Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He wants to go on a weekend trip away after two dates

145 replies

Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 20:40

I have been on two dates with this guy. I am 24 and he is 28. We went on two dates around a month ago. Both of the dates went well. On the second date, he talked about meeting up again and going away for the weekend. I found it a little odd that he would want to go on a trip away so soon after meeting. I told him that I would rather go on a few more dates first. He said that was fine. I asked if he wanted to meet for a third date the following week. He said he would, but he was ill. He was ill for the next two weeks. Then, he messaged me saying he was feeling better. I asked if he wanted to meet up for a third date again. He said he would, but right now he is on holiday in a foreign country. I feel as if he is not really on holiday but is stringing me along as it is quite difficult to travel now due to covid restrictions. He said when he comes back from holiday, we can go on the trip away. I asked if he wanted to meet for drinks again on 23rd December when he is back from holiday, and he said he might be able to. Two days ago I messaged saying it would be good to meet for drinks on 23rd December, and since that he has not replied. I am very confused. I am not sure whether he is really interested or not. I am worried he could be stringing me along until he meets someone else. It has been a month since I last saw him. What should I do?

OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:03

@Cloudfrost

just wow.. you need some serious therapy if 2 dates in and u are obsessing on why did he not want a relationship with you.

agree with previous poster, u may not be, but u certainly give off a massive bunny boiler vibe

erm hardly. I am more annoyed that he has strung me along for a month
OP posts:
Cloudfrost · 18/12/2021 18:08

therapy would really help you work on why you have allowed him to string you along really..

anyone with good self esteem and bouncaries would have stopped contacting him ages ago when he kept claiming he was ill...

LuchiMangsho · 18/12/2021 18:10

Why did he just want sex? It’s ok to just want sex isn’t it? It’s ok to want a casual relationship? He made it quite clear that is where he was heading. With the weekend away comment. And you are well within your rights to say ‘I am not looking for a casual relationship.’

Maybe when he met her he wasn’t looking for something casual. Or it was something casual that became something more. How does anyone know? And why does it matter?

  • you have known him for a month
  • you have had two dates
  • he clearly wants a casual relationship (just wanting sex is fine btw- even a woman could want a sex only r’ship)
  • you want more OR this makes you uncomfortable
  • he also still possibly has feelings for his ex

None of this adds up to: he wanted a relationship with his ex and used you. He didn’t ‘use’ anyone. He had two dates. He asked for a weekend away. He hasn’t admittedly been great at communicating and really shouldn’t be talking about his ex that much.

Have you had many long term relations Joan before this?

Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:11

@Cloudfrost

therapy would really help you work on why you have allowed him to string you along really..

anyone with good self esteem and bouncaries would have stopped contacting him ages ago when he kept claiming he was ill...

Well I thought he was actually ill and felt bad for him, so him and I continued to message. After reading the replies for this thread I can now see he was stringing me along. I am by no means a bunny boiler who needs 'serious therapy'.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:16

@LuchiMangsho

Why did he just want sex? It’s ok to just want sex isn’t it? It’s ok to want a casual relationship? He made it quite clear that is where he was heading. With the weekend away comment. And you are well within your rights to say ‘I am not looking for a casual relationship.’

Maybe when he met her he wasn’t looking for something casual. Or it was something casual that became something more. How does anyone know? And why does it matter?

  • you have known him for a month
  • you have had two dates
  • he clearly wants a casual relationship (just wanting sex is fine btw- even a woman could want a sex only r’ship)
  • you want more OR this makes you uncomfortable
  • he also still possibly has feelings for his ex

None of this adds up to: he wanted a relationship with his ex and used you. He didn’t ‘use’ anyone. He had two dates. He asked for a weekend away. He hasn’t admittedly been great at communicating and really shouldn’t be talking about his ex that much.

Have you had many long term relations Joan before this?

Of course it's ok to just want sex. The reason I was so bothered about it was because I thought he decided he does not want a relationship with me because I am not good enough for him. After reading the replies on this thread, I realise I am wrong about that.
OP posts:
LuchiMangsho · 18/12/2021 18:19

But why did you think you weren’t good enough for him?

He may have not wanted a relationship for ANY number of reasons. Can you work out why you jumped to this explanation: ‘I am not good enough when his girlfriend was. What does she have that I don’t?’

Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:20

@LuchiMangsho

But why did you think you weren’t good enough for him?

He may have not wanted a relationship for ANY number of reasons. Can you work out why you jumped to this explanation: ‘I am not good enough when his girlfriend was. What does she have that I don’t?’

I suppose I thought that was the only logical explanation.
OP posts:
LuchiMangsho · 18/12/2021 18:24

See that’s the bit that’s worrying (and is what other posters picked up on). That’s quite a self flagellating conclusion to reach after 2 dates. You keep saying you know you have low self esteem but I think you might be minimising how low it is.

Do you think therapy would help? Is there something in your past (childhood/relationship with parents/long term romantic relationships) that has made you this vulnerable? And is there something MN could do to help?

Cloudfrost · 18/12/2021 18:26

and as i said earlier, you may well not be, but u definitely give off tha vibe. and if u do on here, its very likely u do irl too.

he may think u are not good enough for him , or you are too good for him, or any million of reasons he didnt like u enough to pursue a relationship. or even he doesnt want a relationship with anyone at the moment or ever again.

however, its not normal to obsess about the whys of this not going any further with someone u had 2 dates with... over a month ago ...

move on, he probably has already

Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:27

@LuchiMangsho

See that’s the bit that’s worrying (and is what other posters picked up on). That’s quite a self flagellating conclusion to reach after 2 dates. You keep saying you know you have low self esteem but I think you might be minimising how low it is.

Do you think therapy would help? Is there something in your past (childhood/relationship with parents/long term romantic relationships) that has made you this vulnerable? And is there something MN could do to help?

I think therapy would help, but I need to help myself too. There is only so much a therapist can do. There are quite a lot of really awful things that happened in my past which I don't really want to discuss on here. A lot of things have made me vulnerable yes
OP posts:
Cloudfrost · 18/12/2021 18:29

get therapy to address your issues or the next guy might play the longer game and string u along longer and actually use u for whatever he wants. some people are great at spotting and using vulnerable women

alexdgr8 · 18/12/2021 18:43

if you are looking for a serious relationship, why don't you just join sites that specialise in that.
you might still get some dozos, but at least the intentions will be clearer and you might find someone who is more compatible.
but
but honestly OP, some of your thinking and reasoning sounds wonky.
and i think you would do well to address those underlying ideas first.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 18/12/2021 18:50

@alexdgr8

if you are looking for a serious relationship, why don't you just join sites that specialise in that. you might still get some dozos, but at least the intentions will be clearer and you might find someone who is more compatible. but but honestly OP, some of your thinking and reasoning sounds wonky. and i think you would do well to address those underlying ideas first.
I don't do OLD. I prefer to meet people in real life
OP posts:
MeSanniesareBrannies · 18/12/2021 22:34

@Yummypumpkin

But its not just this man is it, OP.

I'm guessing your relationships with friends, family, colleagues and neighbours are also difficult and frustrating.

Because you don't listen to others. You are incapable of getting any perspective on your emotions or of recognising that your opinion and experience are not unique: you can't quite accept that other people have free will and independence, and you cling to people whilst also being highly critical of them.

All of this is really clear to anyone reading the thread.

You have remarkably strong issues around attachment, emotional regulation and healthy interactions.

To be Frank, this could well be why he didn't want a relationship with you.

But instead of taking responsibility for yourself and seeking therapy, you continue to expect strangers to respond to your obsessive, circular thinking.

It's really not the way to happiness.

Yup. She’s not going to take any of this in, but yup.
Changechangychange · 18/12/2021 22:43

@Marble2021

He may still want to meet for drinks on the 23rd. If he wanted the weekend away, he would meet for drinks on the 23rd I think
OP, it really does sound like he is interested. He has been on a date with you then ghosted. He probably has somebody else on the go. If he comes back after a month of silence, it hasn’t worked out with her and he’s just coming back to you as his backup shag. Honestly, block him and move on.
Changechangychange · 18/12/2021 22:46

^ doesn’t sounds like he’s interested

SunflowerTed · 18/12/2021 23:35

You only had two dates so how can you really decide what he did and didn’t want from you ? He’s obviously not interested so move on

SarahBellam · 19/12/2021 07:13

You’ve been one 2 dates. You haven’t seen him for a month. He’s only interested in weekends away. He only wants sex. I be if you messaged him and said you were feeling a bit randy and did he fancy coming round he’d be there in 10 minutes.

Babyghirl · 19/12/2021 14:23

@Marble2021
Pleasedont put yourself down, there's nothing wrong with you, you want a relationship and he doesn't none of you are in the wrong for wanting different things.

How do you know his ex is even real, you don't know him and only hearing what he wants to tell you, how do you know he's still not with her in a long distance relationship and only wanting a but to for fill his needs, or how do you know he's not with her now on that holiday.

Block his ass and look after your own MH he's not got for you if he has you like thins 2 dates in.

Babyghirl · 19/12/2021 14:24

Excuses the spelling on that dame auto correct 😂😂😂😂😂

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread