SIL and Her P*ssing Contest

[MrsMissusAnonAnonymous]

SIL is so jealous of me; and it’s getting too much.

She’s always tried to beat me to everything and make sure I know it, even going as far as trying to prove her and BIL were dating before DH and I (they weren’t, i remember when they got together) by stating they were HOOKING UP months prior in front of MIL and FIL!! She pulls little tricks to gain IL parents’ favor, and they always seem to fall for it and have even favored her over me (greatly, i mean to the point of mean gossip) sometimes!! Which is ok if I don’t live next door to them—but I do.. so I’d rather be equal. Well, lately she keeps rumoring BIL will propose (did I mention they’re not actually married?) and decided to tell MIL the diamond is bigger than mine… forgot to mention it’s a fake unlike mine tho. It’s p*ssing me off. I’m no competition for SIL, and, honestly, MIL doesn’t help by basically starting a ‘baby race’ (she told SIL whoever has a baby first gets all the old baby stuff which I think is unfair but I’m not worried about). So SIL is undergoing IVF and trying to find a surrogate while I’m over here not going to have a LO for years because I don’t want to. AND she has convinced BIL to buy a house with her just so they can be the first to own a house, because DH and I are renting IL’s old land (we own the mobile home on it). I think MIL enjoys the drama as she always adds fuel with the ‘baby race’, mean gossip, repeating things she shouldn’t (the bigger diamond), and saying stuff like “oh, SIL seems so jealous of you because I—“ “oh, they’ll be so jealous when they see—“. It’s annoying, we aren’t dolls to play with and make fight.

I guess enough is just enough and I’m getting to a point where I’m tired of ignoring it and really want to make her cut it out. What do I do?

The best things are worth waiting for - in this case, a baby. You're absolutely right to not want one until you're in a better position.

Whilst some people can start a fight in an empty room, you don't have to make it easier for them by being part of it - so you're right there as well.

The only difficulty might be constant pressure from the MIL to have a baby, whether that pressure also falls upon your fiance or not. Medically, it's better for both you and a baby to wait. Financially, it's better. In terms of your home, it's better. And when you want to, not when somebody wants you to is always better. If the pressure gets too much, you may be happier looking to find some different land/another site. But that's not always easy, I know.

You're doing great as you are.

@frazzledasarock

Move to the other end of the country and don’t give them a forwarding address.

The best thing would be to switch off and smile and nod. And just ignore them all.

This.

Don't engage at all.

Thinking about this again, you are 19 and already married. Shes engaged to your dhs brother, is he the older or younger brother? If she is engaged to the older brother, that his little brother has got married already might make her feel compelled to catch up. You are very young, I had presumed SIL is similar aged, or is she quite a bit older?

The whole set up seems too close when the people involved are hard work and putting you down. I would look at what yours and dhs long term plans are, including moving away from their land. (Even if you stay in the same town, being in your own place will remove the pressure.)

You have two choices:

A - make a big issue out of it and possibly end up alienating all that side of the family.

B - let it all wash over you.

On the whole, what you are doing is allowing yourself to get in a twist over it. You can't control what she does or says (or her motives for doing so), but you can control your own reactions to it. So my advice would be to go for B if you can.

My SIL used to be like this. It got to the point where I hated them visiting because I knew the next time we saw them they would have gone one better.
However at our last family get together she made a massive deal of her daughter being designated driver of the, wait for it, new Tesla. We have never been into car envy but having recently sold my business I had semi retired, DH encouraged me to treat myself to a car that I wouldn’t have normally even considered. It would probably be the first and last time we could afford it so we bought a top of the range British SUV. We hadn’t told any of the family and had to park it on the road so no one saw us arrive.
Well I kept my mouth shut and at the end of the evening drove the car to the entrance to load up elderly MIL & FIL just as SIL was prancing about introducing the family to her son in laws Tesla. To say her jaw was on the floor would be an understatement.
But it made up for every put down.

Are you seriously suggesting your SIL is having IVF and looking for a surrogate, simply because she wants to get her hands on MIL's manky old baby stuff?

You all sound equally deranged to me.

Ignore your INLAWS. How you live your life is up to you. People who spend time playing the pissing game are never happy with there lot. And remember you never have to justify your choices to anyone. Leave your SIL to be perpetually unhappy with her lot.

Are you the young bride who lives in a caravan on your husbands parents land that they use as a dump? Whole thing sounds like a farce, really. Your husbands brother’s girlfriend is of no concern to you, focus on changing your life.

How old is she?

I think you're all bonkers. I think you're paranoid if you think a woman is buying a house/getting married/getting IVF because her teenage sil happened to get married before her. You're probably reading things that aren't there.

Chill.

As other posters have said, to stop playing you drop the rope

Oh look my diamond is bigger than yours
So i see, I wouldn't change mine for the workd

Oh I'm going to get pregnant before you
That's wonderful news, I can't wait to be an auntie

MIL - oh sil will beat you at the baby race
You - I'm really happy about that, can't wait to have a baby in the immediate family

Oh look, we own our house, yous re only renting
Oh it's lovely, I love the decoration/back garden/kitchen colour

I have a feeling the sil gives zero shits about the op. This is all driven by the mil, with the OP contributing.

Jesus how old is your “sil” to be going through IVF?

Don't let this petty drama drag you in. Also, IVF is a stressful and honestly weird experience, and if it "helps" her live through it to be mean, let her be mean. It's a rollercoaster, and most people really don't understand what we're going through, not that this is an excuse to be shitty to everyone else.

In your case I would just ignore and stay out of the drama.

She isn't going through ivf just to one up you. Come off it.
Yes some of it is petty, but to state that is a bit much. You both sound as bad as each other at this point.

@MargosKaftan

Thinking about this again, you are 19 and already married. Shes engaged to your dhs brother, is he the older or younger brother? If she is engaged to the older brother, that his little brother has got married already might make her feel compelled to catch up. You are very young, I had presumed SIL is similar aged, or is she quite a bit older?

The whole set up seems too close when the people involved are hard work and putting you down. I would look at what yours and dhs long term plans are, including moving away from their land. (Even if you stay in the same town, being in your own place will remove the pressure.)

You are spot on! SIL is about 23 and BIL is 25, DH is 19 like me. I think that’s exactly what it is which makes me so sad because truly, it started happening when we announced our engagement. And I would have loved a close bond with SIL… Def agree we are saving to move :)

@IsabelHerna

Don't let this petty drama drag you in. Also, IVF is a stressful and honestly weird experience, and if it "helps" her live through it to be mean, let her be mean. It's a rollercoaster, and most people really don't understand what we're going through, not that this is an excuse to be shitty to everyone else.

In your case I would just ignore and stay out of the drama.

Agreed. I wish SIL the best and I hope her IVF is easy and successful :)

@peboh

She isn't going through ivf just to one up you. Come off it. Yes some of it is petty, but to state that is a bit much. You both sound as bad as each other at this point.

It may be a stretch. But you haven’t met my SIL. However, I hope she isn’t, and I did post earlier why I even thought it was related. However, maybe MIL just got in my head because seems to think it’s part of the race and was breathing down my neck about it.

@Allmadeoflego

Jesus how old is your “sil” to be going through IVF?

About 23. I’ll be honest. SIL says a lot of stuff she doesn’t mean. She may not be going through it at all. She’s claimed a lot of stuff and wasn’t actually doing it, that’s probably why I don’t place much credibility on it. Anyways, if she is, I wish her the best

@Kbish1

I have a feeling the sil gives zero shits about the op. This is all driven by the mil, with the OP contributing.

I would think the same and would actually love that, but it’s not the case. She’s very cold and rude towards me. I do think MIL drives it tho. She probably says I talk bad about SIL just like she tells me SIL talks bad about me.

@GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow

As other posters have said, to stop playing you drop the rope

Oh look my diamond is bigger than yours
So i see, I wouldn't change mine for the workd

Oh I'm going to get pregnant before you
That's wonderful news, I can't wait to be an auntie

MIL - oh sil will beat you at the baby race
You - I'm really happy about that, can't wait to have a baby in the immediate family

Oh look, we own our house, yous re only renting
Oh it's lovely, I love the decoration/back garden/kitchen colour

thank you!! I really was just asking advice on how to handle this maturely, I love this. Thank you a bunch :)

@Momijin

I think you're all bonkers. I think you're paranoid if you think a woman is buying a house/getting married/getting IVF because her teenage sil happened to get married before her. You're probably reading things that aren't there.

Chill.

I mean, I’d love to just be bonkers. I’ve tried to bond with SIL so many times but she just gives a cold shoulder and then dog piles me whenever MIL doesn’t like me for a season. Hopefully you’re right :)

You all sound equally bad tbh

@HollowTalk

How old is she?

23

@Bluntness100

Seriously, why are you indulging in this shit? Just don’t listen

Potentially as she’s a teenager.

Hahaha I love this😂 I try to be mature and pay no mind but in the end I’m still only 19