SIL and Her P*ssing Contest

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

SIL is so jealous of me; and it’s getting too much.

She’s always tried to beat me to everything and make sure I know it, even going as far as trying to prove her and BIL were dating before DH and I (they weren’t, i remember when they got together) by stating they were HOOKING UP months prior in front of MIL and FIL!! She pulls little tricks to gain IL parents’ favor, and they always seem to fall for it and have even favored her over me (greatly, i mean to the point of mean gossip) sometimes!! Which is ok if I don’t live next door to them—but I do.. so I’d rather be equal. Well, lately she keeps rumoring BIL will propose (did I mention they’re not actually married?) and decided to tell MIL the diamond is bigger than mine… forgot to mention it’s a fake unlike mine tho. It’s p*ssing me off. I’m no competition for SIL, and, honestly, MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about). So SIL is undergoing IVF and trying to find a surrogate while I’m over here not going to have a LO for years because I don’t want to. AND she has convinced BIL to buy a house with her just so they can be the first to own a house, because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it). I think MIL enjoys the drama as she always adds fuel with the ‘baby race’, mean gossip, repeating things she shouldn’t (the bigger diamond), and saying stuff like “oh, SIL seems so jealous of you because I—“ “oh, they’ll be so jealous when they see—“. It’s annoying, we aren’t dolls to play with and make fight.

I guess enough is just enough and I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of ignoring it and really want to make her cut it out. What do I do?

because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it).

How "separate" is you+DH's relationship with his family from the rest of your lives? Is there q farm or other kind of family business involved?

@powershowerforanhour

because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it).

How "separate" is you+DH's relationship with his family from the rest of your lives? Is there q farm or other kind of family business involved?

As separate as we can be. He does work for them as his sister’s caregiver (she’s special needs). I used to but they got overwhelming, controlling, and entitled… so he took the job and they treat him way different. However, they do use it as a way to see him whenever they please. So not super separate unfortunately.

Can i just say that as batshit as your partners family sound, and I can see why it is driving you mental, your responses after the first post on this thread are very mature for a 19 year old , in particular in comparison to some threads we get on here.

You've had some great advice already and it's nice to see someone taking that on board so graciously. Good luck OP!

@Feelinglow27

Can i just say that as batshit as your partners family sound, and I can see why it is driving you mental, your responses after the first post on this thread are very mature for a 19 year old , in particular in comparison to some threads we get on here.

You've had some great advice already and it's nice to see someone taking that on board so graciously. Good luck OP!

Thank you so much!! :) I’m very thankful for all the advice and perspective even the ones that point out I’m going a little crazy haha. Needed the eye opener!

@Hen2018

I’m sure I’ve read this post before, especially the bit about who was dating first.

Haha it’s probably too common for SILs to compete :/

@RantyAunty

Who is relaying all this information to you? The MIL?

Yes… so I probably shouldn’t believe it :) it got to my head because SIL is cold toward me, but I can only imagine what MIL tells her

@Nancydrawn

Wait, are you 19 years old now? Or is that your SIL?

I’m am 19 :)

You’re probably right. I’m too involved by even indulging MIL. I will stop that!

@A580Hojas

Ha ha at the idea of a 40 year old wanting grandkids! You're quite right OP - you're far too young to be having children.

I know!! As far fetched and strange as it is, she had her first at 15 so she doesn’t think we should wait… lol

@1forAll74

Just tell them to cut all this nonsense behaviour out, as you find it very irritating. If you don't speak up, they will never change. and you will be annoyed forever.

Next time it occurs I will definitely graciously shut it down. I’m tired of being pitted against SIL who I actually like a lot :)

@1Step2Step

You just need to not think about it. The fact you dwell on the situation means you simmer about it. It obviously bothers you that she’s persistently copying or trying to outdo you but that is a reflection on her. I had a similar situation with my SIL and I literally don’t bother with her, rarely see her and so she’s not even anyone I think about.

I dated my DH a week before she started going out with my BIL (we were sort-of friends before then. She weirdly mentioned she got the better brother (wtf, who thinks like that?)

We moved in together very quickly , then they moved in together.
We bought a house, then they did a few months later. She insisted on showing her parents through my house to compare.
We moved to a new town , then …. yep they moved there.
We got engaged …. They got engaged a few months later.
We got married … yeah they did a few months later.
She then got married at the same venue as us, same caterer, same photographer. Before that she was boasting her parents were paying for a lavish wedding with all the frills but got her wires crossed and her parents didn’t offer this thus the small wedding like mine.
We moved overseas , they tried to follow us there but couldn’t move at the time and we weren’t willing to put them up at our home.
We moved to another country and bought a house to settle down , they moved to the same city a year later. They live about 5 mins from us.

Our circle of friends used to joke to us about how they always copied us. Even silly things like upgrading furniture or appliances.

The only difference has been kids as we didn’t want any until much later so they provided the first grandkids which tbh I was happy with - took the stress off us.

My SIL has said and done some pretty cruel or rude things to both me and other family members in the past so we have kept a wide berth from them which unfortunately has distanced my husband from his brother. They still meet up for social things and workouts together but rarely is it the four of us. The good thing is that I only see her a couple of times a year and I keep it civil and chatter very vague / small talk.

I find that it’s best to keep toxic people at a distance.

Thank you! I love the comments where people understand this is a thing that happens.. I feel awful because I know she just wants to be the favorite and I couldn’t care less. There was a terrible moment at the start of my marriage when a blow out happened with the IL parents, and SIL and BIL were quick to tackle me because I’m not ‘family’. I hate that it happened and I hate that the IL parents involved them… all in the past but I def agree I will forgive but not forget and keep my distance :)

@1Step2Step

Sorry just read up that you’re 19yo. I’m now in my 40’s and started with my partner when I was 18 (he was 21). I remember in my situation at that age it was hard to distance myself from the SIL as brothers both had the same circle of friends and social things. I’m imagining that she’s pretty insecure and has a need to try to feel superior to make herself feel better about herself. At that age it can be over the most ridiculous things (My SIL would make subtle digs about places she shops for clothes, shoes etc as I was a poor student and couldn’t afford much. )

Just try to keep any talk with her to the bare minimum but be polite. I found it really rubbed my SIL the wrong way by acting very happy around her. I never complained about anything and was generally really cheery and smiley. I think that used to annoy her even more as I think she wanted the satisfaction of not just thinking she was doing better but that I acknowledged it and responded to it. If you don’t acknowledge her trying to outdo you hopefully she will get bored and give up or try to compete with one of her friends.

Agreed. I love that you understand but hate that you experienced that. I’ll just be happy for her and hopefully she’ll come around, and, if not, that’s ok :)

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

You honestly sound as bad as each other.

Move house!

Perhaps, I’m going mad!

@Itsnotover

You're only 19 so I can see how you'd be getting dragged into this. You need to stop caring about what they say or do. Focus on the life that you have with your dh. Your MIL sounds like the really toxic one if I'm honest - she shouldn't be playing you two off against each other this way.

MIL is. She likes attention and being the favorite so it makes sense. I will focus on DH, afterall, he doesn’t compete with me haha! All jokes, I’m glad you understand me being 19 is probably a huge factor is why I haven’t already managed this properly :)

@Mummyoflittledragon

At 19, as you say, you’re far too young to be thinking about children. You should be having fun, not worrying about a manipulative mil. Having children last will hopefully mean your mil favours your bil/Sil’s kids over yours. Normally this would be sad. But it sounds as though that would be a bonus. You’re going to need some pretty good boundaries in future. In your place, I’d be looking into how to create and strengthen boundaries and learn about triangulation and narcissism.

Agreed!! I don’t want kids for YEARS!! Trust me, I would not be hurt if MIL didn’t favor DC, she’s a little overbearing I’d rather her not! I def want better boundaries, this family operates on none.. thank you!!

@YourenutsmiLord

At only 19 I would advise clearing off - leaving DP, and the rest of his insecure, bitchy relatives to it.

Find a nice man with a nice place and a nice, normal family.

I’m not leaving DH, but I’ll gladly leave his family. He’s the love of my life

@Theunamedcat

Are you sure this is what you want to marry into?

Already did. Married DH tho, not his mom. So hopefully she’ll clear off and realize I didn’t give my vows to her haha

@MimiDaisy11

You live next door? I’d move. That’s too close even for nice in laws.

Agreed! Working on it :)

@Shoxfordian

Don’t engage with it at all There’s no competition so she can’t compete with you

Agreed. I honestly want none of those milestones as of yet, although moving far far away would be nice :)

@MizzFizz

Sounds like MIL is triangulating you both to get what she wants (attention, drama and grandchildren).

Move.
Tell MIL and SIL you don't know if you ever want children.
Grey rock.

She definitely is. It’s a pattern I saw in her even before marriage only then she did it on her children and my FIL. Def working on moving. And I’d love to tell her no DC ever, but, classically for someone so controlling, she doesn’t hear anything she doesn’t like! :)

@IHateCoronavirus

Wait, your not married and they’re not married, so neither of you are in laws.

Enjoy yourselves while your young. Go out together and have some fun. Get to know each other.

I am married. They’re not. I’d love to but SIL and BIL are very caught up in whatever MIL spreads about me so they only ever want to see DH at most :)

@Bananalanacake

Tell them you don't want DC until you're 38, you want to buy a massive camper van and travel round Europe, you want to breed ferrets for a living. In this situation I would feed them utter bollocks and laugh if they fall for it.

Oh man I’d love that😂 hey, I may if I’m bothered even more :)

@Monty27

OP you seriously need to not care. It'll probably require work but hey if you care she wins. She's insecure and pathetic. Pitiful as it is.

Agreed. I can be a little obsessive sometimes. I guess I just had it in my head that I would have a wonderful IL relationship:/

@Benjispruce5

Seriously, I’d move away. They both deserve each other.

They do :) too much drama for my new marriage

What is the "love of your life" doing in all this? Putting you first and telling his sister and mum to back off I hope? Developing himself financially (and you're sorting yourself out too I assume) so you can move and live independently? Because otherwise right now you sound like children dependent on a family and in deeper than you can cope with at your age.