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Original poster

DH Wants A Dog

114 replies

Everley · 28/12/2021 18:25

DH wants a dog, has done for years. His family had a few dogs when he was growing up. I have never had a pet. I am scared of dogs, can just about manage being around one if I’m outdoors but being inside with one makes me very anxious.

When we first moved in together we contemplated getting one but I decided I wasn’t comfortable with one and we decided against it.

He’s been watching videos online about dog ownership etc and has said he’s definitely getting one and that if I wasn’t on board we would have to get a divorce. I asked him whether he would throw away our marriage to get a pet and he said that was up to me, because in the next few years he will be getting a dog.

Not quite sure where to go from here. I can’t contemplate living with something that I am scared of and uncomfortable around. That doesn’t seem fair on a dog either, a pet should be wanted by the whole family in my eyes.

Anyone got any ideas on how to approach this?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 28/12/2021 19:13

I'd go see a divorce lawyer quite frankly.

We have a dog because DH desperately wanted one, he now says he didn't realise how all encompassing owning one would be as when he had them with exgf suspect she did most of the work and also dogs were not walked or let out as often as they needed to be.

DH is the primary carer, I will walk the dog when I want to and sometimes when somebody has to. Luckily we can afford a dog walker at lunchtimes and insurance and vets costs. But I do begrudge it. Rookiedog is a splendid creature but so tying and so expensive.

emsmar · 28/12/2021 19:15

I left someone who didn't want a dog. I also grew up with them and it's something that I've always wanted. Surely you spoke about it before?

FMSucks · 28/12/2021 19:15

I agree with @Buildingthefuture - I would never even date a man who was not a dog person, let alone marry one. It would be an absolute deal breaker for me.

Did the subject of dog ownership not come up when you were dating OP?

I am a huge dog person. I recently had to put my beloved boy to sleep and am completely broken over him. The joy a dog can bring to your life can not be overestimated.

sunnyzweibrucken · 28/12/2021 19:17

I see both sides of this situation and I'm a dog lover and couldn't imagine my life without a dog in it. However I wouldnt have married a man that didn't want a dog. And if I was already married and my DH wanted a cat - I hate cats - i would most likely divorce him. If he said before marriage he always wanted a cat, I wouldnt have married him.

I think his approach to the situation sucks - very insensitive to your fear. But if he doesn't get the dog he will grow resentful. Just like people that want children and the other spouse doesn't.

Holothane · 28/12/2021 19:19

H said this once he wanted a dog I replied your on your own then no way am I taking charge of a dog as that is what would happen. I’d say fine get ducks in a row and set up else where.

Jjjayfee · 28/12/2021 19:19

He could be bluffing in a stupid way. I find it hard to understand people fearful of all dogs but I couldn't live with a pet snake in the house. Does he have any fears?

SpacePotato · 28/12/2021 19:24

@Ceramide

Has he found someone else but wants to pretend any discord is all about dogs?
Glad I'm not the only one to think this!

Men will do anything to make it the woman's fault.

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 19:27

And women will do anything to make it the man's fault.

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 19:28

@Holothane

H said this once he wanted a dog I replied your on your own then no way am I taking charge of a dog as that is what would happen. I’d say fine get ducks in a row and set up else where.
Marriage is so disposable to so e so en. Compromise only seems to be a male requirement.
Holothane · 28/12/2021 19:29

Walk in my shows then comment I know full well I’d end up doing the work.

Holothane · 28/12/2021 19:30

Sorry shoes but I ended up doing everything for the cat at least cats are easier.

Calamitydrayne · 28/12/2021 19:41

The point is they are only in this situation because OP has refused point blank to find and compromise. You need to at least explore your partner's wishes in a marriage, and that's not the evil abusive husband's fault. He only made the thread he was going to do it because his wife refused to compromise. But it's ok for women to refuse to compromise, it's just men who aren't allowed to do so.

papayaorange · 28/12/2021 19:43

Hi is a 24K tosser.

RantyAunty · 28/12/2021 19:54

Has he said what type he wants?

If he wants a large aggressive breed, no way.

If he got a small gentle breed that he takes to regular training classes, you might be able to get over your fear.

Original poster
Everley · 28/12/2021 19:56

@Calamitydrayne I was attacked by a dog when I was about 7/8, I wasn’t injured badly though. I wasn’t all that fond of them before then but that made it worse.

OP posts:
Chunkymenrock · 28/12/2021 20:02

If he'd prefer a dog to you, then that's it, isn't it? I'd be delighted to be free of such a callous person for sure.

Original poster
Everley · 28/12/2021 20:07

@AdamRyan I do feel bad about moving the goal posts but life changes. When we first got together I had perfect health but I have fibromyalgia now and things that seemed possible before are now unfortunately not possible.

DH is not a dog lover, his parents had a dog and he would never look after it if they needed a dogsitter. I think he likes the idea of having a dog but I know the novelty would wear off quickly. He is quite faddy with hobbies and I think this would be the same.

OP posts:
AwkwardPaws27 · 28/12/2021 20:07

Could he do something like Borrow My Doggy? He could get his dog fix without bringing one in to the home?
You could even try going on walks with him, to see if you can gradually overcome your fear?
It could be a compromise.

I don't agree with him just getting a dog though. They are very involved pets - I love our dog to bits but have to consider him with every plan, day or evening out, walks every day whatever the weather and he is like our shadow.
Its quite hard to have a dog who is just one person's pet as they impact on the whole household - whereas my pet rabbits for example are quite different, DH has very little involvement with them and they don't really impact him.

Original poster
Everley · 28/12/2021 20:13

@FMSucks No, when we were dating his family had a dog which he obviously loved but didn’t make any effort to walk etc. The topic of owning a dog was never something we discussed in any detail. We kinda said we would maybe get a dog when we moved in together and that was it.

OP posts:
Jijithecat · 28/12/2021 20:16

@Watchingpeppa12

I think people’s reaction would be very different if OP wanted children and DH didn’t. It is the same thing to some people
Would it be the same thing if OP's DH wanted a python/rats/a tarantula?
Original poster
Everley · 28/12/2021 20:17

@AwkwardPaws27 I have suggested this before but he said it wasn’t enough. I also asked if he could walk dogs of friends/family but that was a no too.

OP posts:
RantyAunty · 28/12/2021 20:18

If he is faddish and the novelty will wear off, I'd say no to a dog.
If he can't be arsed to feed one for a relative or friend.

He can volunteer at a shelter or something instead.

Original poster
Everley · 28/12/2021 20:20

Without drip-feeding, my quality of life isnt great due to chronic health. DH says he will do everything for the dog but I know this won’t happen. I don’t have the energy to do everything I need to do most days so walking a dog, vets appointments etc just seems unreasonable. And that’s even if I can get over my fear of dogs.

OP posts:
JSL52 · 28/12/2021 20:26

@Watchingpeppa12

I think people’s reaction would be very different if OP wanted children and DH didn’t. It is the same thing to some people
Both of them still need to agree though.
notagainnotagain · 28/12/2021 20:31

I am scared of dogs and couldn't live with one.

Ask him to get his dog "fix" by signing up to borrow my doggy or a similar service.