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Original poster

He wants to go on a weekend trip away after two dates

145 replies

Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 20:40

I have been on two dates with this guy. I am 24 and he is 28. We went on two dates around a month ago. Both of the dates went well. On the second date, he talked about meeting up again and going away for the weekend. I found it a little odd that he would want to go on a trip away so soon after meeting. I told him that I would rather go on a few more dates first. He said that was fine. I asked if he wanted to meet for a third date the following week. He said he would, but he was ill. He was ill for the next two weeks. Then, he messaged me saying he was feeling better. I asked if he wanted to meet up for a third date again. He said he would, but right now he is on holiday in a foreign country. I feel as if he is not really on holiday but is stringing me along as it is quite difficult to travel now due to covid restrictions. He said when he comes back from holiday, we can go on the trip away. I asked if he wanted to meet for drinks again on 23rd December when he is back from holiday, and he said he might be able to. Two days ago I messaged saying it would be good to meet for drinks on 23rd December, and since that he has not replied. I am very confused. I am not sure whether he is really interested or not. I am worried he could be stringing me along until he meets someone else. It has been a month since I last saw him. What should I do?

OP posts:
Elfonthesofa · 17/12/2021 22:05

Am I the only one thinking that he's probably married/already in a relationship and the "weekend away" was an excuse to book a hotel so he didn't need to take you back home (to the wife and kids).

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:06

@thefourgp

It’s not about you. It’s about him.

He wants easy sex.

He doesn’t respect you or want to get to know you any better unless you’re giving him sex. This is not the guy for you.

Instead of thinking ‘why doesn’t he want a relationship with me?’ You should thinking ‘why do I want a relationship with someone who’s trying to pressure me into sex instead of getting to know me better?’

I don't understand why he wanted a relationship with her but not me though. He only wanted easy sex from me. I am not saying he is obliged to be my boyfriend or anything like that.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:09

@Elfonthesofa

Am I the only one thinking that he's probably married/already in a relationship and the "weekend away" was an excuse to book a hotel so he didn't need to take you back home (to the wife and kids).
I also thought he might already be in a relationship. If I knew he was with someone, I would never bother with him again
OP posts:
Elieza · 17/12/2021 22:14

He can’t ‘give it a chance’ as he loves someone else.

The heart wants what the heart wants. He wants her.

It’s not a competition you know. It’s not a reflection of who you are and what you stand for. And proving that you’re a good catch. I’m sure you are. You fancy who you fancy. For him it’s her.

The point is that there are lots of men out there, this one isn’t the one for you, you need to take a hint and move on. The more time you spend with that guy the longer it will take for you to find a really nice, available guy. You’re wasting your time. The minute he sees her he’ll be off like a whippet out a trap.

He’s not that into you. Sorry. But there are guys out there who are nice. Keep looking. You will get a goodun in due course.

todaysdilemma · 17/12/2021 22:14

Do you want to be in a relationship with every man you meet or go on dates with? So why on Earth are you comparing yourself to the ex of a man you barely know! You can be a fantastic, beautiful person and still not his cup of tea - it's not personal, because he's a stranger. Stop feeling offended - you may as well get offended by every man on the street then who doesn't want to date you.

He's not stringing you along because you're not dating. You've had 2 dates, he's obviously not keen on progressing it but maybe he wants company to travel/shag/be casual with. There could be a billion reasons he's not interested, none of which are to do with you.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:15

@GrandmasCat

I think he is gone already and you are doing too much thinking after just 2 dates.

Block and move on, no need to keep the door open for someone who is making you uncomfortable.

I agree
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:16

@Elieza

He can’t ‘give it a chance’ as he loves someone else.

The heart wants what the heart wants. He wants her.

It’s not a competition you know. It’s not a reflection of who you are and what you stand for. And proving that you’re a good catch. I’m sure you are. You fancy who you fancy. For him it’s her.

The point is that there are lots of men out there, this one isn’t the one for you, you need to take a hint and move on. The more time you spend with that guy the longer it will take for you to find a really nice, available guy. You’re wasting your time. The minute he sees her he’ll be off like a whippet out a trap.

He’s not that into you. Sorry. But there are guys out there who are nice. Keep looking. You will get a goodun in due course.

I think you are right. If he wants he so badly, he should go and be with her not me
OP posts:
todaysdilemma · 17/12/2021 22:18

Also you have no idea if he's still in love with his ex or not. But you do know for sure, he's not interested in dating you. That should be enough for you to lose interest in him and stop over analysing two dates..

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:19

@todaysdilemma

Also you have no idea if he's still in love with his ex or not. But you do know for sure, he's not interested in dating you. That should be enough for you to lose interest in him and stop over analysing two dates..
Yes true. I can't help but wonder why though
OP posts:
Pinkbonbon · 17/12/2021 22:20

Maybe because he knows her.

Why would he want a relationship with you when you've only been on two dates? He doesn't know you and he has no Interest in getting to know you.

Also, a person you are dating should make you feel happy and secure and better about yourself. He is literally doing the opposite. Sho what's the point in him? Drop him like hot coal m'dear.

I'm assuming he is really hot or something...because otherwise I can't see why you're so invested. But beautiful faces mean nothing when they front empty vessels. Look for a good soul who actually wants to spend time with you instead.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:22

@todaysdilemma

Do you want to be in a relationship with every man you meet or go on dates with? So why on Earth are you comparing yourself to the ex of a man you barely know! You can be a fantastic, beautiful person and still not his cup of tea - it's not personal, because he's a stranger. Stop feeling offended - you may as well get offended by every man on the street then who doesn't want to date you.

He's not stringing you along because you're not dating. You've had 2 dates, he's obviously not keen on progressing it but maybe he wants company to travel/shag/be casual with. There could be a billion reasons he's not interested, none of which are to do with you.

No, I don't want a relationship with every man I go on dates with. He just seemed nice to start with which is why I hoped something would come of it. To be honest, he talked about her quite a bit without me even asking about her.
OP posts:
Elieza · 17/12/2021 22:23

He wants her but she doesn’t want him. He’s horny. So he thinks it’s ok to shag around. Possibly imagining it’s her hes shagging.

Yeah OP you’re better off away from him. You don’t want to be another notch in a bedpost. You deserve better. Glad you’re starting to see that now.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:24

@Pinkbonbon

Maybe because he knows her.

Why would he want a relationship with you when you've only been on two dates? He doesn't know you and he has no Interest in getting to know you.

Also, a person you are dating should make you feel happy and secure and better about yourself. He is literally doing the opposite. Sho what's the point in him? Drop him like hot coal m'dear.

I'm assuming he is really hot or something...because otherwise I can't see why you're so invested. But beautiful faces mean nothing when they front empty vessels. Look for a good soul who actually wants to spend time with you instead.

He seemed nice at first which is why I was keen on going on more dates with him. No guy has ever really been that interested in me to be honest. I often wonder what other girls have that keeps guys interested that I don't have.
OP posts:
torquewench · 17/12/2021 22:24

Ring him. If he really is on holiday in a foreign country you'll get the international dial tone.

todaysdilemma · 17/12/2021 22:25

But why are you even wondering? Do you wonder this about every man you meet? He just didn't feel a spark or whatever it is he needed to want to see you again.

I think you will really struggle with dating if you get so invested after just 2 dates and before sex. Is it worth you working on your self esteem for a bit before you put yourself out there? Low self esteem can be quite obvious to people you and also makes you a target for not great guys. Because they know you'll put up with their shit and other women won't. So definitely do the work to feel confident and good about yourself first.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:28

@todaysdilemma

But why are you even wondering? Do you wonder this about every man you meet? He just didn't feel a spark or whatever it is he needed to want to see you again.

I think you will really struggle with dating if you get so invested after just 2 dates and before sex. Is it worth you working on your self esteem for a bit before you put yourself out there? Low self esteem can be quite obvious to people you and also makes you a target for not great guys. Because they know you'll put up with their shit and other women won't. So definitely do the work to feel confident and good about yourself first.

I think you are right about some guys sensing a girl with low self esteem and preying on that. I think I should work on my self esteem too.
OP posts:
Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:38

@torquewench

Ring him. If he really is on holiday in a foreign country you'll get the international dial tone.
That's a good idea and I might try it, but to be honest , I am pretty sure he is lying about being on holiday
OP posts:
Iflyaway · 17/12/2021 22:40

I'm not sure why he didn't want me as his girlfriend rather than just someone to have casual sex with on a weekend away

After a couple of dates??! Why would he want you as his girlfriend when he can chance his luck on a weekend of sex. Fuck 'm and leave 'm. That's what he's trying on. Don't fall for it.

Two dates in and he wants sex. Not unusual, but a weekend away with a man you barely know? Why on earth?

Sorry, but you sound very young. You really!! need to get your boundaries in order to protect yourself from types like this.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:43

@Iflyaway

I'm not sure why he didn't want me as his girlfriend rather than just someone to have casual sex with on a weekend away

After a couple of dates??! Why would he want you as his girlfriend when he can chance his luck on a weekend of sex. Fuck 'm and leave 'm. That's what he's trying on. Don't fall for it.

Two dates in and he wants sex. Not unusual, but a weekend away with a man you barely know? Why on earth?

Sorry, but you sound very young. You really!! need to get your boundaries in order to protect yourself from types like this.

I was never planning on going on a weekend away or have sex with him so early on. I agree it is not safe at all.
OP posts:
Chocaholic9 · 17/12/2021 22:47

Sorry, but it was quite clear he was after sex by suggesting a weekend away. That is not normal behaviour on his part. I don't think many people would be up for that so quickly. You showed that you were interested in getting to know him first, and he wasn't willing to put the time in.

Chocaholic9 · 17/12/2021 22:47

It's no reflection on you or your worth. All women who date come across these types.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 22:57

@Chocaholic9

Sorry, but it was quite clear he was after sex by suggesting a weekend away. That is not normal behaviour on his part. I don't think many people would be up for that so quickly. You showed that you were interested in getting to know him first, and he wasn't willing to put the time in.
I think so too. Before the second date, he wanted me to get into his car and drive around to find somewhere to have drinks. I said no to this, so him and I just walked to a bar nearby.
OP posts:
GrandmasCat · 17/12/2021 23:01

Frankly… My exH and I spent a good time travelling abroad to visit each other when we were apart due to work commitments but the chances of either of us to take each other so seriously after 2 dates were absolutely nil. So early after meeting we didn’t even know each other, we were practically strangers!

I’m a bit shocked about how many people are saying he only wanted sex when he already told you he is away which justifies his silence, you are not close enough for regular calls during a holiday, he is busy enjoying himself, it is normal, that does not mean he is having free sex while away, people are busy doing activities and going out during holidays, that’s what holidays are for. But I am more surprised at how you are overanalysing things when you are not even together.

If someone insisted several times to confirm meeting up times when I’m in a holiday and I have already given a tentative date that I would confirm on my return, it would seriously piss me off.

Original poster
Marble2021 · 17/12/2021 23:04

@GrandmasCat

Frankly… My exH and I spent a good time travelling abroad to visit each other when we were apart due to work commitments but the chances of either of us to take each other so seriously after 2 dates were absolutely nil. So early after meeting we didn’t even know each other, we were practically strangers!

I’m a bit shocked about how many people are saying he only wanted sex when he already told you he is away which justifies his silence, you are not close enough for regular calls during a holiday, he is busy enjoying himself, it is normal, that does not mean he is having free sex while away, people are busy doing activities and going out during holidays, that’s what holidays are for. But I am more surprised at how you are overanalysing things when you are not even together.

If someone insisted several times to confirm meeting up times when I’m in a holiday and I have already given a tentative date that I would confirm on my return, it would seriously piss me off.

The only reason I suggested meeting on the 23rd was because he asked when I would be free to meet before Christmas. Then I messaging him saying the 23rd
OP posts:
torquewench · 17/12/2021 23:04

So why dont you ring him and find out for certain? You don't even need to speak to him, just withhold your number and listen to the ring tone.

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