Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@Startingover37 forgot to reply to your post. I think enjoy the process and keep a bit of a wall with anyone you don't know. There's nothing wrong with that. I was the same, and really took my time. I was extremely ruthless with chat too. Good luck dipping your toe back in!

To all the blokes here on the thread who say they aren't big drinkers/druggies, that's definitely not boring. It's actually more a rarity these days I find and would definitely have been a swipe right for me.

Glad that some people on this thread are having some luck OLD. My one chat that I had going seems to have died out and I am having trouble getting anything else started. I don’t think it helps that I haven’t got any photos on my profile but I don’t want to do that until my divorce is finalised, it’s going ok so don’t want to sacrifice that! I have sent a generic message to a few men this morning so will see if I get any replies later…..

Forgot to say, the only sort of people that are sending messages when I don’t message them are ones with photos of bully type dogs on the profile photo or ones that are called ‘big’n’hard’ etc. I’m on plenty of fish so might have to try a different site.

@Eesha Thank you! That does seem to be the general consensus alright. It's been reassuring to hear it from you all having done the same and especially as it seems to have led you to what you were looking for!

I totally agree about the big drinking, drug taking men, that would be a hard no from me too. I definitely wouldn't consider someone boring because they didn't, I would be delighted!

Any drugs a hard no for me too, any addiction really is a no, but to risk one’s health with drugs when not addicted just seems even more crazy to me. Massively hypocritical of me as I drink though. I’m thinking of doing dry Jan. don’t drink loads but suffer with hangover even after a couple.

Marking my spot to write later my experience but making peace between puppy and DS now!

@Startingover37 I've actually been split from my children's dad for 4 years now. During that time I've had maybe 18 dates in total. One turned into a FWB for a year and one was a longer term relationship of 7 months. I admittedly can be pretty ruthless with chat plus I realised pretty quickly that regular communication was a must. I slowly learnt to siphon out what I disliked so big drinkers etc. Although it's described as a numbers game, I hardly found anyone who floated my boat and having two small children meant I didn't have tons of time to meet loads of people. What i found useful was this thread and also meeting/chatting very early on. I recognised unavailability too (didn't before) plus didnt spend my time flogging a dead horse. I used video calls as well, me in my dressing gown, no makeup etc to suss people out.

@Catcrazy83 Hi! I also drink socially and would have no problem with someone who enjoys a drink. Just not a big drinker who's life revolved around it or who drinks regularly to excess. The drugs would be a total deal breaker for me too.

Best of luck with Dry January, seems to be a lot of people on here giving it a go so should be plenty of support!

Dry January update: no issues at all so far in keeping off alcohol since New Year’s Eve, but it seems to be turning into Chocolate January as a result! So all remaining chocolate products in the house are now in the bin along with the alcohol. What’s next? 😂

Tbh Knutface, I would never swipe right on someone without profile pics. I'd think they had something to hide or were catfishing. Would you not consider waiting with the apps until you can do it properly? That would surely increase your chances of higher quality interest?

@Eesha I'm finding it very similar to what you described. I'm enjoying it but I'm not really finding anyone who floats my boat either. I was starting to feel it was just me so I'm so glad I posted here!
I do see that the whole dating process has been really good for me tho, it's thrown me way out of my comfort zone (I had been single for so long and was very conscious of that) but it's also making me see what I like and don't like and my confidence is returning in a big way.
Like you, I also am really comfortable video chatting now, just as I am, which I wouldn't have even considered a few years ago.
I think I have a similar approach to you with chats too, will just continue as I am when I go back to the apps! Thanks 😊

@Knutface I also don't swipe on anyone with no pics. My gut would be either hiding something or as in your case, not fully ready to date openly. I do understand your reasons tho and hope everything continues to go well with the divorce.

@cravingthelook

Hey all, I know I haven't been around for a few months.

Not much to report

Ms Jam and I are officially ENM partners (she has a male partner too and she no longer looking)

Mr HomeTown is as ever a total dick, we never spoke for months and I miss him. I'm determined to just stay away.

I've had multiple dates and lots of casual stuff but I would just like someone good for a while, one that could get the test out of my head would be great.
I met Mr Paramedic who had amazing potential but he was always on shift and trying to make a plan with him was a nightmare so I decided it was too much hard work.

I've got 2 or 3 really promising conversations going just now but I'll name them if they come to anything.

Thank you for coming back! I feel some of your experience is similar to mine. With MrDublin I'm in the process of negotiating what ENM looks like for both of us and it's been a much harder conversation than I thought. We've got very emotional about it. The bottom line is we don't want to lose each other but we are also different in our approach to it.

Any pointers in terms of forums or good places to get info, or what's worked for you would be great.

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma hope you are having a great time with Mr Dublin[/quote]
He's here til tomorrow. It's great 😊

@Knutface I also wouldn't swipe on anyone without pictures as would think they are hiding things.

@Startingover37 just be yourself and avoid comparing yourself to those who may have a gazillion dates. It was definitely better for me to filter a lot. That's not to say not be self aware as you can be too picky but I realised quickly that a lack of conversational ability was a complete turn off. My steps were quick email chat say 10am. then call within maybe an hour, then video chat later that day, then meet possibly the next weekend if all boxes ticked. I found I knew quickly how I felt. Those I didn't do a video chat with, I regretted mostly as they tended to look so different in real life ie way shorter etc or far more awkward.

@BelladiMamma glad he's making you happy! What's the difference in your approaches to ENM?

@BelladiMamma

Try FetLife for chat forums about various relationship/sex etc kinks. It's very broad ranging but there's bound to be a group for ENM. I know there are loads of poly chat boards.

It's pretty hard core, not a dating site, but very educational.

An update from me. So I asked the man I’ve been seeing last night if he liked me, answer is yes. He elaborated when I pressed him and said he’d matured and grown up a lot over past 11 years and thought I had too and he thought we were both in a better place for a relationship together. This is what I wanted to hear and we had a lovely chat and arranging to meet this week. Anyone know of any good horror films out? We both like those!

@Eesha so you would go from chatting to phone call/video call all in one day? Wow, perhaps it’s me being an introvert but that would be too fast/too much all in one day for me! Plus with two young kids and work I wouldn’t even have time for all that!

@Gonnagetgoing that’s great! I’ve been to see two horror films at the cinema recently. One called Last night in soho was ok but didn’t quite work, not awful but not amazing. A bit repetitive.

@northernlight20 I am in a similar situation with MrMoto is is very inexperienced and very shy (age 49) despite being divorced with teenage children (divorced many years and a couple of short term gfs in that time but minimal sex) . It is frustrating but I am being patient - not sure how it will pan out. We have a lot of interests in common.
Sorry am new to the thread (and to dating) -what is ENM?

@Stayingstrongish I've tended to do things ASAP. My children would be at school plus I work from home so a 10min quick chat would suit. Then a longer chat in the evening post the children going to bed. It's not exactly romantic but I've found it easy to chat to anyone and everyone and I like to know whether there's a spark asap. Sometimes it just ends up a long nice chat but other times I may feel I want to meet asap. Once you've been doing old a long time, you know a good un pretty quickly.

@Knutface
As others say, anyone without a picture would just be a straight no.

Hello Everyone! Can't even remember if i posted a HappyNewYear... it's been whirlwind few days! But really enjoyed myself. 🤩 NYE was surprisingly excellent! Not even a hint of a hangover the following day. So i shall not be par-taking in Dry-January! But will support you all from the sidelines with a pint of Prosecco! 😌
I wish i was more like those of you who go all 'meh' when a few days go by between seeing you bf'/partners/new-man on the scene. My 🧲 has been in touch all over the holidays but hasn't been well at all after the booster. Next chance i'll see him is next week and even then we're not sure it's for definite. I need some help to a) calm down and be ok that we're apart b) find a way to keep the 'spark/excitement' alive i can't shake the fear it'll go/fizzle out. Hate being a worried over-thinker. But not sure flirty/sexting is the way to go when he isn't feeling at his best.
DS is home 'distance-learning' which seems to involve a class team call which he's been on with 5 classmates listening to techno and dancing in his bedroom. I can only assume the teacher isn't on the call. Go figure! That man's a waste of space. New school is on the cards for mid Jan! 🙌🏻😌✌🏻
And yes what is ENM?

@JangolinaPitt ENM = Ethical Non Monogamy (aka having more than 1 partner and everyone is aware of the situation and is happy with it)