Christmas gift from husband. How would you feel?

[intimeforchristmas]

My husband gave me a gift that made me feel sad. One was a dry shampooo spray ( I have asked him to buy it in the supermarket a day before as he was shopping but not as a gift but regular purchase) and the other DOVE set with antipersporant. When I questioned such gift he said that I am ungrateful and next year I will get nothing. He also said that he bought it for me because I go to the gym and I will probably need it. I do not know what to think about it.

Your bar should definitely be higher than "he orders sushi". Please demand more for your life and your child. At least stop buying him presents.

If you organise/buy presents for anyone for him - his parents, siblings, nephews, etc - then stop. Tell him it is now his responsibility, and let him find out what it entails. He is not putting in any effort whatsoever. I’m sorry.

He's obviously just grabbed them from the supermarket, tbh I'd have rather got nothing, such a lack of effort and considers.

Honestly? If the useless gift buyer gene is his only fault...suck it up imo 🙂

My hubby is truly awful at buying gifts (his family are too) always has been, he would love to just stop buying altogether, as he will ask how much shall I spend, what do you want or wait till Christmas Eve, so what do you want? At that point I tell him not to bother as it's the thought that counts. I try and give some hints and I am not difficult to buy for, so this year we saw one of the items (lunch bag) out shopping, he pointed it out it the shop, I chose and we purchased with the other stuff we had, so I guess that's my Christmas gift, he was adamant he wants to pick his own gift out so I just have some chocolate for him. It's always so disappointing, he just doesn't get it no matter how many times I have told him it matters. He has had all week off work with my teenage kids but he wouldn't have thought to actually get anything, Thankfully I go to my family for Xmas today and they are always very thoughtful.

It depends what he's like day to day I think. My DP got me nothing this year but is cooking and doing everything on the day. He got me nice birthday presents a few weeks ago. He just didn't know what to get and I am really bad at asking for what I want. I think it depends on the person.

@ufucoffee

I used to work in a department store and I was always amazed at how little thought the men who came in on Xmas eve would put into buying presents for their wives.

I was in Hotel Chocolat yesterday when a man came in grabbed five boxes of the “Everything Sleekster” and smugly told the assistant “that’s all my Christmas shopping done!” All done and dusted in five minutes.

He ordered sushi because he wanted to eat sushi, didn't he.

I'm sorry. He sounds completely uninterested in you.

A fucking dove gift set, dry shampoo and a huff - fuck me. After last year nothing and a big talk - Jesus.

I was going to say they weren’t bad presents until I realised they were your only present. DH would get me things like that to go in my stocking. This year neither of us were feeling inspired. It didn’t help that I had to replace his watch about a month ago (I warned him it was his Christmas present), plus a new Christmas jumper I gave him last week.

He asked me to choose some things for myself, I bought lots of things I wouldn’t buy for myself, like a new fountain pen and coloured ink, but no single big item,

I thought i had plenty for him, but it doesn’t look like much now it’s wrapped

That’s bad. And no shame or apology when you pointed it out.

And sorry I don’t believe he is a good partner or dad. That doesn’t add up.

We had a conversation last year that I feel sad that I organise all the gifts for family, friends and him

I'd honestly stop buying for his friends and family immediately, and get him a lynx gift set and a bottle of head & shoulders for his birthday and for his Xmas presents.

I had shit like this from my ex for years. He couldn't buy me decent gifts, couldn't do his family, couldn't do cards. I took it all on and tried not to mind.

Did you see my recent post about my ex lovingly choosing his new girlfriend a lovely thoughtful present. They can do it when they want. He isn't choosing you a nice gift cos he cba.
Don't take the I tried, you're too fussy line. Go for counselling. He either ups his game or you find someone who wants to make a fuss of you.

They're the sort of gifts a 10 year old buys with their pocket money. What a selfish, lazy Pillock.

Wishlists are your friend. Some people are just rubbish at gifts and giving them a list to choose from means you will get something you want and like.

@intimeforchristmas

However, *@Snog* has it spot on Is he usually inconsiderate and rude or only at Christmas?

I don't know how to answer this question myself. Sometimes it seems to me that he doesn't realise how his actions might be considered rude or inconsiderate. He has good qualities as well. He is an amazing father and our daughter sees him as her best friend.
We had a conversation last year that I feel sad that I organise all the gifts for family, friends and him, and he only has to buy one gift for me and doesn't make an effort. Therefore, the gift made me very sad as that was his effort.

Op, do you think that if he put that much effort into his job, he'd still be employed?

Any functioning adult knows what effort is. I saw a later comment you made that he is capable of getting you things he knows you like, so he has no excuse for these rubbish gifts,

It really, really depends if he is just shit at gifts, or shit generally as a partner.

You can love each other and still be hopeless at gifts.

There is no doubt it is a shit gift. But whether that is important or not depends on everything else.

I truly believe that some people just don't 'get' how to give or see the value in it for receiver. I can see this trait growing in my 20 year old DS and am trying to coach him. His response when challenged on a 'practical' gift: "you told me it's the the thought (of giving) that counts." He's very literal with low emotional intelligence. Does your DH display low emotional intelligence in other areas?

Time for change.

Tell him that there will be no more gifts from each other. You'll just both buy what you each like for yourselves and from now on, he is responsible for all gifts for his family. Then stick to it. If they get nothing then it's on them.

Fed up of women taking on this shit work for their lazy men. Get the bugger told or hell carry on taking you for granted

Really poor.
My usually very thoughtful DH had a brain transplant one year and got me a bottle of baileys, a box of chocolate that also contained a mini bottle of baileys, and a big tin of biscuits that you'd give to an elderly aunt.
I cried.

*on him

@LHreturns

You summed it up perfectly.

OP, he is just mean. Horrible and mean. Merry Christmas to you xxxx

Not much of a threat to not get you a present next year if he got you a couple of groceries this year.

Tell him he has to get you an actual gift gift next year.

Those are spectacularly shit gifts.

I’d rather get nothing.

You can’t be grateful for something which required no thought whatsoever.

It was his reaction to your disappointment which is the important bit. He’s not sorry he’s rubbish at presents, he will punish you for saying something by getting you nothing next year.

If the best you can come up with is "he buys sushi" [for himself] I think you know you're clutching at straws, OP. You're doing all the Christmas prep and you asked him for one thing, choose a present that shows he appreciates what you do. Now you have your answer, it's time to only do what makes you happy at Christmas. If that's choosing presents for friends, great, but if it isn't - just stop.