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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How did you know your marriage was over... Describe in three words...

484 replies

LondonGrimmer · 28/12/2021 00:39

Or maybe a short sentence. I have massive doubts. Just wondering how others knew...

OP posts:
ravenmum · 28/12/2021 21:16

I bet all of us say “we just grew apart” if anyone we don’t know well or trust fully, ask us the question in real life
I told some people that we both fully agreed that we wanted to divorce. This was true: he wanted to be with his mistress and I couldn't stand being in the same room as him any more!
Until I was early 40s I think I knew one couple whose marriage had broken down nastily. Then there seemed to be a sudden rush.

WhenwillIlearntoadult · 28/12/2021 21:24

The Freedom Programme

clopper · 28/12/2021 21:28

Hated his breathing!

Amiable · 28/12/2021 21:34

His controlling behaviour.
He made the kids cry
I fell out of love

Blueberryflavour · 28/12/2021 21:34

Always prioritised himself.
All about him.
No empathy.
Eroded all feelings.

Bouledeneige · 28/12/2021 21:36

Read the second thread of inappropriate message with another woman.

Magnited · 28/12/2021 21:39

Dogging on Pornhub

LondonGrimmer · 28/12/2021 21:41

@thisyearsuckssofar

He told me he hated me. That was today.

He's gone now and I won't be welcoming him back ever again. 24 years together and married for 17 and I feel nothing. I worry for my 13 year old son though 🙁

Oh my goodness @thisyearsuckssofar I'm so sorry. You must be in shock if that was today. Hope you've some rl support around for you and your ds.
OP posts:
LondonGrimmer · 28/12/2021 21:45

Some of these are striking a chord with me:

Happier on own
Easier on own
Don't miss him (not that he goes out often but when he does, even for a few hours, I feel like I can breathe again and have more energy)
No empathy (from him)
Don't fancy him

Not sure if it's enough to end the marriage though. Think Covid, lockdowns, two kids etc has added to the feelings. Hoping counselling will help us repair, for the kids' sakes really.

OP posts:
Marineboy67 · 28/12/2021 22:29

She was a good actress and a good liar, I was a mug!

Voice0fReason · 28/12/2021 22:31

Opened my eyes

Tempnamelady · 28/12/2021 22:35

24 years wasted . He was completely indifferent to me. I had someone who wasn’t , was amazing till external issues blew it apart . Don’t ever settle for someone who doesn’t love you because once you meet someone who does, you can never go back , even if it seems practical to do so.
Sorry more than 3 words but this is my story . Hope you work it out.

Tempnamelady · 28/12/2021 22:35

@Blueberryflavour this was my life too 😢

5thHelena · 28/12/2021 22:39

It drifted away

rubbleonthedoub · 28/12/2021 22:39

When I asked someone this question

Marcipex · 28/12/2021 22:42

In three words?

He said one
Day, don’t answer
The phone anymore
Boring phone calls
Let’s ignore everyone.

I can’t do
I said, it
Might be mum.

I thought that
Was odd. Then
Clothes disappeared, nice
Ones. Where are
They I wondered.
Left in hotels?
Stuff like that.

Then one evening
Someone banging on
The door. Really
Loud. Our road
Is very quiet.
As a rule.

Who are you?
Says a big
Angry woman. And
where is he?

I’m his wife
I said, still
All at sea.

I think she
Has come to
The wrong house.
But she said
His name. So.

I’m his girlfriend
She said, walking

Into the house.
Where is he?

I don’t know
He was here
He’s run away
The house is
Falling on me.

She put the
Kettle on, made
Tea. Made tea
While she waited.

Only one thing
Is clear which
Is that my
Dog knows her.

gofigureit · 28/12/2021 22:59

I hoped him dead

LadyExpecting93 · 28/12/2021 23:03

Punched the wall
(In anger)

Relationship not marriage btw

coodawoodashooda · 28/12/2021 23:10

I couldn't stand his behaviour for one more second.

TeamSpike · 28/12/2021 23:17

Arrested for downloading indecent images and videos of children

RedHot22 · 28/12/2021 23:19

He hit me

Pudmyboy · 28/12/2021 23:47

Only one thing
Is clear which
Is that my
Dog knows her.

Wow @Marcipex, helluva story! I hope you are okay!

TotallyFloored · 28/12/2021 23:49

@TeamSpike - snap. Mine too.

Redland12 · 28/12/2021 23:56

Drank too much

coodawoodashooda · 29/12/2021 00:02

@rubbleonthedoub

When I asked someone this question
Exactly