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Original poster

DH Wants A Dog

114 replies

Everley · 28/12/2021 18:25

DH wants a dog, has done for years. His family had a few dogs when he was growing up. I have never had a pet. I am scared of dogs, can just about manage being around one if I’m outdoors but being inside with one makes me very anxious.

When we first moved in together we contemplated getting one but I decided I wasn’t comfortable with one and we decided against it.

He’s been watching videos online about dog ownership etc and has said he’s definitely getting one and that if I wasn’t on board we would have to get a divorce. I asked him whether he would throw away our marriage to get a pet and he said that was up to me, because in the next few years he will be getting a dog.

Not quite sure where to go from here. I can’t contemplate living with something that I am scared of and uncomfortable around. That doesn’t seem fair on a dog either, a pet should be wanted by the whole family in my eyes.

Anyone got any ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
TinyLittlePandaSneeze · 28/12/2021 18:27

I guess its up to him but he is basically choosing a dog over you

Haggisfish3 · 28/12/2021 18:28

Do you have dc? If not, I’d seriously leave.

BackBackBack · 28/12/2021 18:30

Divorce it is then.

Regardless of whether he ends up getting a dog or not, do you really want to stay married to someone who thinks so little of you that they'd turf you out just so they could get a pet? And I say that as a dog lover with a houseful of them.

TotheletterofthelawTHELETTER · 28/12/2021 18:30

What a knob.

MadMadMadamMim · 28/12/2021 18:31

I would simply agree with him. I'd tell him I was definitely not on board with this and so we would indeed be divorcing if he pushed the issue. I'd tell him that the minute he brought a dog into my home that I would be moving out and I would be filing for divorce and going for half the assets and half his pension.

It would be the most expensive fucking dog in history...

Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 18:32

I hate to say it but his attitude would be a deal breaker for me.

If one person wants a dog and the other doesn't, the not getting a dog triumphs. That's even without the fear of dogs considered. But if it just been that I would have suggested compromising and getting a cat or having him sign up as a dog walker or dog sitter or volunteering qt some kennels.

But... I mean how can he talk to his wife like that? That's not a partnership i'd want to remain in op. I don't think your suited. He loves a currently non existent, imaginary dog more than he does you.

Probably time to call it a day.

MadMadMadamMim · 28/12/2021 18:33

I've got 3 dogs, btw. I just wouldn't have done at the expense of a partner he didn't want one.

WallaceinAnderland · 28/12/2021 18:33

He would end his marriage over a dog. Come on OP, what more do you need to know.

PhoboPhobia · 28/12/2021 18:33

Do you think he actually will get one at the risk of you leaving or is he just pushing you to agree?

Either way he’s being really unfair. He’s basically saying a dog he doesn’t even know yet means more to him than you do.

Just10moreminutesplease · 28/12/2021 18:33

He’s emotionally blackmailing you. You deserve so much better.

Pinkbonbon · 28/12/2021 18:33

*you're suited

Parky04 · 28/12/2021 18:34

He basically thinks more of a dog then he does of you! You may as well file for divorce and let him have his dog!

Ceramide · 28/12/2021 18:34

He's married to you, not a possible pet he may or may not have in the future! Is he trying to push you away for some other reason unknown to you? I'm afraid this sounds as though it's about much more than the dog.

Suzi888 · 28/12/2021 18:35

@WallaceinAnderland

He would end his marriage over a dog. Come on OP, what more do you need to know.
^This But if you are going to stay, hypnotherapy and counselling to get over the phobia are your only options…..
Ceramide · 28/12/2021 18:35

Has he found someone else but wants to pretend any discord is all about dogs?

GOODCAT · 28/12/2021 18:35

In my view the whole household has to be on board. I wanted a cat but my husband was against it. In the end he relented and we have a cat, but I wouldn't have had one if he hadn't agreed. Our cat is now elderly and we won't get another because my husband isn't on board.

You have to be clear you don't want a dog. If he continues to threaten to bring one home, you should look to leave. Not because of the dog, but because it is a big deal to add to your household and you all have to agree to it. To have one ride rough shod over the other is not ok.

While I understand the pull of a pet, he should not be having one regardless of your feelings.

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 18:36

@Everley

DH wants a dog, has done for years. His family had a few dogs when he was growing up. I have never had a pet. I am scared of dogs, can just about manage being around one if I’m outdoors but being inside with one makes me very anxious.

When we first moved in together we contemplated getting one but I decided I wasn’t comfortable with one and we decided against it.

He’s been watching videos online about dog ownership etc and has said he’s definitely getting one and that if I wasn’t on board we would have to get a divorce. I asked him whether he would throw away our marriage to get a pet and he said that was up to me, because in the next few years he will be getting a dog.

Not quite sure where to go from here. I can’t contemplate living with something that I am scared of and uncomfortable around. That doesn’t seem fair on a dog either, a pet should be wanted by the whole family in my eyes.

Anyone got any ideas on how to approach this?

May me helpful to try and rationalize your fear here. In my experience a large amount of people who are afraid of dogs have not necessarily had a bad experience with one. Opposite me three generations of the same family are all neurotic at the mere sight of a dog as a result of the grandmother running around like a headless chicken and practically throwing herself under traffic to get across the road when she sees a dog. Noth her daughter and grandchildren have learned this reaction from her and all react as neurotically. It's very easy to pass an irrational fear down the generations like this but remember this one detail, it's not a dog you'll be getting. It's a tiny helpless puppy which will depend on you and bond with you from weeks old, not a full grown wolf that's going to savage you in your sleep. Having never been without a dog (my parents had them before I was born, I grew up with them) my advice would always be to explore your fear and rationalize it. Are you afraid because you've been savagely attacked by a dog, or are you afraid of dogs because the adults around you as a child taught you to be afraid of dogs?
AnneLovesGilbert · 28/12/2021 18:36

I don’t like dogs. I wouldn’t live with a dog. I wouldn’t stay with someone who threatened me with divorce if I didn’t agree to something he knows would make me miserable.

But he’s not even desperate for one now so it sounds like he’s either enjoying bullying you and testing your boundaries. Or he wants out for another reason and wants to make it your fault.

Either way, he’s a dick.

Eddielzzard · 28/12/2021 18:36

He's made his position abundantly clear. Up to you what you want to do should he actually get a dog. I personally think this is a joint decision and you should feel comfortable in your own home. I bet his thinking is that once he gets a dog and brings it home you'll come round. You need to be very clear in your own mind whether this is something you can compromise on. He's being a twerp tho.

Watchingpeppa12 · 28/12/2021 18:36

Sorry I can understand this, I love dogs and genuinely couldn’t imagine going my whole entire life without one

RaininSummer · 28/12/2021 18:37

It does seem heavy saying the marriage could end if you're not on board with a dog but it's a particular kind of lifestyle I guess. If he has always visualised having dogs in his life and what that brings then it will be hard to let go of.

AnneLovesGilbert · 28/12/2021 18:37

May me helpful to try and rationalize your fear here

Completely irrelevant. She doesn’t want one and his response is to threaten her with ditching their marriage. It doesn’t matter what the specifics are.

NoSquirrels · 28/12/2021 18:38

He’s putting a dog he hasn’t met yet over his wife?

Yes, agree with him a divorce sounds likely.

I’m a HUGE dog lover but I wouldn’t have a dog if my husband didn’t want one.

dumplings1 · 28/12/2021 18:38

His attitude towards you is terrible, he's putting a future dog over you. You are worth so much more than that.
It's a big commitment that should only happen if both of you can do this, it's life changing getting a dog. Id tell him to leave.

PersonaNonGarter · 28/12/2021 18:38

There’s no way I would live without a dog. I can totally understand it from both sides.