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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Boyfriend been kicked out and wants to live with me....

195 replies

homealonnneee · 20/12/2021 20:30

Been together 6 months.
He had his own flat 5 mins away from me.
His landlord is a arse and has kicked him out.
He keeps saying il just sleep in my car(obviously I can't let him do that )But I know once he is in mine he won't leave.
I'm not ready to live with him
What do I do?
Even if I say I will find you somewhere to live he will say he can't afford bond etc
Months rent up front etc
I feel totally trapped into letting him stay now

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 20/12/2021 22:35

Tell him to talk to Shelter.

Lovelymincepies · 20/12/2021 22:36

He telling you lies. It’s illegal for a landlord to do that. He has cocklodger written all over him, don’t do this.

thatsallineed · 20/12/2021 22:40

Hell no.

Bussinbussin · 20/12/2021 22:40

His housing situation has shone a light on the fact that he's not a proper grown up with his shit together, and therefore not a good relationship prospect.

I'd take it as a sign that it's time to move on.

lisaandalan · 20/12/2021 22:47

I'd say he will have to go to friends and find somewhere tomorrow. You will never get rid of him. X

Lindy2 · 20/12/2021 22:51

You tell him you've only been together a relatively short time and you're not ready to live together.

I'd say my absolute basics for a partner are that they can sort out their own job and they can sort out their own accommodation.

He needs to sort out somewhere to live without imposing on you. If he'd been homeless when you met him would you have been interested in starting a relationship? I think probably not. 6 months isn't long enough to take on this type of relationship change.

Justmuddlingalong · 20/12/2021 22:53

Perhaps offer to store some of his stuff at yours, if you're feeling generous. As obviously his belongings and him won't all fit in his car.

JSL52 · 20/12/2021 22:55

@Successgirl2022

I moved with my fiancee in 5 months. We got engaged in 4 months :)

We've been happily married for 16 years.

? And ? She doesn't want to move in with him.
thatsallineed · 20/12/2021 23:02

Presumably he has friends he's know longer than he's known you. He needs to ask one of them if they have space, even if it is just temporarily on their sofa.

Ourlady · 20/12/2021 23:04

Absolutely not!!!
Don't be a mug, you will regret it.

CelebrateAndDreamofNewYear · 20/12/2021 23:09

DO NOT DO THIS!!!

Norwolf · 20/12/2021 23:10

It’s illegal for the landlord to change locks etc, has he got a rental agreement? He can easily get back in his house.

Flowers500 · 20/12/2021 23:17

@Successgirl2022

I moved with my fiancee in 5 months. We got engaged in 4 months :)

We've been happily married for 16 years.

You really have to wonder what goes through someone's head for them to think this is a helpful contribution to this...seriously???

Lights may be on...

youvegottenminuteslynn · 20/12/2021 23:17

But I know once he is in mine he won't leave.

Even if I say I will find you somewhere to live he will say he can't afford bond etc Months rent up front etc

Why on earth are you with a bloke who you know has no respect for boundaries and will manipulate you into doing stuff you don't want to do?!

I'm not ready to live with him

Then don't let him move in.

And break up with him. He's clearly not a healthy, stable partner as you know he is manipulative and doesn't care about your boundaries.

This is not a healthy relationship.

RandomMess · 20/12/2021 23:19

He can get a room in a shared house easily enough.

Be strong and say no.

AutumnWinterSpring · 20/12/2021 23:20

Even if I say I will find you somewhere to live he will say he can't afford bond etc
Months rent up front etc
I feel totally trapped into letting him stay now

Just a reminder, it’s been 6 months. You’re not his mother. He’s a grown man.

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 20/12/2021 23:22

Oh hell no. Dump him. Classic con artist.

He's lying about what happened.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 20/12/2021 23:25

Yeah he's lying, probabbly just wants to move in with you and cocklodge.

He can get a flatshare if he doesn't have enough bond upfront.

Jacketpotato84 · 20/12/2021 23:31

Awh no get rid of him he's lying to you.
He's trying to make you feel guilty so you will house him by saying oh I'll just sleep in my car.
He's not your responsibility
You know yourself he won't leave you will be stuck
Protect yourself.
100% cocklodger

dustandfluf · 20/12/2021 23:39

[quote Successgirl2022]@NynaeveSedai

And the relevance of that is?

Some couples can be really happy after moving in with each other early and the amount of time dating each other is never a guarantee the longer, the better.[/quote]
And the OP doesn't want to move in with him, a man she barely knows!! Your situation isn't the same. I moved in with my now husband after 6 months but I'm not stupid enough to see that the situation isn't the same and no one should be guilt tripped into moving in with someone when they aren't ready!

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/12/2021 23:46

"Even if I say I will find you somewhere to live he will say he can't afford bond etc"
So he can sleep in his car then, can't he/ Or sofa-surf at friends' homes.

"But I know once he is in mine he won't leave."
Won't? As in refuse to? Or continue to be a manipulative arse backing you into a corner (figuratively speaking). Actually, it doesn't matter they're essentially the same. A man refusing to accept a woman has rights.

"I feel totally trapped into letting him stay now"
Best to chuck him now then. He feels able to manipulate his girlfriend, let's see him try it on an ex. Seriously, you've been together for just six months,. That's a really short time. And a really big ask of you to let him move in.

You do not have to let him stay. He is not your responsibility, even though you sound as if you think he is. He isn't.

PickAChew · 20/12/2021 23:54

He needs to find some other mug to move in with.

And you need to question whether it's a good idea to stick with a guy who manipulates you like this

wishymore · 21/12/2021 00:22

This is a defining moment in your relationship. Does he respect you enough to listen to your opinion. You say “I’m happy living on my own. We’ve not even been together a year. We’re not living together. I like dating” if he gets moody or sulky then you end it.

NynaeveSedai · 21/12/2021 06:35

Everyone saying the landlord's actions are illegal and he can get back in the property - yes, they are, but it's done now and he's vacated even if it was illegally and the chances of him getting back in are slim to none.

bembridge11 · 21/12/2021 10:35

Cocklodger totally. Dont do it.

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