Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

@BelladiMamma
Thank you for your lovely response!

You are right, I do feel exactly like you said, that this person is a complete stranger to me and while I can chat away with them and enjoy a coffee etc, I still don't know them at all so I do keep my guard up. Thank you for helping me see that that's not necessarily a bad thing and maybe just down to not meeting the right person yet.

@Shayelle2009
Just reading through the thread and wanted to agree with what others have said. A good therapist can make such a monumental difference to your life. I found one two years ago and it did take me some time to open up but I really began to see myself and my experiences clearly for the first time and only then, could I start to move forward.
Good on you with the aromatherapy massage, it sounds amazing!! Enjoy 😊

@BelladiMamma @teesguy @FabulousMrFifty thanks for your comments on how to write my profile. If you, or anyone else too, would be ok for me to message a rough draft of my profile for comment that would be really appreciated.

Welcome startingover I have also been told I have barriers and that's because I do. They are necessary for self protection and should only come down for people you trust. Good friends or family members, or people you date who you have got to know and want to get closer to because you trust them. I've had this discussion with Mr Favourite Place - he's revealing more of himself than I'm ready to reveal about myself and that's his choice. He understands that it takes a while for me to thaw and it only happens when I feel safe. Don't be vulnerable with someone unless you trust them, and if they push you or make it out to be a problem, they're the wrong guy for you. Self preservation is essential, the difficult part is knowing when to let the walls come down and stop being an island. As with everything else, only do what you're comfortable with, when you're comfortable with it.

Just saw MrTurk! On the opposite side of the road🤣 don’t believe he saw me.
He’s had a haircut! Looking sharp 😍

Thanks so much everyone for the therapy advice. I’m actually on SSRI but they seem to have worn off or maybe just not potent enough so I’ll go back to the docs anyway and I’ll ask him about the counselling as he did offer to arrange but I turned it down at the time. Thanks so much x

Welcome @Startingover37 🙂

@apinions I'm happy to take a look at your profile for for you.

@apinions
Yeah, feel free to ping something over.
I’m absolutely no expert

[quote apinions]**@BelladiMamma* @teesguy* @FabulousMrFifty thanks for your comments on how to write my profile. If you, or anyone else too, would be ok for me to message a rough draft of my profile for comment that would be really appreciated.[/quote]
No problem x

[quote SortingItOut]**@ibelieveinmirrorballs* but I definitely need to put some hard graft into creating a life for me outside of all that*
I'm glad you've recognised this as we discussed it before and you were worried about this week and had hoped to book to get away, maybe staying home was fate so you could learn this lesson.

I hope you are able to create your own life and happiness.

I've got loads of groups/classes I want to join but no real time. Maybe I need a rich man so I could stop working and do all the things I want to do😂[/quote]
Thanks @SortingItOut - yes I can’t tell you how glad I am that I didn’t choose to go away. Apart from anything else I’m exhausted and am definitely the kind of person who needs time on my own to recharge.

Tomorrow I’m playing tennis at 8am, meeting a friend for brunch, and squeezing in a most glamorous trip to the tip late afternoon. My kids are also back tomorrow which will be great.

And then… Tuesday morning it’s back to work and the builders arrive. Arghghgh!!

@WeWantTheFinestWines Thank you. That makes a lot of sense and is how I had been feeling. Just recently I was starting to think maybe it was more my issue when so many people seem to connect much quicker and easier. But you're right, I need to stay true to myself and go at my own pace.
Sounds like you have a good thing building with Mr. FavouritePlace, both respecting where the other is at. It sounds great.

Was right to be suspicious of the Tinder unmatch guy, woke up this morning and been blocked 🤷🏻‍♀️

Weirdos

@dancemom @Startingover37 OLD twats are such utter twats.

If it's any consolation to anyone my roll call only included people I'd had more than two dates with and I missed out a couple I had more than one date with or who had become friends. Plus all the chats and the flakes and the weird ghosters. I think I've had about 20 dates and countless more chats.

My point is, it's a numbers game. Some of those I turned down would make lovely bf's for others; some were absolute loons I kept going with because of my own poor psychological patterns. Some I dropped like a stone at the first red flag even if they wanted a relationship and promised to change.

People are weird, including myself. But every flake and ghoster is a bullet dodged in my opinion. Just stay true to yourself and conscious of what you're looking for. Have some hard lines that you won't cross and be ready to be open to and willing to compromise on other stuff. Keep working on yourself; not for the dates but for your own MH and the positive thingsthat can happen in your life once you're living the most authentic and genuine version of yourself that you can be.

And sure - be kind, but be kindest to YOURSELF ❤️❤️❤️

Here endeth one of my infrequent but heartfelt TED talks

@dancemom I often think these flakes are married and just want to prove to themselves that they can still pull. Sad lovers.

losers even!

Probably sad (crap) lovers too @Eesha 😬🤭

[quote BelladiMamma]**@dancemom* @Startingover37* OLD twats are such utter twats.

If it's any consolation to anyone my roll call only included people I'd had more than two dates with and I missed out a couple I had more than one date with or who had become friends. Plus all the chats and the flakes and the weird ghosters. I think I've had about 20 dates and countless more chats.

My point is, it's a numbers game. Some of those I turned down would make lovely bf's for others; some were absolute loons I kept going with because of my own poor psychological patterns. Some I dropped like a stone at the first red flag even if they wanted a relationship and promised to change.

People are weird, including myself. But every flake and ghoster is a bullet dodged in my opinion. Just stay true to yourself and conscious of what you're looking for. Have some hard lines that you won't cross and be ready to be open to and willing to compromise on other stuff. Keep working on yourself; not for the dates but for your own MH and the positive thingsthat can happen in your life once you're living the most authentic and genuine version of yourself that you can be.

And sure - be kind, but be kindest to YOURSELF ❤️❤️❤️

Here endeth one of my infrequent but heartfelt TED talks [/quote]
Well said @BelladiMamma Very true!

dancemom
It’s so sucky 😞
I keep thinking shall I do it
I have my profile and pics ready

Then I’m like nah
Just not chirpy enough

Maybe spring when I’m naturally more bouncy

I’m actually ready to go back to work
I’m checking my fucking WhatsApp for someone I very nicely told to not text me
Thinking ‘maybe he can change be communicative’
I need to be busy again
People
Don’t
Change 😞

Thanks everyone, thanks to the thread I was prepared for it 👍🏼

But if God or The Universe or anyone is listening .... ENOUGH WITH THE LIFE LESSONS THANKS!

Hi just checking in and catching up on all the posts

it's been interesting to read about the illegal substances and going for therapy sessions. I think I must have led a sheltered life as I have never touched drugs in any shape or form, never smoked and I gave up alcohol seven years ago. Well, I say gave up alcohol I have about a handful of drinks per year I'm talking single figures. Giving up alcohol was far easier than stopping biting my nails, that was so difficult.

Therapy is an interesting one, I went when my father passed away nearly 20 years ago now, we didn’t have a close father and son relationship, no major fallout but not that close. The crazy thing was when I went to see the therapist the sessions quickly moved on to relationships in general and the original reason why I went which I thought was the problem wasn't the route cause at all

I would say if anybody were considering therapy definitely go and go with an open mind. Don't be frightened to go down paths you originally weren’t thinking of.

A few posters have mentioned, sorry I can't remember everybody's name about the relief of Christmas and new year being over, I'm so relieved too it’s over, next year I'm going to have to have a serious rethink on what I do

@StartingAgain6369

Hi just checking in and catching up on all the posts

it's been interesting to read about the illegal substances and going for therapy sessions. I think I must have led a sheltered life as I have never touched drugs in any shape or form, never smoked and I gave up alcohol seven years ago. Well, I say gave up alcohol I have about a handful of drinks per year I'm talking single figures. Giving up alcohol was far easier than stopping biting my nails, that was so difficult.

Therapy is an interesting one, I went when my father passed away nearly 20 years ago now, we didn’t have a close father and son relationship, no major fallout but not that close. The crazy thing was when I went to see the therapist the sessions quickly moved on to relationships in general and the original reason why I went which I thought was the problem wasn't the route cause at all

I would say if anybody were considering therapy definitely go and go with an open mind. Don't be frightened to go down paths you originally weren’t thinking of.

A few posters have mentioned, sorry I can't remember everybody's name about the relief of Christmas and new year being over, I'm so relieved too it’s over, next year I'm going to have to have a serious rethink on what I do

I think it's such a hard time for single parents - I don't know about you, but I go from absolute hectic madness if I have the children in the lead up to (and including Christmas Day), as I'm doing everything on my own and usually working f/t alongside it... then it's the 'you can hear a pin drop' quietness for a week from Boxing Day onwards. And then the following year I don't have the children for CD and have them for BD onwards. Either way, it's a set up that requires a lot of planning to make sure that I'M alright as all my focus goes on the children and on making that bit work well.. and every year I think I need to make more effort so that the quiet bit doesn't feel too quiet and the manic bit isn't too insane!

@dancemom

Thanks everyone, thanks to the thread I was prepared for it 👍🏼

But if God or The Universe or anyone is listening .... ENOUGH WITH THE LIFE LESSONS THANKS!

People are such cowards, they really are.

@VanGoghsDog - I think I like him in a relationship sense. You see 11 years ago he seemed quite confident but a few businesses, more flashy and seemed more forward and confident. He’s changed since then or so he says.

Dates have been mixture of cinema trips, coffee, dinner out and a pub lunch.

He’s very much into his sports club/gym now and does a lot of sports/classes there.

I like him but last time round due to our ages he wanted marriage and kids and due to a couple of red flags I didn’t go further with a relationship.

We haven’t slept together yet but he wants to invite me to his place in January where it’d probably happen. We have kissed a lot, touched a lot and we have good chemistry.