Dating thread 222: into 2022 and beyond

[BelladiMamma]

The rules as a screenshot (feel free to copy and paste them in).

[quote Eesha]@StartingAgain6369 I think if she's said outright she isn't interested, then really you need to listen plus not spend all this coupley time together as it will stop you moving on. If you really are still confused, ask her one more time then leave it. She kinda has the best of all worlds with you without the commitment which isn't very fair on you.[/quote]
As usual, what she said 💯

@Eesha

Yes you are right, I'm just finding it difficult to do

@StartingAgain6369 firstly perhaps you are also OK with the current set up, nothing heavy, just great company with someone lovely however it will always remain lovely because you are only doing the nice stuff. However at some point she will meet someone and that might sting. Personally I'm quite tough on myself so would ask straight out whether they saw me in that way. If its a no, then I would mentally step back. No more family outings etc. Have a think whether this current set up suits you. There's nothing wrong if it does, just be aware that it will hold you back somewhat from meeting someone who does see you in that way.

[quote Eesha]@StartingAgain6369 I think if she's said outright she isn't interested, then really you need to listen plus not spend all this coupley time together as it will stop you moving on. If you really are still confused, ask her one more time then leave it. She kinda has the best of all worlds with you without the commitment which isn't very fair on you.[/quote]
Yep, 100% this, sounds like she wants to have her cake and eat it, she is getting the benefit of the relationship stuff with you, with out putting in any emotional effort.
You need to pull back and expend your resources on people who want to be with you.

Happy new year, daters 🍾🥂 looking forward to navigating this dating journey with you all in 2022! ❤️😘😚

Happy New Year🥳
May 2022 be a great year for us all💜

Happy new year everyone
@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards hope 2022 brings you everything you wish for

@Knutface

After my ghosting experience I am chatting to a new guy, Mr Sea. I know that most people say to keep irons and other chats going but I personally can only concentrate on one person at a time. He is another long distance one for me so not sure when, if ever, we will meet.

How far is long distance, the UK is not that big a place, most people are “meetable” somehow. Yes keep other chats going, this one might become more of a friend? Don’t invest too heavily and look to cultivate others

@StartingAgain6369 totally agree with previous advice here; this is so hard for you and if I'm honest I always think it's very convenient for the other party (ie the one with the 'friends only' feelings) to turn a blind eye to how it might be for the one feeling more. It suits them to have you available in this way, but it isn't very likely that it's going to be a good thing for you - but it's easier for them to pretend otherwise.

I agree that the best thing might be to ask outright and to be blunt that if the feelings aren't more reciprocal, that for your own happiness you'll need to stop having the family outings etc.

Happy New Year everyone

Did many of us go out last night? @Shayelle2009 how was your wing-woman tour of duty?

I stayed in, having wrestled a little bit with feeling as though I 'should' be doing more than that, but had a great evening finishing off Succession season 3. Got a series of lovely messages from Mr Mixtape who was out DJing/partying who ended by saying that meeting me had made 2021 a very good year. He's not one to overdo it on the declarations front so that made me smile.

Here's to a fabulous year for all - may 2022 be lighter on the lockdowns and more copious in love, laughter and sex

@ibelieveinmirrorballs I started on S4 Cobra Kai! I still have Succession to finish too. I'm glad Mr Mixtape included you in his celebrations! Here's to 2022 being brilliant for us all

Happy New Year everyone 🥂🍾🎈

You're an extraordinary bunch of wise and witty guys and girls and I can't wait to meet as many of you as possible at our meet!

Were you like me @Eesha and found S3 quite hard to get into? I saw a friend earlier in the week who nudged me to keep going (I think I'd stalled at about ep5 having found it too heavy on the back and forth corporate stuff and not enough flouncing around in helicopters being outrageous ) - if it encourages you, the last few episodes really up the ante on that front and it's a VERY GOOD finale!

Yes it's quite a new experience for me to be getting lovely messages from someone who seems securely attached, has good boundaries, and isn't overdoing it... my last iron told me within weeks that he 'hadn't felt this way about someone for 20 years' (quite some accolade given that he'd only known his ex-wife for 10 years... ) - I know it's different for everyone and I'm not saying that by definition someone saying these things early is a bad thing, but in his case he was clearly not over his marriage AT ALL. It really does feel so much nicer to get less dramatic compliments from someone you know isn't coming at it from a place of lack in their own life.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Happy New Year everyone 🥂🍾🎈

You're an extraordinary bunch of wise and witty guys and girls and I can't wait to meet as many of you as possible at our meet!

HNY! When are you meeting Mr Favourite Place next?

I had a fantastic evening, laughed so so much and was so happy spending time with lovely people.

On another note, I'm puzzled by Mr Favourite Place's unexpected radio silence. He's never been a big communicator but he had mentioned sending me a drunken NY message + he is weirdly friends with some people I used to be friends with before my ex fell out with them, and was spending NYE with them. He'd asked how I'd feel about him telling them we'd met and I said I was fine with that, so I'm also keen for an update on their reaction. No voice note last night, so I sent a drunken one when I got back but it has no blue ticks, just one black one.

So I now wonder if I'm being ghosted by someone who I've met twice, who seemed very keen and whose last message said how much he enjoys my company and is looking forward to spending more time with me 😐 - not a love bomber, just a nice level of interest in me and a some lovely compliments. Nothing I can do, other than maybe wish I hadn't told my friends about him last night. I really should just keep my dating exploits on here until, I dunno, marriage? 😅

See above...😐

Ah, that's now a weird message. I thought I was quoting Ibelieve's message quoting mine...a bit too meta for the app I think.

Had communication been fine before NYE partying? In which case and with the lack of delivery ticks on WhatsApp, it could just be his phone ran out of battery and he's still asleep.

If he's ghosting you, he is of course a completely idiotic people-pleasing arse who says things he doesn't mean. But - could just be the battery thing

In general I am always so nervous even of mentioning a prospective iron on here in case it jinxes anything working out - let alone with friends - so feel your pain there. It's all just so annoying and hard to navigate. Can understand why you would have mentioned it though, especially with the 'friends in common' thing - that's a bit of a crazy coincidence!

Ibelieve he has not left it this long before replying before. I know he was staying at his friends' and they may all go for a NY walk and phone coverage can be dodgy where they live - but I'm not sure how WA works, I thought it delivers whether your phone is on or off. I dunno. Nowt I can do. I'm not really emotionally invested at this point, but he seemed a good and genuine guy who liked me so I was planning on spending more time with him because he seemed a good bet, and not a ghosting tosser. Which stil may be the case. I'll wait and see.

I've just googled it. You don't get blue ticks if a phone is off. So maybe dead battery.

Happy New Year you bunch of wonderful lads and ladies!

I can truly say that I've learnt so much from you and that you've saved me from making so many mistakes dating, and that sharing with you has helped me to recognise bad patterns, save embarrassing conversations with friends and £££ on therapy 🤣🤣🤣

MrDublin called me around 12.30 and I can safely say we're both smitten. Or in his words 'besotted with a wonderful person he can't stop talking about' 😄😃😃

We've both agreed that we need to spend some more time together working on building this into something real and grounding it. In some ways I was happy to leave it in the 'honeymoon' intense phase but I also knew it would have to normalise before it could have longevity.

We are still leaving a couple of things on the table freedoms wise but as we were talking last night I got a bunch of messages from MrPoet and I realised that he has maybe allowed himself to go from FWB to catching feels. So I need to have a conversation there.

Today would have been my brother's birthday so another family day for me. Very bittersweet day and it always raises several emotions.

Tonight I have a friend coming to stay & other friends to visit tomorrow. All in all being quite social in a careful way. Although we've got no LFT's at home!!

As I understand it, if someone's phone is switched off or they are out of signal, you won't get the two ticks until they are back in signal.

Sending 'please don't be a ghosting tosser' vibes over to you today

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I've just googled it. You don't get blue ticks if a phone is off. So maybe dead battery.

Bloody WhatsApp!! Just sit tight and see how it unfolds. Really hoping he's not a ghosting tosser

Oh dear the dreaded WhatsApp ticks.
His phone is flat or off the network or you have been blocked, hopefully one of the former 2 and not the latter

No response from ms W for over a week now, so guess that’s me ghosted as well, that’s just terrific, welcome to 2022.

Advice needed as well re OLD contacts whom I'd told I was going to be away over nye (which I was) and who are still sporadically messaging eg MrChef2, asking for dates. They're just annoying me now. Not very grown up I know I've just been ignoring.

Do I send a copy and paste 'hey I've met someone' to them. And maybe a conversation with MrPoet? MrDublin is playing a blinder as I'm actually thinking about dropping these guys so I'd better make sure I get some compromises on his lifestyle things I'm not into ...