Husband wants a career change

[OwZ321]

My husband rushed through all his exams to be an accountant and he's now decided he wants a career change.

He seems to always be unhappy at work, frequently changes jobs and moans a lot.

We've been together for 8 years and he's had 5 job changes in that space of time. He always finds something to moan about something with work, it's usually his managers but with his current job he has decided that being an accountant is not for him and he's bored with working from home on a computer. He started working there during covid, he's only been working there for a year.

My husband has now decided he wants to join the police, he's never once told me in the 8 years we've been together this is the path he wants to go down. He's applied and starts in January, I have expressed to him a million times how I'm really not happy with him joining and the timing of it all. I have asked him if he would wait a few years as our youngest is only 12 weeks and he has refused and continued with his application.

To be honest I'm so annoyed and exhausted with it all. We have 4 kids together, 7 year old, 6 year old, 20 month old and 12 week old. We live in his hometown and my family live 1hr30mins drive away, we only have support from his mum who lives close by and that's not very forthcoming.

Working for the police will mean he will have to work unsocial hours, horrible shift work and a £6k pay cut when we are already struggling financially.

He has made it perfectly clear this is what he wants to do and nothing is going to change his mind, he even handed in his notice yesterday. Whenever I talk about it, he makes me feel bad and says he doesn't understand why I'm so upset about it.

I'm also a community nurse part time but currently on maternity leave. My job requires me to work 2 weekends a month and I don't know how I'm going to do that with him working a lot of weekends also.

I would move closer to family and consider leaving him but I can't afford to live closer to family as they are on the outskirts of London and its way too expensive.

I'm just looking for some advice please and others views.

I remember you posting about this when he was either just thinking about it or in the early stages of applying.

The thing that would bother me is that by taking on this kind of shift work when he's never done shifts before, is that it leaves you high and dry as the primary parent. Zero consideration for how you'll manage. Does he even consider how the school runs will happen? How the holidays will be managed? Why is it that all the parenting falls automatically to you? That's what would piss me right off.

That said, it does mean that if you do decide to leave, you'll be no worse off in terms of parenting support. In fact, you could argue that you'll be better off because he will be solely responsible for some school runs/weekends.

I'm all for being supportive and helping your partner achieve their dreams and pursue their fulfillment, but never at th expense of the the other partners wellbeing.

I knew someone in EXACTLY the same situation as you and their partner joined the police. (PM me if you want)
Don't let him - FOR THE LOVE OF GOD.
If he puts all his hopes for good mental health into the police force he'll find himself sorely disappointed when he doesn't get into armed response and he ends up looking after the drunk tank on a friday and Saturday night and in 1-2 years He'll be looking for another job.

He doesn't sound respectful OP. It's not like he's had one life calling - he bouncing from one thing to the next and dragging you along. He just comes across as very selfish, disrespectful and rude.

I'm concerned about this snapping thing - I can see that getting worse once he's in the force. He'll blame it on the lack of sleep, on the stress. Don't be that emotional punchbag.

Haven't read all of the comments but honestly OP, if you have any day over this do not let them do it. My DH had just left the police after 10 years and he is like a different man, he absolutely hated the job and with good reason.

They are an appalling organisation to work for (legit worse than the NHS) and treat their employees like shit.

Don't get me started on the shifts.