Christmas gift from husband. How would you feel?

[intimeforchristmas]

My husband gave me a gift that made me feel sad. One was a dry shampooo spray ( I have asked him to buy it in the supermarket a day before as he was shopping but not as a gift but regular purchase) and the other DOVE set with antipersporant. When I questioned such gift he said that I am ungrateful and next year I will get nothing. He also said that he bought it for me because I go to the gym and I will probably need it. I do not know what to think about it.

@CouldThisReallyBe

I truly believe that some people just don't 'get' how to give or see the value in it for receiver. I can see this trait growing in my 20 year old DS and am trying to coach him. His response when challenged on a 'practical' gift: "you told me it's the the thought (of giving) that counts." He's very literal with low emotional intelligence. Does your DH display low emotional intelligence in other areas?

I’m sooo glad I’m single again after reading such a load of bollocks as this,

“Coaching “, someone on how give presents, and claiming he had low “emotional intelligence “, wow some spirit of Christmas you have, where is the kindness you sound awful , I feel so sorry for your son

Dh got me perfume and a watch he's educated enough to know that after being with me 9 years he'd be pulling that out of his arse.Yanbu to be upset.

fb.watch/a6C22J34P1/

Reminds me of this.

@Hadenoughofthisbullshit

This is weird little power game designed to show you how little he cares and how much you can put up with. Decide if you want to be doing this in 20/30/40 years, because it’s not an accident.

This.

Ordering you some carry out food when he gets his own doesn’t make him a good husband.

And if he’s your DDs best friend then he still will be when you live apart.

@ufucoffee

I used to work in a department store and I was always amazed at how little thought the men who came in on Xmas eve would put into buying presents for their wives.

It's inexplicable, isn't it? So many men seem to think everything should flow exactly one way - towards themselves.

If your DH has always rubbish at buying gifts just accept it. Mine sometimes surprises me but in the main he just doesn’t have the gift choosing gene.
He and DS take me out, usually to our local jewellers and I get to choose what I really like. I generally do a recci to he week before so I have an idea.
This year, because I was having treatment for breast cancer until a couple of weeks ago and have been wiped out we’ve gone minimal. No wrapping and only one decent present.
Everyone is happy, no late night wrapping and low stress knowing that everyone is already happy with what they have received. Although DHs AirPods were faulty and have been returned but at least they were not a big disappointment today.
Fortunately there are only older teenagers in the family so they’ve all had money. Token gifts to both my sisters and since DHs family don’t bother with adult gifts it saves so much time and effort.

Buy yourself a nice gift next year and charge it to him. I did that one year with my ex. He forgot my birthday. I did not complain I just went out and bought myself an expensive bracelet and put it on the joint card and made sure he paid for it. He did not forget my birthday again.

@Nosnowthisyear

It was his reaction to your disappointment which is the important bit. He’s not sorry he’s rubbish at presents, he will punish you for saying something by getting you nothing next year.

This.

Not a nice man.

I hope your contraception is sorted.

This IS who HE is.

@GoodnightGrandma

I think it shows what he thinks of you. I’m going to divorce my DH this year, we had the talk but yet again nothing has changed. I got him a jumper from Next, just to get him something. That’s how much effort I’ve put into it.

Yep, 💯 agree with this, best present I got my ExW was a divorce

I'm sorry, I'm still here just reading. I spoke to him this morning. I said that I was sad that I didn't get anything last year and this year gift was without any effort. First, he said he made an effort because he bought me something. Then he said that I was not grateful and for sure some woman would be pleased with such a gift. I told him to find at least one woman who would like to get such a gift from a husband. At the end he said he wanted to fix the situation and that if I say what I want he will buy it for me. I have mentioned that I always make an effort with his friends and family to which he replied that he did not ask for it.

I am trying to keep it together for my DD, but I feel even worse.

I’m sorry OP, that is rubbish. My DP bought me the same dove set the other day, not as a gift, but he said he genuinely couldn’t find women’s deodorant in Tesco doing the food shop. I’d have been very disappointed and bitter if it was a gift. I had to pick my own this year and they weren’t wrapped.

My husband buys rubbish gifts. But he's a great husband in every other way he just has a weird attitude to gifts. Growing up his gifts were always very practical, there was never anything just for fun. And he's carried that on. His family didn't even wrap presents.

One year I got bath towels, because he'd noticed the bath towels were worn and he thought I needed some nice new ones. They were nice, but I don't class them as a present.

I can see him buying me a deodorant set because I run a lot and he would be thinking it was useful.

I just tell him exactly what I want him to buy me now. It's the easiest way.

First, he said he made an effort because he bought me something. Then he said that I was not grateful and for sure some woman would be pleased with such a gift. I told him to find at least one woman who would like to get such a gift from a husband. At the end he said he wanted to fix the situation and that if I say what I want he will buy it for me. I have mentioned that I always make an effort with his friends and family to which he replied that he did not ask for it

Does this ring true?

That didn't happen.
And if it did, it wasn't that bad.
And if it was, that's not a big deal.
And if it is, that's not my fault.
And if it was, I didn't mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

Just tell him you will buy your own present & buy whatever you want. That will teach him not to make an expensive mistake again. Some men only learn when their wallet is dealt a blow!!!!! Merry Xmas OP

My dh has many, many great qualities. Present buying isnt one of them. A few years ago I decided to stop his crap presents upsetting me and i started adding myself to my christmas buying list. He must have took note of my lovely pile and slightly improved his game.

This year when the kids wrote their Santa list, I wrote one too and handed it to him. Some things I've been very specific, like the book i wanted, some things more vague like thin knit jumper so he still had to think about it.

If he is otherwise a supportive and lovely husband, id just encourage him with more specific instructions. If his rudeness this year was out of character as well, that is. But id probably make clear if he went through with getting you nothing as punishment for his last minute thoughtless effort this year, that you probably couldn't get past that level of spite.

I would absolutely not be buying or wrapping his side’s gifts. They are most certainly his responsibility.

Im not saying lower your standards btw. Im very much a fan of leaving shit husbands. Im just suggesting ways that might help you to help him make you happier in this specific situation.

Sorry just seen your last update. Only you know your husband. Is this typical or could he be speaking like a twat out of being totally embarrassed by himself?

I have mentioned that I always make an effort with his friends and family to which he replied that he did not ask for it
Why are you doing this then? Just stop.

I have mentioned that I always make an effort with his friends and family to which he replied that he did not ask for it

Well that would be the last time I did anything like this again

Just stop buying gifts for him then, and his family

Tell him you are done with his selfishness. You can then get yourself something

What a prick.

And good dads treat their child's mothers with love and respect, thus setting a good example for how their child should treat women and treatment they should expect from men.

He isn't a good dad. Or even a half decent human being. Nor even acquaintance material in my book, let alone a partner. In the bin with him. Alongside his shitty xmas gifts.

I have this conversation with quite a few of my married friends. They complain they do all the present buying for all the extended family and their husbands give them crap presents. I ask them "why are you buying everyones presents and did your husband ask you to?". Turns out the husband has never expected my friends to buy for extended family so its totally my friends fault for feeling like they do. So, OP, stop buying presents for everyone. Secondly, friends whose husbands are terrible at buying for them send their spouses links to what they want before hand. Job done. Just stop expecting anything from your husband then your life will be so much happier. Low expectations for anything means less disappointment.

Id give him another present. His Christmas dinner all over his lap. Because you couldn't be bothered to put it on the table properly.

Is he hinting that you smell and have greasy hair?

Just kidding OP. A present is a present. Buying something he was meant to buy for you but didn't get round to it could be humorous. But yes, a gift set is really basic.

I’m so sorry OP.
That’s a shitty gift. You’re not being unreasonable to expect more effort.
It doesn’t take a lot of imagination to buy you flowers and chocolates if he doesn’t know what to buy and he is a grown man, he can ask. I would stop giving him any presents except for a book: ‘A Christmas carol’ by Charles Dickens. Perhaps that will make him think. What a twat. I really wonder if he’s such a good man otherwise as you say he is. Because if he is, this shitty behavior would be really out of character.

ItsSnowJokes
One year I got a box of museli and vaseline from my now very much ex husband.

Eh ! That's the most random rubbish gift I've ever heard of, do you have any idea of the thinking behind it ? Did he wrap up the box of museli and put it under the tree ?
Very bizarre.

My boyfriend got me nothing for Christmas. Lazy, mean, unthinking...who knows...whatever the reason, the solution is simple for me. He is going, 'the talk' is planned in my head for tomorrow...it boils down to respect and empathy for the person who you claim to love and share part of your life with. If he gave me what you received, he would be going as well. It is thoughtless and pointless to act this way towards another human, let alone one you are in a relationship with. It says that they are training us to lower our expectations of a relationship to the gutter. We either let them do just that, or leave and find a better life.