SIL and Her P*ssing Contest

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

SIL is so jealous of me; and it’s getting too much.

She’s always tried to beat me to everything and make sure I know it, even going as far as trying to prove her and BIL were dating before DH and I (they weren’t, i remember when they got together) by stating they were HOOKING UP months prior in front of MIL and FIL!! She pulls little tricks to gain IL parents’ favor, and they always seem to fall for it and have even favored her over me (greatly, i mean to the point of mean gossip) sometimes!! Which is ok if I don’t live next door to them—but I do.. so I’d rather be equal. Well, lately she keeps rumoring BIL will propose (did I mention they’re not actually married?) and decided to tell MIL the diamond is bigger than mine… forgot to mention it’s a fake unlike mine tho. It’s p*ssing me off. I’m no competition for SIL, and, honestly, MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about). So SIL is undergoing IVF and trying to find a surrogate while I’m over here not going to have a LO for years because I don’t want to. AND she has convinced BIL to buy a house with her just so they can be the first to own a house, because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it). I think MIL enjoys the drama as she always adds fuel with the ‘baby race’, mean gossip, repeating things she shouldn’t (the bigger diamond), and saying stuff like “oh, SIL seems so jealous of you because I—“ “oh, they’ll be so jealous when they see—“. It’s annoying, we aren’t dolls to play with and make fight.

I guess enough is just enough and I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of ignoring it and really want to make her cut it out. What do I do?

Don’t engage with it at all
There’s no competition so she can’t compete with you

Sounds like MIL is triangulating you both to get what she wants (attention, drama and grandchildren).

Move.
Tell MIL and SIL you don't know if you ever want children.
Grey rock.

Wait, your not married and they’re not married, so neither of you are in laws.

Enjoy yourselves while your young. Go out together and have some fun. Get to know each other.

Tell them you don't want DC until you're 38, you want to buy a massive camper van and travel round Europe, you want to breed ferrets for a living. In this situation I would feed them utter bollocks and laugh if they fall for it.

OP you seriously need to not care. It'll probably require work but hey if you care she wins. She's insecure and pathetic. Pitiful as it is.

TBH, it sounds like you're the one keeping score.

This too exhausting to read let alone care about. You sound 13

Seriously, I’d move away. They both deserve each other.

I can guarantee your SIL is not having IVF to piss you off or get some mouldy old furniture from the loft. People often buy houses, particularly when they’re settling down and having babies, so that is not weird or competitive in any way.

Grow up.

You're married at 19 with a SIL getting IVF to compete with you?

I do agree you need to try to pull back and disengage, becayse this reads like you are just as bad, who cares if her diamond is bigger, or she has a child first or she buys a house whilst you live in a caravan. Just get on with your life.

You can’t be in a pissing contest if you refuse to take part.

However for all your protestations that you’re totally innocent - your brag about your diamond being real and SIL’s isn’t suggests otherwise.

You’re preoccupied with “being equal” and you’re playing your part in this saga continuing.

You sound very immature. Someone isn’t going through IVF just to get one over on you. SIL obviously has fertility issues, a fact that you seem to be oblivious to in your determination to see it as her racing you,

You’re 19. This is not what you want the next few decades of your life to be about. Grow up, disentangle from the bitchiness and focus on having fun. You’re not in the school playground any more.

You're 19 ffs! What the hell os she trying to convince you to have a baby for? My advice would be DO NOT have a baby with your parter because while you live anywhere near his mother. She will be 10 times worse if you have a baby.

I don't know, something about someone having IVF so they get first dibs on some grimy old baby clothes and someone's got a cubic zirconia but its bigger than the other's REAL diamond and then someone's buying a house, not to live in but to make the other one jealous cos she lives in a caravan

This is all too much drama. Are you married?

You are 19. At your age, it probably would have wound me up to.

I have a sil I don't get on with that always wants to compete. She got bored because I don't engage. And you are engaging.

You think she is going to get a surrogate and IVF to have a baby before you? You think she is convincing bil (who I assume is a grown man) to buy a house, not because they are getting married and want children. ....but just to beat you?

Your mil seems to be fuelling this. I suspect sil doesn't say half of what you thinks she has and you are falling for it.

There is no competition unless you are involved in it. And you are involved in it, even by just getting annoyed.

Leave them to it. Personally, as someone with a lot more life experience than you I would either move away from your mil with dp. If he won't, I would be leaving without him.

Do nothing. Can you go low contact with her?

My sister is like this. Insanely jealous of me. I was the scapegoat of a narcissistic mother and she was the golden girl.....but I fought my way to a better life and it drives her mad. She's always trying to find something to discredit me with, always trying to make me look bad in front of our father. I decided to go low contact some time ago and I barely have to see her these days.

Dealing with people like that is no good for your wellbeing. Take a step back and look after you and yours.

What do you mean SIL is trying to find a surrogate?

What do you mean MIL/FIL cause trouble by saying mean gossip about you? If this is the case you should not be trying to get on with them - you should not be trying to seek the approval of nasty people - detach and live you own life with family and friends who are fair and kind. Don’t fight with them but be firm, polite and consistently state your boundaries - and act on it.

They sound like parents - swerve.

Are you all 16?
You sound irrationally jealous and quite obsessed

Move away. Cut all contact with MIL and SIL.

OP - you are 19 and married, living on PIL land in a mobile home. I would suggest you need to both focus on careers so you can move further away and be independent from them all.

What's your dhs view on all this, or is he still in "child" mode and doesn't see he is able to challenge the adults?

Oh I see you are 19. I think you may be thinking about this too much. At 19, why would you care? Let her have children first, she’ll soon be up to her eyes in nappies and sleeplessness nights. Let her crack on. I’d still move away from your mil though, it’s too intense.You’re very young, enjoy your youth!

If you love your husband, and want to remain with him, put plans in motion to move away from his family. Your MIL obviously loves drama and conflict, and this baby nonsense is not going to stop.

A little distance will do you the world of good.

Why does half your post have a line drawn through the text? Makes it v hard to read?

But the first few lines sound petty

You're both immature and silly

I don’t see any crossings out? I wonder if a couple of dashes are doing something odd in the app.

I’d agree with the advice on focusing on your independence.