Boyfriend been kicked out and wants to live with me....

[homealonnneee]

Been together 6 months.
He had his own flat 5 mins away from me.
His landlord is a arse and has kicked him out.
He keeps saying il just sleep in my car(obviously I can't let him do that )But I know once he is in mine he won't leave.
I'm not ready to live with him
What do I do?
Even if I say I will find you somewhere to live he will say he can't afford bond etc
Months rent up front etc
I feel totally trapped into letting him stay now

Somehow doesn't surprise me that "treat your partner whom you supposedly love worse than a dog" is the consensus on this thread.

If I thought a man was a manipulative bullshitter who just wanted to "get his feet under the table" why the fuck would I be going out with him in the first place?

If my partner, who was none of those things, had fallen on unexpected hard luck, there's no fucking way I'd let him sleep in a car in the winter!

But the MN rule about anyone who needs your help is ALWAYS that they're taking you for a mug, isn't it.

@gannett ‘partner’ it’s some bloke she’s known for a matter of weeks 😂

[quote NowEvenBetter]@gannett ‘partner’ it’s some bloke she’s known for a matter of weeks 😂[/quote]
Six months is "a matter of weeks" to you?

Of course. A very, very new boyfriend.

@RunningInTheWind

Well this thread took an unexpected turn from potential (likely) cocklodger to potentially asylum seeking ousted Prince.

And a partridge in a pear treeeeee

@gannett

Somehow doesn't surprise me that "treat your partner whom you supposedly love worse than a dog" is the consensus on this thread.

If I thought a man was a manipulative bullshitter who just wanted to "get his feet under the table" why the fuck would I be going out with him in the first place?

If my partner, who was none of those things, had fallen on unexpected hard luck, there's no fucking way I'd let him sleep in a car in the winter!

But the MN rule about anyone who needs your help is ALWAYS that they're taking you for a mug, isn't it.

I don't think people would be saying the things they are if OP hadn't made it clear that she feels this man, if offered to stay for a few days or weeks, would refuse to leave or guilt trip her into letting him move in. That's what the biggest red flag is.

And while (as I said myself upthread) OP shouldn't be with someone who makes her feel worried about her boundaries / requests not being respected, the fact is that many people do stay with people they shouldn't be with.

OP should break up with him because the relationship sounds very unhealthy and the last thing that should be introduced to the miz is them living together.

A middle-class partridge with good self-esteem.

@gannett

Somehow doesn't surprise me that "treat your partner whom you supposedly love worse than a dog" is the consensus on this thread.

If I thought a man was a manipulative bullshitter who just wanted to "get his feet under the table" why the fuck would I be going out with him in the first place?

If my partner, who was none of those things, had fallen on unexpected hard luck, there's no fucking way I'd let him sleep in a car in the winter!

But the MN rule about anyone who needs your help is ALWAYS that they're taking you for a mug, isn't it.

Who says she loves him? OP doesn’t say she does! She doesn’t refer to him as a “partner” either. She also says she doesn’t want him to move in, fears he will refuse to leave if he does, and that she feels trapped!

@gannett

Somehow doesn't surprise me that "treat your partner whom you supposedly love worse than a dog" is the consensus on this thread.

If I thought a man was a manipulative bullshitter who just wanted to "get his feet under the table" why the fuck would I be going out with him in the first place?

If my partner, who was none of those things, had fallen on unexpected hard luck, there's no fucking way I'd let him sleep in a car in the winter!

But the MN rule about anyone who needs your help is ALWAYS that they're taking you for a mug, isn't it.

That's it, tho, innit. She shouldn't be with someone she doesnt trust. And definitely not live with him....

I wonder if he's moved in yet and how many holes he's made so far??

🙊

@2catsandhappy

'You can stay on the settee tonight. Don't bother unpacking, you are not stopping. You have got 24 hours to get yourself sorted.'

Actually I wouldn't do even that much. Give some people a foot in your door and their campaign begins to get what they really want - which isn't what you want to give, OP! 🌹

Somehow doesn't surprise me that "treat your partner whom you supposedly love worse than a dog" is the consensus on this thread

She doesn't refer to him as a partner. He's a boyfriend and a relatively new one at that.
Read the fucking thread - or the OP's post at least, she doesn't want him to move in and fears that he will not leave if she lets him stay with her even for a few days.

The "sleeping in the car" thing is just him being manipulative. He doesn't have to sleep in a car. He can stay with friends or family. If he doesn't have anyone to crash with for a few nights that would raise a lot of questions in my mind. Why doesn't he have anyone like that and if he does have family and friends, why won't they let him stay?
Or he can find a cheap B and B for a few days while he sorts of a room in a flatshare, or finds a room as a lodger or finds a room in a house of multiple occupation.
There are plenty of options for him, but no, he prefers his girlfriend's flat as it's probably nicer than any of those options and cheaper too, especially if he can wriggle out of paying his way.

He keeps saying il just sleep in my car(obviously I can't let him do that )

Why? Are you his mummy? His warden? His minder?

He obviously knows exactly how to manipulate you.
He's a grown man, presumably with a job. He can sort his own roof out without reference to you, or your roof.

But I know once he is in mine he won't leave.
So ... you know what he's like ... but ...
I feel totally trapped into letting him stay now
YOU ARE NOT TRAPPED.

It is really, really simple.
Not easy, as you have an odd notion of owing your useless wanna-be-cocklodger a living ... but brace yourself, & do it:
"I don't want you moving in with me. You need to take responsibility for your own life."

You KNOW how he is going to respond. He will whinge about just wanting a few nights to sort himself out etc ... he will lie, manipulate, guilt-trip & use you to get his own way.
At this point, tell him how unattractive his behaviour is, that you have no wish to house him, & in fact no wish to even be with him, as you deserve an adult who knows how to rent his own home.

Did you let him stay? @homealonnneee

Please be strong and don’t let him stay. He will only sleep in his car for one night-then if you don’t let him stay a pal/family member will mysteriously appear for him to stay with. If you let him stay one night he will never, ever leave and I can bet he won’t pay you any money towards his keep.

NO

I fell for this 10 years ago and so began 10 years of coercion and a financial loss I estimate to be close to £500,000.

I'm free now, can't look back and worry about it or I would sink into despair but it sure has changed my attitude in relationships that 'it will be alright we can work it out'.

It's actually not hard to evict someone. You just have to have specific grounds. If his landlord wanted to sell the property or live in it themselves, that's grounds for eviction. You get a month's notice if you've lived there under 6 months and 84 days if you've lived there over 6 months. Not a lot you can do about it. But evicting somebody is easy.

ZOMBIE THREAD

Didn't happen. Unless he was just renting a room in someone house, instead of renting a flat.