I’ll keep him… but I actually miss dating!

Slothmomma · 07/01/2022 09:03

Morning all. Just a quick check in. Wanted to say I'm routing for all the dry January posters - I will probably do it by default as I'm not a big drinker however I really need to do a "no chocolate" January 🤦‍♀️ I've definitely put some weight on over Xmas that I need to shift so my work clothes don't look awful 🤦‍♀️

Spending weekend with Mr Mason and looking forward to seeing him after not seeing him for a week and half. I'm cooking tonight (first time) and we're eating out tomorrow night. Need to run round now and make house presentable before I head into work 😁

Catcrazy83 · 07/01/2022 09:04

How’s everyone going on dry January? first real test tonight. Out for a meal, both friends not massive drinkers but will be having wine I assume. I’m thinking about going t-total permanently. Trying to improve my jogging, pace currently 11.23, no idea if that’s good or bad, but it is better than a week ago
Grin
MrWa turned pretty nasty the past couple of days so I’ve had to block him, it’s strange I never saw any hint of that when I was with him, but clearly does not like rejection.

teesguy · 07/01/2022 09:56

First date with Ms Cycling tonight. We've chatted on the phone quite a bit so it will be mice to eventually meet up in person.

VanGoghsDog · 07/01/2022 10:33

[quote BelladiMamma]@cravingthelook and pp re ENM, MrDublin and I have agreed a MO. Let's see how it pans out. We are going to spend a set amount of time being exclusive whilst we explore through conversations what each is happy with eg his concerns about me having ongoing situations and my concerns about how and when he has his different things going on. We may even try to find a decent sex therapist who specialises in ENM relationships who can help us find a way through[/quote]
Try The Kink Shrink on FetLife I think she's near you too, but probably doesn't have any spaces right now though she might be able to give you details of someone else similar.

Heartbeats0708 · 07/01/2022 12:08

Good luck everyone on dates this weekend, have a fabulous time @Eesha and @Slothmomma I still feel the pressure when I cook for Mr D even though he'd be happy with anything!
Hope it goes well @teesguy 🤞

Lovemusic33 · 07/01/2022 12:49

I think I’m going in a date with Mr Gardener next week (pub and walk), he does live with his parents but explained his situation. I just realised he’s a few years younger than me 😬 I normally date older but hopefully he doesn’t mind dating a 40 year old. I’m still finding him a bit odd but he’s pleasing to the eye, has the body type I like so I’m hoping even if he’s not relationship material he maybe FWB material.

Spent all day yesterday talking to a new iron, shall call him Mr climber, by the end of the day he was getting annoying, constantly messaging me and asking personal questions so I started ignoring his messages, he then asked for my number. I replied to him this morning saying “not if your going to text me non stop”…..he hasn’t replied so I’m guessing I upset him. He seems way too needy.

FabulousMrFifty · 07/01/2022 13:42

@Lovemusic33

I think I’m going in a date with Mr Gardener next week (pub and walk), he does live with his parents but explained his situation. I just realised he’s a few years younger than me 😬 I normally date older but hopefully he doesn’t mind dating a 40 year old. I’m still finding him a bit odd but he’s pleasing to the eye, has the body type I like so I’m hoping even if he’s not relationship material he maybe FWB material.

Spent all day yesterday talking to a new iron, shall call him Mr climber, by the end of the day he was getting annoying, constantly messaging me and asking personal questions so I started ignoring his messages, he then asked for my number. I replied to him this morning saying “not if your going to text me non stop”…..he hasn’t replied so I’m guessing I upset him. He seems way too needy.

I always found getting the early communication levels tricky, if you don’t communicate much the person asks “are you there”, or “you have gone quiet “ and they vanish, too much communication and the above happens. Saying I matched with someone last week and was having a little evening chit chat , I asked her what she was looking for and she replied “life partner, and you might be it” , jeez, … that’s a bit much, end of that..

in other news

Had to attend my “office” today (1st time in 20 months)to clear my desk, very odd feeling as I’m was based in a big office (2000 + staff ), all open plan, normally packed, big canteen, big car park normally overflowing,
All empty, about 5 people in the building, a weird realisation that the world of work has really changed in just 2 years.