Guy I'm dating said he is open to dating others

[Fairylights246]

I have been dating a guy for about 6 weeks. We met through mutual friends, and it had been going so well. Even though it has been a short time, we are in contact every day, have been in that can't stop talking to you phase, texting all day every day, until early hours of the morning, long dates, so much affection...it has felt very much like a relationship very quickly really.

He is always telling me he can't stop thinking about me, that he really likes me. He said he has told his friends about me, mentioned me to his dad. I have also told my friends about him, as I just felt so excited and positive and had such a good feeling!

He has gone abroad for Christmas and New Year as he is not from the UK. So he has gone to see family/friends etc. Even whilst he has been away the contact has been great, always telling me about his day, what he has been up to, etc. He sent me a Christmas present in the post.

I had no worries about him going away, and it seemed he was really serious and invested in me.

I don't really know why I brought the discussion up yesterday, I felt so confident that he had no interest in dating others because or how he was with me. But nonetheless I asked him.

He said he isn't taking anyone else at the moment, and he isn't looking for dates because he is interested in getting to know me, but that he is open to dating others until he comes back to the UK, and that if a girl fancied him when he is in his home country then he would like to meet her...what?

Why does it make a difference if he is in his home country or not? Not looking for dates but if someone happens to like him then he will want to see if he can get his leg over whilst on holiday??

I said I was surprised by this response after how he had been with me. I said that if a guy told me he fancied me, I would say I am not interested because I am dating someone already who I really like. I said that I felt if he really liked me as he had said he did multiple times why would he be open minded to dating other people?

He then said that he was open to discussing exclusivity but that he said it didnt seem fair whilst he was away for us not to see other people. It has only been a few weeks! Can he not cope without sex or female attention for that long? And how can he say all those romantic and loving things...literally sending me paragraphs of how much he likes me but then still want to date others if the opportunity presented itself?

@CouldThisReallyBe

Childish I know....but I'd be purposely 'missing' his next call and then responding 24 hours later with 'sorry I was out on a date'.

In all seriousness....he's sending you mixed messages. That alone would be a deal breaker!

So tempting! I love it!

If you are definitely monogamous, he's not the right one for you. I think it's much better that people don't assume monogamy, but ask each other about it (but then I don't like monogamy and don't engage in it.)
Lots of people are not interested in exclusive dating or monogamous relationships and that doesn't make them villains.

@supercali77

I watched a great seminar the other night on anti love culture. It boils down to...culturally we have no loyalty to anything any more. We don't buy something for life. We are endless consumers searching for the next aquirement. With OLD we have endless choice. Where is the impetus not to keep consuming in romance as in everything else. And actually this is more pertinent for women. Women do not depend upon a man any more financially and socially. They also have more leverage in terms of sex. With this as the sea in which we swim, how does loyalty in love and romance survive. The only way I can see is that you have values and you never deviate. As a collective its womens moment actually. If we all stop accepting this low standard behaviour...it stops.

I think it is infinitely better for women that monogamy isn't the only option any more. Previously we had to submit to being owned by one man and obeying and servicing him in exchange for financial support and status. Now we can support ourselves, live as we choose, have half a dozen FWBs, and above all walk away from unsatisfactory men.

Nope, I wouldn't be wasting my time here. He doesn't see you as important enough. You're worth so much more.

‘ I havent even heard from him today. Even though the last thing I said to him was I needed time to think, but doesnt feel like he is trying that hard to make it okay!’

Hang on. You said you needed time to think, so he hasn’t contacted you. So you could think. Yet you really wanted him to bombard you with love messages. I am confused. So is he. Probably.

Relax. Wait till he gets home. Go out, don’t shag, and talk properly about the future. Good luck.

Not looking for dates but if someone happens to like him then he will want to see if he can get his leg over whilst on holiday

That about sums it up... Yuck.

Chuck him in the fuckit bucket

I just feel like if he really liked me like he said he did then he would of wanted to be exclusive anyway without me having to say I'm walking away??

Correct. It's not an all you can eat buffet ffs. No respect.

Trust me, bin it.

This dynamic, wondering if he's open to exclusivity yet, it'll erode yr sense of yourself.

Id give him the "walking in different pages" text

@HaggisBurger

He’s telling you who he is. Listen.

Yes, he'snot scared of losing you. Or he's happy to jeopardise losing you, who he likes, bwcause of somebody-nobody in particular.

He said to you he was open to discussing exclusivity but it 'didnt seem fair' whilst he was away for you both not to see other people.

'Didn't seem fair' yet hadn't mentioned it to you so you could be in on that....that super fair deal. If you hadnt mentioned it he never would have made it clear that from his perspective, you were fine to date, sleep with, flirt with, strengthen connections with whoever you like. Funny that.

A genuine person, would not make you feel like a sure thing, like a very special person to them, then give you the response he did. You either are or you arent. Lucky escape. Six weeks is better than six months, years. And good on you, no harm ever in establishing boundaries or finding out where you stand.

Until OP brought it up, there had been no discussion about monogamy. If monogamy is important to you, you need to mention it early on - if you do not want to have sex with someone unless it's part of a monogamous relationship you need to bring this up before you have sex.
It is not wrong to have several dating/sex partners as long as you are not decieving them and, guess what, it's perfectly possible to like someone a lot without wanting exclusivity. Some people seem to believe that you are either making rapid steady progress towards marriage-n-kids or you 'just' have sex with each other and are totally indifferent to the other person when not actually naked together.
I find it depressing and frankly misogynistic that people are still peddling this idea that women need to be loved and proposed to before they will even consider dropping their knickers, while all men are beasts who will take advantage.

@ChristmasFluff talks sense.

It's a game. He is insincere at the least, and possibly narcissistic.
This has all the hallmarks.
Loveboming is not normal.
It's a fantasy. Just talk. Get you dependent on his validation.

He might not have another woman, he may have said it to destabilise you, to devalue and confuse you.

Idealise, devalue, discard.

You would be wise to walk away.
I'm guessing you have had a less than perfect childhood where you never experienced unconditional love and probably have low self esteem.

Invest in a bit of therapy.
Work on your boundaries.
Work on self esteem, love and care.

The only positive I can think of is that you found out after 6 weeks, not 6 months or longer. Have self-respect and end the relationship.

Fuck sake. You are right in what you are saying here, good enough when he’s here but not good enough when he’s away. He’s not scared to lose you as he knows he has clearly put you off but because he’s away, you aren’t important enough to put In the extra effort.
Bin him, seriously. Don’t let him
Come back here and love bomb you into submission. You are way better than this.
It sounds like the kind of guy who can compartmentalise…your relationship only counts in certain circumstances.
Fuck that.
I would just block him now and cut
Your losses - nothing good can come
Of him now, he’s ruined it. He’s not who you thought he was. Bin him before you get even more hurt.

His talk is cheap… people say all sorts of things in the first few weeks.
I also would be waking away.. he can’t feel that strongly about you to be wanting to date other people.
Also, the cultural differences and attitudes to women/marriage may be stronger than you think

He's a prick - get rid.

Thus has love-bombing written all over it OP.