SIL and Her P*ssing Contest

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

SIL is so jealous of me; and it’s getting too much.

She’s always tried to beat me to everything and make sure I know it, even going as far as trying to prove her and BIL were dating before DH and I (they weren’t, i remember when they got together) by stating they were HOOKING UP months prior in front of MIL and FIL!! She pulls little tricks to gain IL parents’ favor, and they always seem to fall for it and have even favored her over me (greatly, i mean to the point of mean gossip) sometimes!! Which is ok if I don’t live next door to them—but I do.. so I’d rather be equal. Well, lately she keeps rumoring BIL will propose (did I mention they’re not actually married?) and decided to tell MIL the diamond is bigger than mine… forgot to mention it’s a fake unlike mine tho. It’s p*ssing me off. I’m no competition for SIL, and, honestly, MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about). So SIL is undergoing IVF and trying to find a surrogate while I’m over here not going to have a LO for years because I don’t want to. AND she has convinced BIL to buy a house with her just so they can be the first to own a house, because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it). I think MIL enjoys the drama as she always adds fuel with the ‘baby race’, mean gossip, repeating things she shouldn’t (the bigger diamond), and saying stuff like “oh, SIL seems so jealous of you because I—“ “oh, they’ll be so jealous when they see—“. It’s annoying, we aren’t dolls to play with and make fight.

I guess enough is just enough and I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of ignoring it and really want to make her cut it out. What do I do?

@SandyBut

This too exhausting to read let alone care about. You sound 13

Not to exhausting to comment on though hey?

Too*

Seriously, why are you indulging in this shit? Just don’t listen.

When my MIL, or indeed old batty relatives or even now with people that are just tiresome, just don’t turn your listening ears off. I wouldn’t know what the say as I’m thinking ‘what will we have for dinner tomorrow’ or ‘do I have any suitable shoes if I wear that skirt on Saturday or will I need to rethink the skirt as I don’t want to buy new shoes’ etc. Meanwhile at intervals I say:
‘Hmm, yeah, I know’
‘Well, uhhm, yeah’
‘Hmm, that’s it, isn’t it’

No idea what is being said. I suspect out of frustration the person probably starts getting ridiculous and talking about it raining purple frogs or something - but I wouldn’t know. So, I’m neither bored nor upset by the conversation.

Should have been, don’t turn your listening ears on.

My younger sister is like this, it is exhausting and I do ignore and try not to engage. But it's hard.

My favourite was when my sister said I was copying her by having 3 kids, when she had 3 kids........except my kids are all older and she's gone on to have #4 and no way am I planning to!

It now extends to my kids, if I say something amazing one of my kids has done within minutes the group chat has something her kid has done too.

It's really tiring, thankfully I dont live anywhere near her.

ignore ignore ignore, smile and wave. That's all you can do.

Seriously, why are you indulging in this shit? Just don’t listen

Potentially as she’s a teenager.

Live your own life and be comfortable in your own skin. Your SIL can waste energy being jealous of you but you get to choose whether to waste energy responding. Also you can choose whether it matters who has the bigger diamond or who gets a load of 20-year-old baby kit (safety guidance having evolved a bit in the interim).

I would practice saying ‘meh’ and moving on to another topic.

Smile a lot and be extra nice. Nothing pisses off people who are trying to piss you off more than making it clear that they are abjectly failing in their goal.

It's really rather enjoyable, too.

It does all sound very annoying! If she tries to be competitive try to respond with a laugh and “of course I don’t want a baby at 19!”, ask lots of questions about how it’s going for them, how much you hope it works, how cute the baby will look in BIL’s old clothes etc. Pop the competition bubble!

You’re 19 and your mil wants you to get pregnant?
That’s mad.

However, I would be having fun at their expense.
Feeling sick in the morning and stroking my belly. Without ever mentioning pregnancy.
I would also be saving hard to move away.

I had to read through this again.
Living in a trailer on your bf's parent's land at the age of 19?? Fighting over cheap rings, weddings, and babies??

Are you living in the backwoods of Tennessee or something?

These people aren't your In-laws, Your boyfriend isn't your husband.

There is much much more to life than getting married and reproducing. It's not some great prize to fight about. Monkeys reproduce ya know??!!

It sounds like you aren't close by to any family? Did the boyfriend get your to move to some godforsaken podunk so he'd never have to leave his mother?

Do you have an education or job skills? Does your boyfriend?

The best thing you could do for yourself is to get far far away from all of them back into civilization.

Your life becomes very small in those kind of places. Gossip is the popular pastime, having babies, drugs, drinking, some fundy church. racism, sexism. It's not good. Don't ask me how I know.

Can't you tell them that you're getting starting a course in taxidermy/tooth art/getting one of those weird fake babies or something (and then see what happens)?

my take on this would be to let SIL do it, be the 'winner' and take the wind out of her sails by being happy exactly as you are.

so - ring - just say - Oh its lovely! No need for other comment. If anyone comments on size of diamonds etc, comment positively - mine suits my little hands, SIL suits hers so we are both happy, said with a smile.

baby race - how lovely you are trying for a baby. We won't do that for years yet, I'm far too young. It will be lovely to be an aunty etc etc

house - again, just bne nice and be positive. Lovely house. Do you enjoy decorating? I'll bet you have fun making it your own. Any comments on your lack of house, just smile and laugh - goodness plenty of time for that I'm only 19!

It takes the competition out, if you are not interested in winning. In fact if you hand her the win back. You are so wlecome to the family baby stuff. We won't be needing it for years, nice to see it being used etc.

Oh, I thought this was some sort of bizarre game you all have to do at Christmas.

You need to stop giving her so much importance in your thought. In reality her actions are irrelevant and pointless but this seems to be completely taking your thought over. Stop letting it.

Op, they're not your inlaws, he's your boyfriend. This is all far too much for someone your age, and there are so many red flags in this situation. I know it's difficult to see them when you're stuck in the middle of it all, but you really need to get away so you're able to see how overbearing this situation is.

This really is a case where it doesn't matter unless you choose to let it matter. You say you don't care but you are twitching away, telling us yours is a REAL diamond and the baby clothes race is unfair.

Just drop it. Why does it matter if she says they got together before you did? It only matters if it also matters to you that you got together first. It doesn't matter who gets a wedding/house/child first. just say, 'Oh lovely,' or 'Oh that's nice'. Agree with her. Next time she says they were together first, say, 'Oh yeah, you've been together way longer than us.' Because - who cares? It means something to her, not to you, so let her have it. It's no battle if you stop getting wound up by it.

Trust me, your SIL wont be going through fertility treatment just to beat you to some old baby stuff.

What has SIL actually said to your face and how much of this has come from your MIL?

You sound like you have a bit of a tendency to be competitive yourself, why else would you feel the need to mention your 'real' diamond ring?

Don’t reward her by showing any irritation or resentment - that’s what she wants! A serene smile and ‘Oh, that’s nice’, ‘How lovely’, etc. will be the best (and most mature) by far.

Thank you. It got tempting to react after the insult to my ring… but that’s because I kept getting told that 🤦‍♀️ I wouldn’t ever compete

So you are slightly competing yourself or that wouldn’t bother you. So what if yours is real and hers isn’t. Or the other way round. As long as you like yours.

I’m glad you’ve had a bit more insight now after all the advice. Just do your own thing. Ignore. Ignore.

Just seen that pomeganite said the same. X post

You sound like you have a bit of a tendency to be competitive yourself, why else would you feel the need to mention your 'real' diamond ring?

Ignore them and focus on what you want out of your life then set out to achieve it.

Six of one and half a dozen of the other.

MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about).

Well yes, that's normally how hand-me-downs work. The first person to need them, has them. They will hand them to you when they no longer have need of them. Often nice baby stuff is passed around a whole generation of the family.

OP is 19 going on 14.

At 19 you really don't need to be worrying about having a baby or owning a property yet. Most people your age are a long way off from that too. Stop looking at her as if she's your competition and just be happy for her while enjoying your own life. You have time to work towards your goals, it doesn't matter if she gets there first.

When my SIL was buying a new house (that's much bigger than mine) I didn't see it as a slight against me. We sent each other Rightmove links for properties, moaned together about tiny kitchens in massive houses and talked about what we'd do to improve layouts. It was a bit of fun for both of us and the thought that she was bragging or competing didn't even cross my mind.