DP always skint

[daffodilsunlocked]

DP does not work, is on PIP (sickness benefit) as he is afraid to get back into work & possibly earn less (which completely pisses me off as he is extremely intelligent but just cannot take management unfortunately)

We've been on-off-on-off for 3 years now and during this time I have been guilt-tripped into 'helping' him financially ... I work FT and have 3 DCs.

He now does not get paid (benefits) until next Wed (a week tomorrow) and therefore has said he is unable to go out/take me out before New Year

I have a good week and a half off of work too, and would have really loved to have been taken out...

Spoke to him on phone before and he just banged on about being skint and having nothing for over another week, which in turn made me feel guilty

I really don't know whether I'm being selfish in not offering him any money, but I've not long bought a new car and am paying my finance, spent-up on pressies for my 3 x DC and other bills to pay before I get paid again Jan

Ugh do you sleep with these cocklodgers? Men scrounging off their women how unattractive.

Oh ffs op seriously ?

As the song goes you work hard for money, wtf are you doing subbing
This cocklodger

Where's your boundaries, stop all this I feel so guilty rubbish, he's got you well trained

Dump his user arse and start the new year better off head heart and bank
Balance wise .

Fuck this OP.

Exactly this.

@daffodilsunlocked

Sorry, I didn't say, he is not just on PIP, but ESA - initially for depression ... he worked for the DWP for over 20 years but was forced to take garden leave about 6 years ago.

He is afraid to go back to work in case it "doesn't turn out" and he is then forced to go back on minor benefits ... but this is something that has bugged me since we met... he has made me feel shallow for feeling this way, am I??

I'm not sure why you're still worried about that when surely the comments on here show you, unanimously, that you shouldn't feel bad about not wanting to be with someone who has no interest in working and is happy for a single mum of three to subsidise his lack of financial responsibility!

Honestly, I don't think I could be with a man who has all his limbs and refuses to work . It's just plain laziness not especially if I have DC to feed . I don't care if it makes me selfish or money grabby. He's taking you for a ride and he knows it . Maybe it's time to be off once and for all

And at the risk of pissing you off OP, stop feeling bad about wanting to be with someone who is financially stable and start feeling bad about you and your kids being LESS financially stable with him in your lives than you would be without him!

@Guiltypleasures001

Oh ffs op seriously ?

As the song goes you work hard for money, wtf are you doing subbing
This cocklodger

Where's your boundaries, stop all this I feel so guilty rubbish, he's got you well trained

Dump his user arse and start the new year better off head heart and bank
Balance wise .

My head tells me this, but then he is so good with my DC.....

What is there to like, let alone love, about him?

There’s nothing wrong with wanting a man with similar goals and ambitions to your own.

Don't feel guilty. You earned it. You and DC come first. He can work, he chooses not to.

But also, there's no reason he should take you out. You want to go out? Take yourself.

I am kind of with you. I don’t like your phrasing “I’d love to have been taken out” you’re not a pet. You’re a grown woman. You should want to go out with soneone.

On the other hand I would also be uncomfortable with his status but he was already in this position when you met him, so you know no different. It’s not like he lost his job a few months ago.

Well of course he is.
It doesn't take much effort and it keeps his cash cow happy. 🤷‍♀️

He gives you the silent treatment if you don’t do what he wants.

Oh hell no

Do you even need to ask for advice.

He is a lazy scrounging fuck who is manipulating and controlling you.

He has no respect for you. LTB. You can do sooo much better. You have morals and a brain. Time to go. He is unworthy of you.

Blimey @daffodilsunlocked and @Toomanybiccys123 what advise would you give your children if they found themselves being used in this way?

You and your kids deserve better.

@daffodilsunlocked @Toomanybiccys123 get rid of these leetches.

He's behaving hideously. Like a pp said, how would you feel if your DC ended up in a relationship like this? And unfortunately they are far more likely to, if this is the model you give them. You'll be better off alone, and so will they. Give yourself a really happy new year as a single woman.

My head tells me this, but then he is so good with my DC

Do you mean he has a laugh around them? Of course he does, he's got much more time to be rested and ready for a laugh than you because he chooses not to work.

He is not good for the children as a role model in a number of ways:

Financially irresponsible
Poor work ethic
Takes advantage of others
Guilt trips a partner who socialises without him
Makes their mum anxious and stressed
Can't get them even a token gift at Christmas
Guilt trips their mum into giving him money
Makes the family unit (you and your 3 DC) LESS financially stable due to subbing him
Shows them this is what a healthy relationship dynamic looks like when it's anything but

To continue this relationship is batshit OP.

"he is extremely intelligent but just cannot take management unfortunately"
Read that back to yourself. And keep reading it out loud until it sinks in. It really stuck out to me. He's quite happy to sponge off you though, so you get to put up with "management" for him.

You can save yourself a lot of money by dumping him.

He’s taking £300+ per month off you
According to you on another thread.

That’s money from your kids he’s taking

He's allowed to work whilst on PIP, which Im sure youre fully aware of.

Im sure you're also aware of, as is the sloth of a man youve saddled yourself and your children with, that whilst on PIP he doesn't have to present as available for work. So, he can laze around all day can't he.

So basically you are raising children, whilst wasting family' money on a lazy scrounger.

Why aren't you more pre-disposed to spend the money on your children, rather than this waste of space man?

He's got no money to take you out so just take yourself out, surely. Its clearly not as if you depend on him financially.

You are allowing a man to use you to top up his benefits payments as he can't or won't get a job or budget?!
You think this is beneficial to your children,in what way?!
Lower standard of living as you are giving money away?!
Raise your standards and get some sense of your own importance!

Set yourself free OP.

You are allowed to leave a relationship for whatever reason you choose.

Nobody enjoys being told what to do by managers. That's not why we work. We work so we can get enough money to live and hopefully do a few of the things we want to.

Of course it's not necessary to even do that if you ask working people for money. As he has realised.

What about you op? Why do you work? Is it to build a life for you and your kids or is it to hand over what you've earned to this prince you've found yourself?

I think you need to question what you're doing here with him. And also to take the money you're thinking of spending on him and treat your kids to a nice day out instead, during your week off.

@Toomanybiccys123

Hello. You sound like me. My boyfriends on universal credits awaiting a scan to go back to work. He's living off me. Every day he's needing between 10 and 30 quid. Plus I'm buying his food. I feel like I'm being used at times. He didn't even get me a box of chocs for Christmas but did ask me to borrow £20 the other day because his mate had some Hugo boss perfume for sale and it'd apparently for me..I wanted to ask if he intended on giving me the £20 next month on top of the £550 he owes me.

Its difficult. I'm torn tonight due to him falling asleep on medication and I can't go round. Feel like its over.

Better late than never.