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Original poster

He wants to go on a weekend trip away after two dates

145 replies

Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 20:40

I have been on two dates with this guy. I am 24 and he is 28. We went on two dates around a month ago. Both of the dates went well. On the second date, he talked about meeting up again and going away for the weekend. I found it a little odd that he would want to go on a trip away so soon after meeting. I told him that I would rather go on a few more dates first. He said that was fine. I asked if he wanted to meet for a third date the following week. He said he would, but he was ill. He was ill for the next two weeks. Then, he messaged me saying he was feeling better. I asked if he wanted to meet up for a third date again. He said he would, but right now he is on holiday in a foreign country. I feel as if he is not really on holiday but is stringing me along as it is quite difficult to travel now due to covid restrictions. He said when he comes back from holiday, we can go on the trip away. I asked if he wanted to meet for drinks again on 23rd December when he is back from holiday, and he said he might be able to. Two days ago I messaged saying it would be good to meet for drinks on 23rd December, and since that he has not replied. I am very confused. I am not sure whether he is really interested or not. I am worried he could be stringing me along until he meets someone else. It has been a month since I last saw him. What should I do?

OP posts:
Yummypumpkin · 17/12/2021 21:34

He is a stranger.

This feeling all offended and rejected is out of place.

Surely you must see that your intensity of emotional reaction here and the time you are devoting it is very out of proportion.

Not every man who goes on a date with you is obliged to be your boyfriend.

ToffeeNotCoffee · 17/12/2021 21:35

You've only got his word for that.

ilssagain · 17/12/2021 21:36

Nah, dump and move on.
He's just after a shag and he's messing you around about the 23rd December. He'll be hedging his bets to meet up with the person most likely to shag him.
The weekend away thing was definitely to get a shag. It's far too early after two dates - you don't know him at all and from a safety point of view it's dangerous.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:37

@ilssagain

Nah, dump and move on. He's just after a shag and he's messing you around about the 23rd December. He'll be hedging his bets to meet up with the person most likely to shag him. The weekend away thing was definitely to get a shag. It's far too early after two dates - you don't know him at all and from a safety point of view it's dangerous.
I agree. I was worried about the safety thing too
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:38

@Yummypumpkin

He is a stranger.

This feeling all offended and rejected is out of place.

Surely you must see that your intensity of emotional reaction here and the time you are devoting it is very out of proportion.

Not every man who goes on a date with you is obliged to be your boyfriend.

I totally agree that he is not obliged to be my boyfriend. I just feel offended that he only wanted sex from me
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2021 21:38

@Marble2021

I'm not sure why he didn't want me as his girlfriend rather than just someone to have casual sex with on a weekend away
Maybe he doesn't want a girlfriend.

Why are you making this a you issue?
It sounds like you might be struggling a little with low self esteem.

Shitty people seek to have what they want irregardless of other peoples thoughts, feelings or nature. It's nothing to do with who you are or what you do or do not have to offer as a potential partner. Because that's not what they want from you.

However, you can decide to remove said people from your life once you see what they are. That, you can control.

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 17/12/2021 21:39

"ill for 2 weeks"
Were you aye?

Elieza · 17/12/2021 21:39

Ah I thought he still loved her.

That’s why he can’t date you. He’s in love with someone else. Even if the best looking, smartest, richest woman in the world dropped in his lap, if his ex walked past he’d be running after her calling her name like a shot.

So don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about her. And him wanting sex.

Disappointing I know but you deserve better than him so time to forget about him and accept he’s an ass.

Yummypumpkin · 17/12/2021 21:40

He hasn't said you're not good enough.

So that thought, that voice, is coming from somewhere else.

It is your conclusion, your interpretation, your words.

And I'd encourage you to think where that comes from, and who told you you were not good enough.

Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2021 21:42

Basically I'm saying that what people want from you often has nothing to do with who you are as a person.

It is dangerous to be of the mindset that people what something serious with people they deem 'good enough'. And that if theu don't want that its you then that is because you are lacking in some way.

It's more like a jigsaw. Some pieces just don't fit together (... ...and some jigsaw pieces just want their hole...)

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:42

@Yummypumpkin

He hasn't said you're not good enough.

So that thought, that voice, is coming from somewhere else.

It is your conclusion, your interpretation, your words.

And I'd encourage you to think where that comes from, and who told you you were not good enough.

To be honest, I do have low self esteem.
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2021 21:44

*if they don't want that with you

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:45

@Elieza

Ah I thought he still loved her.

That’s why he can’t date you. He’s in love with someone else. Even if the best looking, smartest, richest woman in the world dropped in his lap, if his ex walked past he’d be running after her calling her name like a shot.

So don’t take it personally. It’s not about you. It’s about her. And him wanting sex.

Disappointing I know but you deserve better than him so time to forget about him and accept he’s an ass.

It feels as he would not really even give it a chance though
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2021 21:48

Well he isn't obligated to give it a chance. Not everyone dates because they want a partner. People have different agendas.

You can see he doesn't want the same thing as you. So don't hang about hoping to make him fit. And don't change you in order to fit him. Just throw this one back and look for a better match.

Yummypumpkin · 17/12/2021 21:48

Well please take some reassurance from all the women on here telling you that this has nothing to do with your worth!

Nothing at all.

I know your feeling seem real, but they're causing you to misinterpret what has actually happened and essentially invent the idea that he compared you to his ex, thought you weren't as good, but wanted sex with you.

You need to try and accept that other people are essentially unknowable.

They have free will, and don't owe us explanations.

But inventing in your own mind a motivation that revolves around your perceived lack of something is torturing yourself!

VioletRose91 · 17/12/2021 21:50

He wants a shag, he’s been in a long term relationship and now he’s up for commitment free fun, he’s longing you off cos he can’t be bothered to get to know you he wants to get laid not into another relationship.
Block him.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:54

@EvenMoreFuriousVexation

"ill for 2 weeks" Were you aye?
what do you mean? I don't understand
OP posts:
Yummypumpkin · 17/12/2021 21:55

She means he wasn't ill for two weeks. He was lying.

WonderfulYou · 17/12/2021 21:56

There are too many red flags here already.
I know it’s difficult but you just need to put this one down to experience and wash your hands of him.

Go back onto OLD and try again.
Unfortunately you will find a few idiots before you meet someone decent.

thefourgp · 17/12/2021 21:56

It’s not about you. It’s about him.

He wants easy sex.

He doesn’t respect you or want to get to know you any better unless you’re giving him sex. This is not the guy for you.

Instead of thinking ‘why doesn’t he want a relationship with me?’ You should thinking ‘why do I want a relationship with someone who’s trying to pressure me into sex instead of getting to know me better?’

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 21:57

I agree he was most likely lying about being ill

OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 17/12/2021 21:59

I think he is gone already and you are doing too much thinking after just 2 dates.

Block and move on, no need to keep the door open for someone who is making you uncomfortable.

Namechangeforthis88 · 17/12/2021 22:02

"Were you aye?" basically means "I don't believe you". It's possible he wasn't ill, maybe seeing if he could find an easier shag.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:03

He may still want to meet for drinks on the 23rd. If he wanted the weekend away, he would meet for drinks on the 23rd I think

OP posts:
Yummypumpkin · 17/12/2021 22:04

@Marble2021

He may still want to meet for drinks on the 23rd. If he wanted the weekend away, he would meet for drinks on the 23rd I think
I give up. Off to headbutt a hard surface.