Would you use sex toy if partner doesn’t want sex ?

[ShareLove]

Basically my partner and I are extremely happy , we been together for 7 years . for the last 2 years our sex life has gone , maybe 1 time a month . My partners has stressful office job and I understand he’s not into sex while stressing about work . He does not cheat 10000%
He’s amazing guy .
But I don’t have stressful job and I always want sex . He doesn’t but I do .
I am okay with that , I have accepted it and I’m ok about it .
My questions is , is is rude for me to buy sex toy secretly without him knowing ?
I wouldn’t want to tell
Him as I feel embarrassed ? Or should I tell him and maybe he will start being more sexual ? I just feel guilty him not knowing .
Am I wrong ?
I would never break up with him as our relationship is perfect apart from sex . And I’m okay with how we are , I have accepted it . Thanks for answering :)

---

If you've found this page in your search of the best couples sex toys that have been recommended by fellow Mumsnet users, you might find our guide to the best sex toys for couples useful. Hope this helps! MNHQ

Of course it is okay 😊.

You have needs that are not being satisfied. Just get one!!

Happy shopping 😁

Of course it’s ok!

Have you honestly never masturbated whilst in a relationship?

Cos I bet your DP has and does?

Totally fine! You don’t need to tell your other half anything about masturbating or using toys - even if you have a sex life that is doing the job, generally speaking!

Oh goodness, of course it's okay. Far better than pestering your partner for sex or making him feel bad about not wanting it so often!

Your sexual relationship with you is 100% your business. Enjoy.

Going against the grain here, I wouldn't keep it a secret.

If you're ok with not having sex and he doesn't want it that's fine but you have needs and he doesn't get to be upset by that.

A gazillion years of relationship experience suggests to me that there is no merit in sharing absolutely everything, and sometimes there is a middle ground where everyone is reasonably content. Over-disclosure can cause as much trouble as under-disclosure

@TripTrappingOverMyBridge

Oh goodness, of course it's okay. Far better than pestering your partner for sex or making him feel bad about not wanting it so often!

This.

Absolutely ok.

This is YOUR body, your business.

Yes of course you should buy yourself a toy. Though I would drop gentle hints, partly because he should be aware you are missing sex and also in case he finds the toy accidentally. Think about how he would react if this happened, this would help you decide whether to tell him or not.

Are you sure you want to live like this for the rest of your life?

You get your toy and enjoy it.

Have an affair if he isn't delivering the goods. :)

@ElfIsTheImposter

Have you honestly never masturbated whilst in a relationship?

Cos I bet your DP has and does?

This

It’s Christmas, treat yourself!

It shouldn’t be a dirty secret and of course you can buy and use anything you like.

It is absolutely ok and i would tell him about the sex toy

Of course it’s OK!

Tell him or don’t - up to you. No reason he shouldn’t know though.

To be honest I'd be getting a FWB never mind a toy!

@ReadyforTakeOff

Have an affair if he isn't delivering the goods. :)

Cracking advice. Have you thought of becoming an agony aunt?

Absolutely fine and up to you whether you tell him. DH gets really turned on at the thought of me amusing myself, so it may pay off in that way too.

We can easily go a month without DTD, as either or both of us are too busy, tired or otherwise not int he mood. However, we now have a scheduled maintenance shag every week and I find it actually helps both our sex drives as we always enjoy it once we get started and it keeps us feeling connected. I really notice the difference in both my sex drive and our relationship if we miss a few weeks (kids at home etc).

Why would you be embarrassed? How can you not be embarrassed about having sex with someone but be embarrassed by using a vibrator?? Ann Summers and Love Honey have made vibrators so main stream, I'm surprised not everyone has at least one, I have 3. Just tell him, if he doesn't like then he needs to up his game!! Although there's absolutely no reason for him not to like it.

Thanks everyone for you advice :)
I have bought one .
But keeping it a secret 😃
I don’t know how he would react , maybe jelous ? And I would never cheat on him , never ever , our relationship is amazing other that sex life. When we do have sex once in a while it’s amazing so I am still happy , I can live with that . He’s job is very stressful and often he’s not in the mood , but normally when it’s holiday ect , he’s always in the mood when I ask him
I think it’s just long term relationship thing , it’s gets a bit boring I guess after being together so long ? It was not like this at the beginning of the relationship for many years
And I don’t feel like telling him as he might see me as desperate haha I don’t know and i feel like I’m a dirty horny thing haha

It's not a LTR thing OP.
Sorry.

If he'd be jealous if he found it I'd talk to him.

He'd be jealous you masturbate, even though he doesn't have a compatible sex drive with you?

Don't you think that's very strange?

If your relationship is so amazing I dont know why you’re not communicating about this? I’m saying this in the nicest possible way