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Original poster

Christmas gift from husband. How would you feel?

106 replies

intimeforchristmas · 25/12/2021 04:57

My husband gave me a gift that made me feel sad. One was a dry shampooo spray ( I have asked him to buy it in the supermarket a day before as he was shopping but not as a gift but regular purchase) and the other DOVE set with antipersporant. When I questioned such gift he said that I am ungrateful and next year I will get nothing. He also said that he bought it for me because I go to the gym and I will probably need it. I do not know what to think about it.

OP posts:
Justilou1 · 25/12/2021 04:59

He’d be needing to have them both surgically removed or, at the very least, wondering why his Christmas Dinner is foamy and tastes like shit.

Drivingish · 25/12/2021 05:00

He sounds awful, last minute supermarket presents and blaming you when you object - does he have any good qualities?

LHReturns · 25/12/2021 05:00

Totally rubbish effort. I would be sad too. What have you got for him?

CrazyOldBagLady · 25/12/2021 05:03

Are they the only gifts he got you? What sort of things have you bought each other in previous years? If these are your main/only gifts it does seem pretty tight unless the two of you don't have much spare cash at the moment. If they are just stocking fillers then they seem OK.

Original poster
intimeforchristmas · 25/12/2021 05:14

These are the only gifts I got from him. We are together from my late teens and married for 14 years. There are no money issues. I got him leather wallet (I have noticed that his wallet is a bit worn) and matching pajamas for him and the toddler as he really enjoyed it last year. I didn't get a gift last year.

OP posts:
Snog · 25/12/2021 05:17

Is he usually inconsiderate and rude or only at Christmas?

LHReturns · 25/12/2021 05:26

They are almost comedy bad gifts….like making an effort to be super disappointing.

SeaisBlue · 25/12/2021 05:33

That’s really not on - you need to have a word with him and explain what Christmas means to you and how it feels when he doesn’t get you anything / gets rubbish presents. He needs to shape up or shape out. Sending a big hug and Flowers and wishing you a very happy Christmas (please don’t let it spoil your day, just take action for the future)

LHReturns · 25/12/2021 05:35

I’m sorry too; you deserve better. It really does matter.

tribpot · 25/12/2021 05:37

I would suggest to him you not do presents for each other any more - it's one job off your list and clearly he doesn't give a shit anyway.

However, @Snog has it spot on Is he usually inconsiderate and rude or only at Christmas?

Original poster
intimeforchristmas · 25/12/2021 05:54

However, @Snog has it spot on Is he usually inconsiderate and rude or only at Christmas?

I don't know how to answer this question myself. Sometimes it seems to me that he doesn't realise how his actions might be considered rude or inconsiderate. He has good qualities as well. He is an amazing father and our daughter sees him as her best friend.
We had a conversation last year that I feel sad that I organise all the gifts for family, friends and him, and he only has to buy one gift for me and doesn't make an effort. Therefore, the gift made me very sad as that was his effort.

OP posts:
Rainydayss · 25/12/2021 06:05

I got a Asda bath set once, it hurt that he rushed on on Xmas Eve to make no effort. The next year I got a really nice no7 skin care set, however Iooking back it was around the time he was having an affair so probably got it on 3 for 2 for me/her/his mum/.
Divorced now thankfully.
What's he normally like for gifts?

AfterSchoolWorry · 25/12/2021 06:08

Jesus, return the wallet and get him a tin of baked beans.

That's about as much care as he put into yours Xmas Angry

Totalwasteofpaper · 25/12/2021 06:13

Amazing fathers don't treat their partners and the mother of their child like shit.
And if amazing father is the best you can come up with he is not a good partner to you.

I would NOT be okay with this. I don't understand how you could want any romantic relationship/sexual contact with someone who treats you so badly.
If you stay for his birthday ensure he gets a lynx africa set and a tin opener .
What a prick.

EmmasMum12 · 25/12/2021 06:17

If he's a great Dad but that's it, then your marriage doesn't sound good. I'm assuming he wouldn't consider couples counselling? How do you feel about ending the marriage?

Notmrsfitz · 25/12/2021 06:26

I have been in this situation with my ex.
It is hurtful and for me it was yet another red flag.

You have every right to feel disappointed and sad about it, but it's clearly now something that needs addressing.

Either he's usually a good bloke and clearly loves you, does thoughtful things for you and you have a good relationship, and he just doesn't 'get' Christmas and he's a shit gift giver,

Or

This is yet another way he grinds you down, makes you feel worthless and treats you with contempt and then reels you back in with totally different behaviour- in which case this is an abusive controlling relationship.
From the wording in your post I suspect this.

So either you accept the shit gift giving and take control and say to him 'this is what I would like you to buy me for Christmas - will you get it or shall I? It's x amount so give me the cash - that way you get the gift and he buys it under persuasion.
Or you just accept whatever he chooses from the household shop and think well, I'll treat myself to this as a gift for Christmas.

Hope you feel better and get to enjoy the day with your little one xx

dustandfluf · 25/12/2021 06:28

@AfterSchoolWorry

Jesus, return the wallet and get him a tin of baked beans.

That's about as much care as he put into yours Xmas Angry

This. I'm so sorry OP. It is shit and I'd also be upset with that gift. I wouldn't care if a man called me ungreatful, I'd probably return the gift. It doesn't sound like this is the only issue with your relationship though.
ItsSnowJokes · 25/12/2021 06:31

One year I got a box of museli and vaseline from my now very much ex husband. He is showing you how little he cares. Don't be there next Christmas to have the same shit pulled on you.

Gretaburley · 25/12/2021 06:36

You shouldn’t have bought him anything if he didn’t bother last year.
He’s a selfish, immature man child.

nextdoorslawnmower · 25/12/2021 06:37

He's not a good partner or dad. I hope you leave him.

Hadenoughofthisbullshit · 25/12/2021 06:43

This is weird little power game designed to show you how little he cares and how much you can put up with. Decide if you want to be doing this in 20/30/40 years, because it’s not an accident.

ufucoffee · 25/12/2021 06:46

I used to work in a department store and I was always amazed at how little thought the men who came in on Xmas eve would put into buying presents for their wives.

Joy69 · 25/12/2021 07:10

Gretaburley hit the nail on the head. He's a man child who thinks it's ok not to make the effort because you will be ok with it.
You must have been so disappointed. Try to enjoy the day with the rest of the family & next year either don't do presents, or go out together beforehand & buy something that you both want x

Original poster
intimeforchristmas · 25/12/2021 07:12

Regarding other occasions such as birthdays, I usually say what I want and buy it myself from joint account. He gets me flowers and chocolates on the day which I enjoy. He has other good qualities, for example he will order sushi so we can enjoy it evening time as toddler is asleep. He likes to cuddle and compliments me. He has no problem for me to buy the gifts to myself, but Christmas is the time when I feel sad to buy a gift, to pack it and put it under the Christmas tree.

OP posts:
GoodnightGrandma · 25/12/2021 07:13

I think it shows what he thinks of you.
I’m going to divorce my DH this year, we had the talk but yet again nothing has changed. I got him a jumper from Next, just to get him something. That’s how much effort I’ve put into it.