Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@FabulousMrFifty whether you do give up alcohol or not the image of a buttock on each bench is very very funny

@WeWantTheFinestWines I hope things progress with MrFavouritePlace ... how have you left things? I'm sure so much of it is to do with location. I'm lucky as I can date in London and that increases my chances massively

@Shayelle2009 sleep is linked to so many things: hormones, anxiety etc. Have you given yourself a new bedtime routine now that you've kicked the alcohol? And by the way I hope that you don't have the dreaded Covid badly, hopefully the variants will continue getting weaker

@Badbaddog and everyone else good luck with Dry January. I'd also like to take the opportunity to extol the virtues of Veganuary. Even if you just cut out meat a couple of days a week you're doing the planet a huge favour & decreasing the amount of suffering that animals have to endure at the hands of humans. Our treatment of everything around us, resources and animals and other humans is so appalling that it's always good to decrease this in any way that we can. Here endeth the soap box chat.

@Eesha and pp the last couple of days have been amazing. I feel like I've got the most positive energy just running through me and like I could tackle anything. Obvs that's the sex endorphins but also the fact that I have no reason to mistrust him in terms of what he wants from me. I suppose that's the big thing for me. He has no agenda other than making us work. Yes I hear you re the early days love bomb thing but it's more nuanced than 'I want you' it's more like ok, this is what I'm looking for, what are you looking for? He's said it was a feeling that got unlocked in his last relationship as a possibility but in the end it didn't work out, and he feels like he's carried that desire for a life partner with him and he hopes he could make it work with me. Not sure if that makes sense to anyone. I'm ultra low tolerance with anyone that I think feels love bomby as I've had a couple of times recently from guys who were looking for a roof over their heads or a mother for their children.

@WeWantTheFinestWines sorry crossed posts. Getting a decent iron is often down to location as it's a numbers game.

What can you suggest to up the romance / passion possibilities?

But I have to admit I was sooo happy to see a voice note from MrA this morning after I'd been avoiding his social media where he was partying with his A list friends for NYE. His voice note to me is all about his broken boiler and his kids 😂 not about the inside story on Zendaya and Tom Holland 😂

Back at work today and another of the team is leaving. All I can do is hope I don't get given all her work and to keep applying so I can be next out the door. That's 2 members of the team leaving within a month.
Going to create new profiles on the apps this week and get back out there. Hopefully there will be some new faces

@BelladiMamma Mr Dublin sounds like a great match for you. I'm pretty sure both TH and Zendaya are a lavender relationship situation as both play for the other teams... she's so gorgeous though

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma Mr Dublin sounds like a great match for you. I'm pretty sure both TH and Zendaya are a lavender relationship situation as both play for the other teams... she's so gorgeous though[/quote]
Well I said to MrA that he and I should chat as I had a lot going on in my personal life and he's all ears and wants to talk.

What is it they say about buses?

Oh and I can also ask him about all the goss on his famous mates when he calls 😂

@PotatoGoblins Mr Football sounds so lovely. And it's nice that he made such a spontaneous gesture and helped you with something important, that's really what makes a good relationship IMO. Those little things that show they hear you and want to be there. 😍

@Shayelle2009 aah hope you're OK, rubbish to get ill at the start of a fresh new year but I think at least you've got it out of the way. Seems like omicron is coming for us all...!

@Eesha you are so right about MrTeacher. Though he managed to persuade me to go out for an hour yesterday as it was his birthday. Was good to chat without sex clouding my judgement and I noticed that I have reluctance to address anything about 'us' with him - I just don't feel comfortable enough to be open with him.
When are you seeing Mr Music next (who is clearly at the opposite end of the bozo spectrum to Mr Teacher! )

@BelladiMamma ugh how annoying not to share the celeb goss! Do you see a long term friendship with MrA?

@FabulousMrFifty nothing wrong with a bit of a tummy, it can be very cute! Though MrTattoo annoyed me the other day by saying a woman he'd slept with wasn't in good shape and didn't look after herself - I dont know how I managed not to remind him of his own pronounced belly (which again I never minded). I'm of the opinion that most body types can be sexy and beautiful, confidence goes a long way!

@Dancerinthemoonlight good luck getting back on the apps, you never know there could be some treasure amongst the trash..

I'm so curious about who Mr A is...

Location makes a huge difference bella. I swear I have seen everyone on Tinder in Sainsbury's or the post office as I think only about 5 single men live here. Mr Favourite Place just moved here, which I surely why I hadn't bumped into him already. And he knows all of 6 people here, who coincidentally are friends/acquaintances of mine who my ex fell out with but who I'm now back in touch with because of him. I live in a small place. Which was great when I moved down here with babies and a partner. Not so great for a single mum of teenagers.

It's occurred to me that Mr Favourite Place is lovely, and kind, and interested in politics (important to me), and into music, films and books (also important to me), and solvent (but not wealthy), and not a dickhead (important to me) - he ticks lots of boxes - but he doesn't really make me laugh. Maybe that's what I'm missing. I need someone fun and funny and I'm worried he might be a bit dull? With all the wholesome walking... I need a bit of debauchery! I need a silly, drunken, fun night with him. Not sure how that can happen as someone always has to drive. He's moving closer to me soon though - not walking distance, but you could cab it. I have to be careful not to write off a good guy after two dates. I'm sure he has more to offer. And I'm very quick to judge. I need to get to know him better.

4th vaccine is here, yes, but currently only for the extremely vulnerable. I think it will gradually be extended out.

What we need to do, is get the Johnson and Johnson vaccine rolled out in third world countries and we need to sponsor that. Otherwise this will just keep coming at us.

Anyway, vaccine centre shift this afternoon.

Was going to say I often go weeks and weeks without a drink. Over the festive period, I had two glasses of red wine on Christmas day and a glass of Champagne at very posh afternoon tea yesterday (Browns). That was it.

Though quite a bit the week before Christmas with three parties, though at the third one I only had one white wine spritzer because I was still hung over from the second one!
That's a very rare occurrence for me though.

My aim is to cut down on sugar, try to lose about a stone. Easing in this week, getting set up, then proper meal planning from next week. I have a fridge and freezer full of home made soup, so that's lunches, then a light supper followed by fruit. All within an eight hour window.

No irons, well, three chats but all very sporadic.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'm so curious about who Mr A is...

Location makes a huge difference bella. I swear I have seen everyone on Tinder in Sainsbury's or the post office as I think only about 5 single men live here. Mr Favourite Place just moved here, which I surely why I hadn't bumped into him already. And he knows all of 6 people here, who coincidentally are friends/acquaintances of mine who my ex fell out with but who I'm now back in touch with because of him. I live in a small place. Which was great when I moved down here with babies and a partner. Not so great for a single mum of teenagers.

It's occurred to me that Mr Favourite Place is lovely, and kind, and interested in politics (important to me), and into music, films and books (also important to me), and solvent (but not wealthy), and not a dickhead (important to me) - he ticks lots of boxes - but he doesn't really make me laugh. Maybe that's what I'm missing. I need someone fun and funny and I'm worried he might be a bit dull? With all the wholesome walking... I need a bit of debauchery! I need a silly, drunken, fun night with him. Not sure how that can happen as someone always has to drive. He's moving closer to me soon though - not walking distance, but you could cab it. I have to be careful not to write off a good guy after two dates. I'm sure he has more to offer. And I'm very quick to judge. I need to get to know him better.

Could you go watch a funny film 🎥 somewhere and get a drink afterwards? Maybe if you could find something to unleash the laughter that might work?

MrA isn't famous but all his friends are. He's always the third character actor in a big play so he looks familiar but you'd never know who he was unless you became a super fan of the things that he's in.

I will be sad but it will also be a lesson to him if he's hurt that I've found a serious relationship. Tbh unless I was prepared to move 100's of miles or follow him on locations I don't think it could ever work. And I can't do that til DD is 18 & even then we all know how much they need you at that age.

Plus I think he's holding out for someone famous 😂 who's in the same line of work so I'm probably just flattering myself

@WeWantTheFinestWines I often think humour can improve as you get to know what makes someone laugh and tailor things accordingly. If he has all these other great things, then I would definitely give things a chance.

@MizK Mr Music has managed to spend a significant amount of time together in the last 6 weeks, possibly 2 weeks solidly together due to childcare stars being aligned. He's super smart and intuitive and seems devoted to me. I do feel the same but I've come to realise my anxious nature makes me want to run away from things where I feel vulnerable. But I understand this is part of love! I'm lucky that hes extremely perceptive and knows exactly how to handle me. Communication is still brilliant as is the physical attraction (no sex yet) but I think God is quite significant to him so he was never going to go down the casual sex route. It means a lot more to him. Interestingly although I've had partners, I've almost felt a sense of disconnect with them all whereas here, there is this huge connection and I'm almost daunted by it all and where things are going.

@BelladiMamma it does sound like Mr A is sniffing around now that you have found someone more decent. Maybe he could be a fun backup if things don't work out.

Hey all, have quite a bit to catch up re the thread but posting a quick update after spending most of yesterday with MrT.

I think it's safe to say it was a bit of a shit sandwich of a day 😅😂

Was great to see him and was going really well. However a combination of his DE plus him being really eager to please me pushed all my "this is really imbalanced in my favour and I'm doing everything all wrong somehow". Throw in me finding out his best female friend is having marriage issues and confiding in him and I shut down and wasn't able to verbalise my thoughts. He dealt with it well, just holding me, however it had to be cut short as I had to run to get a train to get back to the DCs then go straight into Mum mode.

When they went to bed I tried to self soothe but I could get it out of my head that I'd screwed everything and he was about to drop me. After enough self soothing I got over the immediate reaction of ending things with him before he had a chance to do it to me, but still needed to say something to know where we are. So I sent a message asking him if I could check in to see if he still thought this was worth giving a go or if he wanted to call it.

Got a message back saying essentially "wait what? I'm super confused - where has this come from" 😅 Cue him asking for a touch base call and honestly one of the most grown up conversations I've ever had in my life. Lots of "I'm hearing this when you say that, can you clarify?" from both sides. He'd had some triggers come up from the whole thing too, and we've agreed different ways of approaching similar situations. We also agreed that we are a team when dealing with this stuff, and that communication is the only thing that's going to help. And ofc we had lots of little jokes as we went through so even though I was talking about super vulnerable stuff, it didn't feel "heavy".

So I think we're OK after all? 🤷‍♀️

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma it does sound like Mr A is sniffing around now that you have found someone more decent. Maybe he could be a fun backup if things don't work out.[/quote]
Yes he's sensed that the drop off in comms means something!

He's a good guy, just not for me in a LTR way

That's really interesting what you say about MrMusic and church. Where do you stand on the religion spectrum? I need someone in my life who's known god and better still, had the same Catholic upbringing as me, but who has also moved on from it. I don't do church or god anymore but I still do love and respect and humility in the face of the big things in life!

@BelladiMamma so I'm Bhuddist so no real God for me, its all about fate and the universe. He doesn't attend church but has been through so much in his life and feels though God has saved him/supported him along the way. I guess with things like sex, its very important that it's with the one person for the long haul. In many ways I admire that he has these beliefs because honestly I rarely meet anyone who has these any more.

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma so I'm Bhuddist so no real God for me, its all about fate and the universe. He doesn't attend church but has been through so much in his life and feels though God has saved him/supported him along the way. I guess with things like sex, its very important that it's with the one person for the long haul. In many ways I admire that he has these beliefs because honestly I rarely meet anyone who has these any more.[/quote]
Humility is vastly underrated. As is spirituality. That's nice you have that in common ❤️

@Badbaddog hope your son’s ok, must say I am so glad I’ve had 3 jabs as even this mild version has made me feel rough today! Couldn’t imagine how bad it would feel if I was unvaccd.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs hope you saw my post a few pages back about my friend and her now husband, a lot of what you say makes me think back to their early contact and he’s always been mad about her so definitely don’t think it’s a bad sign that you don’t hear from him as much as you’d ideally like just now, it all sounds good and sounds like he likes you a lot 🙂

@BelladiMamma funny how Mr A has come back around, had a feeling he might. Nothing’s really changed in my routine I’ve just stopped cracking the tin of m&s cocktail at the end of the day 🤣 I was drinking 31 units a week so all of that will no longer be in my body yaaaay 🥳 i feel really happy.

@Dancerinthemoonlight good luck venturing back onto the apps! Let me know how it goes 🍀

@MizK hmmmm MrTeacher! Just not getting a good feeling about him! Sorry to sound like your mum 😬

@VanGoghsDog love your whole way of living with the healthy eating, and volunteering 😇

@Eesha mr music sounds bloody amazing I am sooooo so happy for you 😍💘💘💘

[quote Shayelle2009]@Badbaddog hope your son’s ok, must say I am so glad I’ve had 3 jabs as even this mild version has made me feel rough today! Couldn’t imagine how bad it would feel if I was unvaccd.

@ibelieveinmirrorballs hope you saw my post a few pages back about my friend and her now husband, a lot of what you say makes me think back to their early contact and he’s always been mad about her so definitely don’t think it’s a bad sign that you don’t hear from him as much as you’d ideally like just now, it all sounds good and sounds like he likes you a lot 🙂

@BelladiMamma funny how Mr A has come back around, had a feeling he might. Nothing’s really changed in my routine I’ve just stopped cracking the tin of m&s cocktail at the end of the day 🤣 I was drinking 31 units a week so all of that will no longer be in my body yaaaay 🥳 i feel really happy.

@Dancerinthemoonlight good luck venturing back onto the apps! Let me know how it goes 🍀

@MizK hmmmm MrTeacher! Just not getting a good feeling about him! Sorry to sound like your mum 😬

@VanGoghsDog love your whole way of living with the healthy eating, and volunteering 😇[/quote]
What you said about MrTeacher! Sorry @MizK I haven't been keeping up with the thread but a couple of your posts have made me think he's not a good un

True @VanGoghsDog you're doing a bloody good job. I'm so far from being able to give much back in my daily life so I just try to be a good citizen

I'm Pleased you're feeling ok @Shayelle2009. I was wondering if you had anything to replace the 'relaxant' aspect of the alcohol in your evening routine. Like a hot choc or an extra chilled gym session? I found that keeping sparking drinks in the house eg elderflower or similar, really helped with my white wine addiction when I gave up daily drinking. It looks like white wine and you can kid yourself that it is! And yes, I hear you re MrA. It was like he was looking around for his emotional comfort blanket ... why haven't you been calling me ...? Where are you?

@WeWantTheFinestWines it sounds like you are a really fun chick with a mischievous side, maybe Mr FavPlace is just going to be a friend, if he’s going to be a bit boring (but a nice person)
I’m like you, need a cheeky guy.

@BelladiMamma I’m such a granny I just love a cup of tea! Drink builders tea all day, so I’ve just gone onto the decaf of an evening.
Yeah he’s suffering Bella Withdrawals… should have made more effort in the first place!! x

[quote Shayelle2009]@BelladiMamma I’m such a granny I just love a cup of tea! Drink builders tea all day, so I’ve just gone onto the decaf of an evening.
Yeah he’s suffering Bella Withdrawals… should have made more effort in the first place!! x[/quote]
I love decaf tea. I get Clipper, I don't know why it's just so much tastier than any other brand. Plus no micro plastics in the tea bag!!

m.youtube.com/watch?v=GGFKKPrqP9s

Listened to this one today… amazing lady 🙂

I get clipper too it’s the best isnt it 🥰

Nothing’s really changed in my routine I’ve just stopped cracking the tin of m&s cocktail at the end of the day 🤣 I was drinking 31 units a week so all of that will no longer be in my body yaaaay 🥳 i feel really happy.

Holy crap I’m such a lightweight, I just worked out it took me a year to drink a case of 18 Peroni (best beer in the world) is probably about 31 units

And this year I have a case of 1664 cans which will be about 33 units, I don’t generally like beer in cans but it was a gift for fixing someone’s laptop.