Love of my life - completely fucked up

[completefuckup66]

I have completely fucked up with the love of my life.
We have had the most incredible relationship you can imagine and I know everyone says that but honestly, I was with an absolute diamond. We had a very not toxic relationship. He was the loveliest guy in the whole world and I’m not just saying this now I’ve always said this - he is the double of me, so so caring and lovely, loves all the things I do, made me feel so at home. I’ve had a bit of a hard time recently and he’s been there for me every step of the way and really stepped up. I’ve been really conscious that I have been a bit moany around him but he’s been there through it all and not put a foot wrong.
I’ve also struggled with anxiety in the past and been with abusive people. One night a few months ago - and I don’t know why - I got so drunk and took it out on him, moaned that he wasn’t doing enough and then held him because he wanted to leave and I didn’t want him to. Completely wrong of me and we got past it and it’s all been incredible.

Two days ago he told me he sees a future with me, is so excited for everything and thinks the whole world of me. And today I fucked it up in one morning.
I woke up so so so so stressed, I’ve had so much on my plate for the last few weeks. I’ve sorted therapy to help me and I’ve tried not to put it on him. It just got a bit much for me this morning and I for some reason got upset that he wasn’t kissing and cuddling me as much in the morning (??? Pathetic I know) and I told him he had to do it and to act like my boyfriend (pathetic). We argued (which we never do) and he got up to leave so again I tried to grab him so that he wouldn’t leave. I also accidentally elbowed him when I got upset and it wasn’t intentional.

He then broke up with me completely. Said he was completely done, he draws the line at being controlled and abused. I didn’t mean anything I did and it was just a blip. I mean it when I say it’s been incredible before this, we have the best time, we laugh so much, everyone says how amazing we are together. But he’s just left and said nothing will change his mind, he will never see me again.

I’m absolutely heartbroken that one stupid blip from me has made the love of my life walk out. He didn’t put a foot wrong and I’m honestly struggling to ever forgive myself for this

I honestly can’t find a way to forgive myself, he did absolutely everything for me and I’ve worked so hard on myself, been having therapy etc. I also helped him through some really hard times and stuck by his side when he needed help. We have the best time out together, we are genuine best friends and I’ve thrown it all away

Sorry you’re suffering but he’s made the right choice. You can’t treat people like, as you realise.

I hope the therapy is useful.

And yet you couldn’t be nice and respect him. Learn from this OP.

I really do realise it but today was one blip and I instantly realised and apologised. I can’t believe I’ve thrown someone away who thought so much of me

You can't treat him properly. He's done the right thing by leaving.

You need to work on yourself before you even consider having a relationship. Your behaviour is not normal.

It's not just one blip though... you've done it before.

I’m really sorry to hear this, op, but it wasn’t one blip, was it. This is the second time you’ve done it. There are some real issues here you need to deal with before getting into a relationship. Life is chocka with stress, you cannot change that.

I hope you can get the help you need.

All about you. I think he’s had a lucky escape. You need more work OP.

This wasn’t 1 blip, it was a rerun of bad behaviour.

It’s not one blip at all. And even if it was he’s within his rights to have healthy boundaries and leave when they’re not respected.

You can’t physically restrain someone. That’s appalling and abusive.

It wasn’t one blip. You don’t sound like you are emotionally ready for a relationship.

But this one blip, follows the one blip from before where you repeated unacceptable behaviour (trying to stop him leaving) with added elbow bash... he can see it escalating and has got out. Can't say I blame him - sorry OP.

Sounds like a reverse to me

So twice you have physically prevented him from leaving. You know that’s not good.

It’s not one blip though OP. This is the second time you have prevented him from leaving. Your boyfriend was prepared to work through it the first time but not the second and honestly he has done the right thing.

Once was a mistake the second time was a choice.

I say this with kindness but it doesn't sound like you're ready to be in a relationship. You need to work on your issues with your therapy first. Your expectations and reactions aren't healthy for either of you.

OP, you are not ready to be in a relationship. You really need to complete a full course of counselling or therapy to address your problems, before exposing an innocent partner to abuse like this. It is not fair or healthy to use him as an outlet for your issues, and he has quite rightly voted with his feet.
Learn from this, and wait until you are emotionally healthy and balanced, before looking for a new partner. He is not the only well adjusted, loving man in the world, and I hope you find another such. But only when you can be an equally good partner in return.
My best wishes for your journey of self healing, and eventual happiness.

I came to say what everyone else has. Once is a blip. Twice is a pattern. You've shown him who you are and he doesn't like it. Sorry OP but he was right to end it.

He did the right thing by leaving. Take time out from relationships and work on yourself.

Also you can't blame aniexty and bad past relationships on your behaviour. There's plenty of people who have had abusive relationships and bad mental health who wouldn't dream of treating the person they love like that.
You won't accept blame and your blaming something else rather than take responsibility for your actions. You aren't ready to change.

Learn from what happened. Really, really learn from it. It's shitty, and it hurts, and you will struggle with the loss of his presence in your life. But I think you took too much from him, and were too dependent on him. He sounds like a nice guy, but everyone has a limit. Let him go, and work on yourself.

I know you are remorseful and very upset. Please get some help and do not contact your ex again. He has standards and boundaries that keep him healthy. You have unfortunately crossed those boundaries and he does not want this behaviour becoming a standard in this relationship. Its tough but he made the right decision. Your decision now is to heal from your past trauma and do not get into another relationship until then. Please avoid stalking your ex or begging him again....go and see a therapist to work through this.

Consider him a valuable learning experience and let him go. Get your therapy. Forgive yourself. Some of us (unlike most of MN ;) ) are not perfect. That's fine, we can learn and move on. Off you go, deep breaths, shake yourself, and start afresh elsewhere.

He needed to escape from you, as you sound a bit dramatic, and a bit needy, and he fears that you don't respect him. despite how you lovingly describe him.

But it wasn't one blip.

Op you don’t seem like you’re in the right place for a love interest
Get the therapy
And then….

Do you have any children?