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Original poster

SIL and Her P*ssing Contest

150 replies

MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 00:50

SIL is so jealous of me; and it’s getting too much.

She’s always tried to beat me to everything and make sure I know it, even going as far as trying to prove her and BIL were dating before DH and I (they weren’t, i remember when they got together) by stating they were HOOKING UP months prior in front of MIL and FIL!! She pulls little tricks to gain IL parents’ favor, and they always seem to fall for it and have even favored her over me (greatly, i mean to the point of mean gossip) sometimes!! Which is ok if I don’t live next door to them—but I do.. so I’d rather be equal. Well, lately she keeps rumoring BIL will propose (did I mention they’re not actually married?) and decided to tell MIL the diamond is bigger than mine… forgot to mention it’s a fake unlike mine tho. It’s p*ssing me off. I’m no competition for SIL, and, honestly, MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about). So SIL is undergoing IVF and trying to find a surrogate while I’m over here not going to have a LO for years because I don’t want to. AND she has convinced BIL to buy a house with her just so they can be the first to own a house, because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it). I think MIL enjoys the drama as she always adds fuel with the ‘baby race’, mean gossip, repeating things she shouldn’t (the bigger diamond), and saying stuff like “oh, SIL seems so jealous of you because I—“ “oh, they’ll be so jealous when they see—“. It’s annoying, we aren’t dolls to play with and make fight.

I guess enough is just enough and I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of ignoring it and really want to make her cut it out. What do I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:16

@britneyisfree

Bit too much effort to read all the crossed out bits but yeah she's an idiot ignore.
Sorry about that I don’t have anyone to talk with :/
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:17

@Palavah

Just agree with her and do your own thing. She'll soon lose interest.
I like that solution! No one gets mad, thank you :)
OP posts:
RedHot22 · 20/12/2021 02:21

Absolutely agree, just don’t get involved in the contest. A contest or competition can’t happen if you don’t take part.

Does it matter who got together first, who has a baby first etc etc?

She’s obviously insecure and is dragging you into insecurity too, let it go. Do your own thing, she will get bored, relax a bit and hopefully your relationship with her will improve.

You’re 19, dance to your own tune x

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:21

@lovelilies

Reading this, you sound just as batshit as "SIL" and you both need to grow up.

MIL is laughing at you moth behind your backs at how ridiculous you both are.

What did you expect when you clicked “SIL P*ssing Contest”? It’s driving me crazy so I may sound a little out of it.

If MIL is, she’s sick for engaging when I actually ignore it the best I can. It’s like they’re poking me for a reaction. Anyways, have a nice day

OP posts:
RedHot22 · 20/12/2021 02:23

Is SiL your DH’s sister or his brothers wife?

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:23

@RedHot22

Absolutely agree, just don’t get involved in the contest. A contest or competition can’t happen if you don’t take part.

Does it matter who got together first, who has a baby first etc etc?

She’s obviously insecure and is dragging you into insecurity too, let it go. Do your own thing, she will get bored, relax a bit and hopefully your relationship with her will improve.

You’re 19, dance to your own tune x

Thank you!! Honestly, MIL and FIL favored me a lot when we first started dating and badgered her, so I think it’s a lot of that left over she’s trying to compensate for (which was not ok btw! I never liked that they compared us). I tried to bond but I guess damage is done. But thank you! I will x
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:24

@RedHot22

Is SiL your DH’s sister or his brothers wife?
Im sorry, it’s my brother in law’s soon to be wife :)
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:28

@ESGdance

Don’t get drawn in.

Be indifferent.

Don’t let her nonsense preoccupy you.

Assume your MIL is enjoying seeing you twitch - don’t give it too her.

There is nothing you can say to either of them. Drop the rope - withdraw from the detail - don’t give them detail from your life. Get your head out of their games.

If I could pin a comment to the top— it would be this. I feel like this hits the nail on the head as far as what to do and the dynamics. Thank you!! I will do this
OP posts:
RedHot22 · 20/12/2021 02:29

Ah ok.
So you’re both DiLs and the DH’s are brothers.

Yep, you absolutely have to stop this now or it will continue throughout your entire life.
It’s not a contest if you don’t take part and having a good relationship with your in-laws makes life so much easier, calmer and simpler Smile

Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:30

@TiddlesTheTiger

Have you mentioned that you're not interested in the 'baby race'? MiL sounds like a stirrer.
She is. I have a 1000 times. She tries to convince me that I want one, says she’s getting old (she’s about 40), and has even announced we’ll be trying soon before… we weren’t even married yet. I’ve told her I’m not till we move and I’m about 25 :)
OP posts:
Original poster
MrsMissusAnonAnonymous · 20/12/2021 02:32

@RedHot22

Ah ok. So you’re both DiLs and the DH’s are brothers.

Yep, you absolutely have to stop this now or it will continue throughout your entire life.
It’s not a contest if you don’t take part and having a good relationship with your in-laws makes life so much easier, calmer and simpler Smile

Thank you!! I’m hoping a little ignoring and a little killing with kindness will help. Getting advice has made me feel a lot less annoyed and I truly do want a good relationship with my ILs and the best for them.
OP posts:
Hen2018 · 20/12/2021 02:40

I’m sure I’ve read this post before, especially the bit about who was dating first.

RantyAunty · 20/12/2021 03:03

Who is relaying all this information to you? The MIL?

Nancydrawn · 20/12/2021 03:14

Wait, are you 19 years old now? Or is that your SIL?

DropYourSword · 20/12/2021 03:17

@MrsMissusAnonAnonymous

I promise you I don’t engage. I’m just getting fed up and was tempted to say something. I always wish her the best and tell her I’m happy for her new developments, but she only ever comes back at me with more of her competing.
It does sort of read like you are engaging though. Why on earth does it matter about who started dating first, or whose diamond is bigger! It’s only a competition if you compete. I’d just be, meh, whatever about any of this.
A580Hojas · 20/12/2021 03:23

Ha ha at the idea of a 40 year old wanting grandkids! You're quite right OP - you're far too young to be having children.

1forAll74 · 20/12/2021 03:36

Just tell them to cut all this nonsense behaviour out, as you find it very irritating. If you don't speak up, they will never change. and you will be annoyed forever.

1Step2Step · 20/12/2021 04:00

You just need to not think about it. The fact you dwell on the situation means you simmer about it. It obviously bothers you that she’s persistently copying or trying to outdo you but that is a reflection on her. I had a similar situation with my SIL and I literally don’t bother with her, rarely see her and so she’s not even anyone I think about.

I dated my DH a week before she started going out with my BIL (we were sort-of friends before then. She weirdly mentioned she got the better brother (wtf, who thinks like that?)

We moved in together very quickly , then they moved in together.
We bought a house, then they did a few months later. She insisted on showing her parents through my house to compare.
We moved to a new town , then …. yep they moved there.
We got engaged …. They got engaged a few months later.
We got married … yeah they did a few months later.
She then got married at the same venue as us, same caterer, same photographer. Before that she was boasting her parents were paying for a lavish wedding with all the frills but got her wires crossed and her parents didn’t offer this thus the small wedding like mine.
We moved overseas , they tried to follow us there but couldn’t move at the time and we weren’t willing to put them up at our home.
We moved to another country and bought a house to settle down , they moved to the same city a year later. They live about 5 mins from us.

Our circle of friends used to joke to us about how they always copied us. Even silly things like upgrading furniture or appliances.

The only difference has been kids as we didn’t want any until much later so they provided the first grandkids which tbh I was happy with - took the stress off us.

My SIL has said and done some pretty cruel or rude things to both me and other family members in the past so we have kept a wide berth from them which unfortunately has distanced my husband from his brother. They still meet up for social things and workouts together but rarely is it the four of us. The good thing is that I only see her a couple of times a year and I keep it civil and chatter very vague / small talk.

I find that it’s best to keep toxic people at a distance.

1Step2Step · 20/12/2021 04:13

Sorry just read up that you’re 19yo. I’m now in my 40’s and started with my partner when I was 18 (he was 21). I remember in my situation at that age it was hard to distance myself from the SIL as brothers both had the same circle of friends and social things. I’m imagining that she’s pretty insecure and has a need to try to feel superior to make herself feel better about herself. At that age it can be over the most ridiculous things (My SIL would make subtle digs about places she shops for clothes, shoes etc as I was a poor student and couldn’t afford much. )

Just try to keep any talk with her to the bare minimum but be polite. I found it really rubbed my SIL the wrong way by acting very happy around her. I never complained about anything and was generally really cheery and smiley. I think that used to annoy her even more as I think she wanted the satisfaction of not just thinking she was doing better but that I acknowledged it and responded to it. If you don’t acknowledge her trying to outdo you hopefully she will get bored and give up or try to compete with one of her friends.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/12/2021 04:35

You honestly sound as bad as each other.

Move house!

Itsnotover · 20/12/2021 05:01

You're only 19 so I can see how you'd be getting dragged into this. You need to stop caring about what they say or do. Focus on the life that you have with your dh. Your MIL sounds like the really toxic one if I'm honest - she shouldn't be playing you two off against each other this way.

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/12/2021 05:48

At 19, as you say, you’re far too young to be thinking about children. You should be having fun, not worrying about a manipulative mil. Having children last will hopefully mean your mil favours your bil/Sil’s kids over yours. Normally this would be sad. But it sounds as though that would be a bonus. You’re going to need some pretty good boundaries in future. In your place, I’d be looking into how to create and strengthen boundaries and learn about triangulation and narcissism.

YourenutsmiLord · 20/12/2021 05:56

At only 19 I would advise clearing off - leaving DP, and the rest of his insecure, bitchy relatives to it.

Find a nice man with a nice place and a nice, normal family.

Theunamedcat · 20/12/2021 06:05

Are you sure this is what you want to marry into?

MimiDaisy11 · 20/12/2021 06:05

You live next door?
I’d move. That’s too close even for nice in laws.