Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

I am yet again on the spiral of anxiety where after say 36h of no contact from him, it's as though I forget all of that, all the nice stuff, the fact that there is not a single indication that his feelings have changed, but the intrusive thoughts start, the doubt and the anxiety... I absolutely bloody hate it. I should be able to be smiling to myself thinking how lovely to have met someone nice, but instead I see-saw between feeling good and then feeling like this. And have to ask myself - what is the solution? I am not sure how to resolve it.
@ibelieveinmirrorballs
I exactly the same and also need to find a way to deal with this

VanGoghsDog
I know !!!! But I did like that quote for anyone dumped , ghosted , pining
It’s like the Dali lama
He doesn’t say half of what’s attributed to him on Facebook

[quote FabulousMrFifty]**@WeWantTheFinestWines* @Shayelle2009* @Badbaddog
Can you shuffle up a bit, so a fat bloke can get in the boat with you all ?[/quote]
By all means join us on HMS Dry January but a key rule is self-affirmation - no self-proclaimed ‘fat blokes’ please, you’re fabulous remember?

No issues with not drinking on Day 3, but man I slept badly again 😢. Sleep well and truly disrupted. On the plus side, Mr Bloke was here and we shagged three times 😂

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs I think 36hrs would bother me too but it sounds like Mr Music is perfectly attentive otherwise and is committed to things with you. I would say I'm guilty of mentally switching off someone if that anxiety kicks in with me in those situations. You could always say at some point that you enjoy regular communication of some kind eg. daily stuff. When are you planning on seeing each other again?

@BelladiMamma hope you are having loads of fun!

@MizK dump Mr Teacher, the bozo who critiqued your place!! That still annoys me!

Arghhh back to work this work, I miss Christmas![/quote]
Yes I think I need to raise it when we next speak... I messaged back late last night suggesting we speak today. I find it very hard to articulate what it is that I want/need in terms of communication because I think the issue is that it's a bit inconsistent. And that seems to hinge on whether he has a house full of guests (understandable and he's very sociable that way but still...).

We also need to arrange our next meeting and again I feel self-conscious over this stuff - it's not good for me.

Morning all
Little update: I moved house over the last few days. The first night, the DCs stayed with their dad to give me chance to get the new place as sorted as I could really for them. I knew MrFootball was working, but around 9pm, I was upstairs and my phone rang. It was MrFootball, telling me to go and unlock the back door. There he was, wielding a bottle of Prosecco and a winning smile He stayed with me, helping me sort the important house bits until the early hours of the morning.
I really enjoy his company!! Even when I was in my scruffs, no make up on, hair a mess from shifting furniture all day, he still made me feel like the most beautiful creature he’d ever laid eyes on.

PotatoGoblins
❤️ That’s sooooo nice !

[quote cravingthelook]@BelladiMamma of course.

I'd love to ask you some really tough questions and how you answer, you then think about.

You are right though, you have to talk and use language you both understand, make sure you mean the same thing as he's hearing. Don't do this during pillow talk.

Ms Jam and I do our most important discussions out walking. [/quote]
Please go ahead, that would be really helpful for me 😊👍🏻

@ibelieveinmirrorballs but hasn't he also wanted to include you in his social stuff too? It sounds like he is just a busy person. I would just mention in passing that you like more regular chat. Are you usually a bit self conscious or just with your situation with him?

@PotatoGoblins Mr Football most definitely sounds like a keeper!!!

@Badbaddog
Thanks “shiver me timbers “ etc …

To be fair I’m not that fat, but do have the highly attractive middle aged man paunch that makes me look pregnant…

I’m not really much of a drinker anyhow so will be pretty easy, for me

I’ve got covid so no work for me today! Cough, flu symptoms of fever and aching all over but I’m sure it will pass quickly. Boss seems cool thankfully.

@PotatoGoblins he sounds lovely!!

@Badbaddog my sleeps not been good since I knocked it on the head too but I feel so confident this time that I’ve cracked it snd All Will Be Well! 🥛 (glass of milk) 😆
Been listening to back to back Marisa Peer the last couple of days, she’s really good.

@Thisisworsethananticpated @Eesha I don’t know whether it’s because he’s that bit older than me, but he seems to have more “gentlemanly values” than blokes my age if that makes any sense?!
I’ve never been the type to expect a man to hold doors open for me, or come round and open my car door for me, pull my chair out at a table before he sits down etc, but he does all those things and I’m taken aback by it every time. When we went out for lunch the other day, there was an elderly lady next to us at the bar who had to drinks to carry but also had a walking stick, and while everyone else ignored her, he was straight there carrying her drinks to her table for her. Little things like that about him make me all warm and fuzzy

@ibelieveinmirrorballs really great you could talk through some of the anxiety you feel through with your therapist. I have a best-friend for that who is really good with the 'tough-love' approach and extremely opposite to me in how she dates/views men/sets her boundaries so always helps talking to her. I think the 'consistency' thing is really important for me as well. I'm still working from home with easy access to my phone (it's a works phone too so always on) whereas MM is driving/loading/unloading through the week. So not always able to be consistent like i can be. So a bit similiar to MrMusic(i think) when he's got 'his house full' etc. he's not stuck to his phone.
@Shayelle2009 thanks! So lovely of you to post what you did [heart] helps me to be more positive too! I'm amazingly impressed with your Dry-January approach! ... I think i'm going to try make adjustments to my 'screen-time' on my phone. My version of 'dry-january.' I've set limits now on apps not that i have any social-media accounts other than pinterest, youtube for music and MumsNet. I've adjusted notification settings as i'd really like to be more 'reactive' to texts/calls than 'active.' I also 'flight-moded' last night from 7pm. So far its only day one and feels like something is missing, not a good sign but all the more reason to persevere!
@PotatoGoblins i love the sound of this, especially as moving is really strenuous i bet the prosecco went down so well! Yay!

@Shayelle2009 sorry you've caught 'the COVID' really hope you're OK and get over it quickly. It seems to be wiping a fair few people out at the minute even with this 3rd booster... there are talks of a 4th here? Is that happening in the UK too? Ludicrous whats actually going on really when you think about it.

Hey @Naimee87 I love that.. screen detox for Jan ! Great idea! A friend of mine is doing dry jan AND giving up smoking!! Glad you're feeling a bit more settled with MM 🥰

@Shayelle2009 sorry to hear you are poorly, I hope you feel better soon. My DC tested positive yesterday so I expect I shall get it in the next couple of days.

@PotatoGoblins wishing you every happiness in your new home. What a great start!

@FabulousMrFifty I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically unattractive about an age-appropriate paunch. Mr Bloke’s is pretty big but I still find him way sexier than my mad selfish XH with his washboard stomach…

I just want to make clear that I am NOT doing dry January. I think the bench Fabulous wants to join us on is the one where we're lucky to get one quality iron and so will never need to consider ENM. Correct me if I'm wrong Fabulous?

@Shayelle2009

I’ve got covid so no work for me today! Cough, flu symptoms of fever and aching all over but I’m sure it will pass quickly. Boss seems cool thankfully.

@PotatoGoblins he sounds lovely!!

Argh - sorry to hear @Shayelle2009 - get well soon!

[quote Eesha]@ibelieveinmirrorballs but hasn't he also wanted to include you in his social stuff too? It sounds like he is just a busy person. I would just mention in passing that you like more regular chat. Are you usually a bit self conscious or just with your situation with him?

@PotatoGoblins Mr Football most definitely sounds like a keeper!!![/quote]
Yes he has... it hasn't happened yet though due to circs. We've had some flirty fun messages this morning and are both back at work today (ouch).

Had a good chat with a friend this morning which led to the revelation that it's no good if one party (ie. me) decides that they use the level of contact to assess how interested the other party is in them, whereas that person changes their level of contact for a variety of other reasons. MrM is sometimes in contact a lot, other times less so, but is always responsive and cheerful when I make contact. I take the lesser periods of contact as some sort of OMINOUS SIGN whereas I think he's just busy and thinking nothing of it. When he's less busy, he sends me more messages (some of which if I'm honest I can find very slightly annoying as I'm busy myself ) but as a fairly secure person, I'm sure he doesn't give any of it a second thought.

[quote Shayelle2009]@Badbaddog my sleeps not been good since I knocked it on the head too but I feel so confident this time that I’ve cracked it snd All Will Be Well! 🥛 (glass of milk) 😆
Been listening to back to back Marisa Peer the last couple of days, she’s really good.[/quote]
Sleep takes a few weeks (argh) to improve I think... but try to focus on the fact this means something really positive is happening to both of you as the alcohol leaves your body..!

Well done to both for getting to Day 4

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I just want to make clear that I am NOT doing dry January. I think the bench Fabulous wants to join us on is the one where we're lucky to get one quality iron and so will never need to consider ENM. Correct me if I'm wrong Fabulous?

@WeWantTheFinestWines @Badbaddog

I’m actually doing both benches, bit like a free sub in football, I have a buttock on each side

I have considered giving up drink before so dry Jan is a trial run to tee total.

As for lucky to get one quality iron, That goes with out saying really nothing, nil, nada, zero zip, so ENM is not even on the horizon, it’s not even thinking about crossing the horizon, it’s still trudging back from the shops with some particularly heavy shopping.

Am in a boat of one then, no sex, no drinks, no drugs, no rock & roll ?

[quote PotatoGoblins]**@Thisisworsethananticpated* @Eesha* I don’t know whether it’s because he’s that bit older than me, but he seems to have more “gentlemanly values” than blokes my age if that makes any sense?!
I’ve never been the type to expect a man to hold doors open for me, or come round and open my car door for me, pull my chair out at a table before he sits down etc, but he does all those things and I’m taken aback by it every time. When we went out for lunch the other day, there was an elderly lady next to us at the bar who had to drinks to carry but also had a walking stick, and while everyone else ignored her, he was straight there carrying her drinks to her table for her. Little things like that about him make me all warm and fuzzy [/quote]
What a lovely guy, people should do this naturally but sadly they don't

Just to clarify, I have considered giving up alcohol.

🤣🤣 I won't be joining anyone on a no-drink, no-sex or no-rock and roll bench! I don't need drugs, but don't really need a bench to confirm that. There's no guarantee of sex or rock and roll of course, although I'm sure Mr Favourite Place would be happy to oblige on the sex front. I need more chemistry to go down that route though and need an evening of music and wine and laughter with him, not more walking. I love walking but I don't find it very conducive to getting hot and bothered with a new iron. I think he does 😐

@FabulousMrFifty as my old Dad says, we’re all alone in paddling our own canoes... On dry land though there’s plenty of room on our bench! I definitely want to go teetotal. It’s going to be my 60th birthday present to myself.