anyones who's dp/dh left them for ow and still with them years down the line?

[pinguthepenguin]

I've a couple of threads running about various aspects of splitting up and managing children etc.
Seem I may be indulging in a spot of self-torture here....but

Have any of you been left by your ex for another woman, and they are still with said woman years later, in love, more kids, all fluffy and happy?
I know things aren't always black and white....and sometimes you just fall in love with someone else...but generally speaking, do you think these things last? My ex wasn't a womaniser at all...quite the opposite in fact.

Greeboswhiskers- its so sad for you that your dd's have made this decision. Its my worst nightmare actually- that my child would favour her father despite the shoddy way he has treated us ( I know this is childish). I've seen it happen with several friends, and its heartbreaking, when you've put in the hard work.

Frosty, to answer your question. Nothing physical happened between the ow and my exp before we split, although they indulged in (to my mind) some seriously inappropiate behaviour, while I was at homenursing our 7wk old dd. Eg- texting 20-30 times a day, flirty messages, meeting for coffee, and he discussed arguments we'd had with her. (They'd only known each other for a matter of weeks btw)
I came to know her through him. We babysat each others children once and we had lunch a few times. When I confronted her about their closeness, she brushed it off, but when we'd finally split, she told me their friendship 'didnt concern me anymore'. He admitted they were seeing each other a few weeks after we split. As far as I'm concerned, what they did was cheating, and him ending things before it got physical was by no means was indicative of him respecting me or our relationship. He bailed out when our lives changed and became difficult. He did so by turning his attentions to a woman who already has a child. That kills tbh.

for pingu.

When you explain it like that then it is totally out of order and no wonder you are so hurt.

The ow sounds like a complete bitch. She should of sent your dh home to you and your baby to sort things out and no be his "shoulder to cry on" And as for having the face to actually meet you and be friendly - well I'm for you.

Were they colleagues? If not how did they meet ? and how long had they known each other?

pingu i found out my xp was putting credit on everyweek behind my back and i hadn`t had a clue, when i found out there was loads of messages off her on there, most had been deleted which he told me!

I find it hard how he was living still under our roof while he was texting and what ever else he was doing with her!

I look at myself sometimes and think, what have i ever done that is so bad that i deserve this?

I never wanted anything more, all i wanted was a happy family a roof over my head and a holiday with my loved ones, is this really to much to ask.

I always knew he was the one from the very first time i saw him, and i never wanted anyone else.

I think i have done alot at my young age, but we did everything together, and we made decisions together.

We was a very happy couple and we got on with both sides of the family etc i just can`t understand it

Maybe one day i will, who knows

I'd say in total, they'd know each other 2 months by the time he'd walked, certainly no longer than that. (actually we had to do the 'walking', but thats another story).

She was a client of his, so they met through his work.

She was unconcerned when I confronted her.

Me: you know he is interested in you and its awful for me to realise that. Why hang around to make it worse?

Her: So what if he's interested in me? You need to be having this out with him, not me@

Lovely woman

Pingu - it was cheating. You can be unfaithful to someone long before even the first kiss. If the intent & the intimacy is there it is cheating.

Thanks for your kind comments guys. It's so hard sometimes - I don't care about me & him splitting up now 'cos I've got to a place where I can see that they actually did me a favour but sometimes one of the dds will call me by her name without thinking & I can feel myself clench up a little. I try not to show it tho' 'cos they're always horrified & apologise straight away so I just laugh & make like it doesn't matter.

I did kind of get my own back on him tho' - I got off with one of his friends about 18 months after I left him & he found out - I've never seen him so mad

Moap

He did all that, taking his phone into the shower melarkey, never letting it out of his sight. twats

lol at greebos. I like it.

greebo what a good idea, mind you my xp did ask me today if i had seen anything of one of our oldest friends (male) and i said no, and then he went on to say that i had always had a soft spot for him cheeky git!

I was just a good friend and that is all!!

pingu how are you today?

It seems that all the men seem to meet their OW at work! I don't know how thery have the time. I work 4 days a week and dash into work having got the kids sorted in the morning, dash around all day, dash home to get the kids and then dash around at night doing dinner and housework. It would be great to have a moment to fall in love/ have a quick grope over the photocopier but I don't have the energy!! Isn't it funny that the men in our lives do!!! Perhaps we have got it all wrong and they should stay at hoem and run the house and kids to avoid the temptation!

I was thinking the same thing layla17, i think its because they spend so much time with these OW while at work they just fall for one another as they aint at home as much iyswim?

they then say i`m unhappy at home etc... even though there not here most the time due to work they just like all this attention off these OW and then they think its love etc...

had an affair with my best friend - long time best friend throughout our short marriage - they are still together 14 years later - at least 2 children - think there is more. Saw them earlier this year and oh my god had life beaten the stuffing out of them. They looked terrible - haggard and miserable - totally beaten down my life. he was so full of himself and very body conscious - he could have given buddha a run for his money and she again another one very appearance conscious looking like some downtrodden grey faced old mare - same age as me - looked about 10 years older.

That karma can be a bastard.

me - three gorgeous dds and a wonderful dh.

eidsvold

eidsvold i`m so glad it worked out for you in the end, i hope pingu and me also get our happys endings

she was even my matron of honour at our wedding - taky tacky tacky. Anyway - are they happy - don't look it and don't seem it.

Do I care - not one iota. had I not seen them earlier this year - would not have sought them out.

when it happened felt terrible betrayal - she was married also and it seemed everyone - including her ex dh blamed me for it all - I was a mess - could not understand how it was my fault he beat her and my ex and her had an affair - nothing so strange as folks.

Life is so much better with all of the toxicity out of my life.

mind you thinking about it, when i saw xp yesterday he was all pale and he has lost a bit of weight aswell (he wasn`t fat to start with )

He looked like death warmed up and its only been just over 4 weeks now

mummy - i think it was easier as there were no children involved - so when they ran away - literally like naughty little children [sad people] it was easy to put it aside until they started their harrassment along with his mum.

But one day I just decided - too much energy being expended on them instead of my life and me so made a conscious effort to rid my mind of them as well as my life much easier when there are no children involved.

Thats the thing isnt it the idiot will always be part of my life, and theres nothing i can do about it, im just going to try not to think about him even though its sooo hard.

When i see him it is like he hasn`t left but i have to put on the brave face for my DDs sake really

my ex seems to have put on loads of weight since he left 2 yrs ago OR my rose-tinted specs have fallen off

I on the other hand look much better - to how I did pre children....

to those who are in the early stages, you will have up & down days but it does get easier....wont say the pain doesnt go but maybe its cos u have children - I think the only pain or regret I still feel is when my children go away at the weekend to his or on the rare occasion DS says he wishes daddy would come home.

i have a great new partner who has had to put up with my mood swings & stress of my divorce but he is a rock....and a far more attentive partner than my ex ever was & far more interested in my children than ex ever was

I definitely have a happier life without ex and not sure he does....serves him right

I know that it is going off the suject a bit (sorry pingu) but how easy is it to find a new dp when you have young children? I wory that if I do split up with mine that he will go off with OW and I will be on my own (with the children of course) forever and that sacres me but I never seem to meet anyone who is not in a relationship and having children - I suppose that is just my age (33)!

layla17 i am glad you said that really as i thought to myself many times who in the right mind would take me and my DCs on as im only 21. Im sure there is men out there willing to but how do we find them lol

Layla17 please don`t worry about you dh running into her arms if you leave as this will happen but i think i am a much better and stronger person since my xp left 4 weeks ago.

I hate to say this aswell but i am less snappy with DD aswell! and that is saying something really isn`t it!

I am doing ok so far, and i`m sure i will meet someone in the future, it wont happen over night but i am happy (i do have my teary moments still)

33 is still very young and it is possible to find a new partner, i know this as my dad met his now wife on a night out, she had a little girl and he had 3 children (they was both single may i point out lol) and they got together and 5 years later they got married and it was the happiest day of my life(and theres), we are all so close.

Hope this helps layla17

I can answer this.

I was 35 with a 17 mth & 3.5 yr old

2 yrs on I have found a new DP who is fantastic AND has custody of his own DD (10) although that brings its own interesting twist

I found him when I wasnt even looking & maybe wasnt ready BUT he has helped me tremendously & restored my faith in men

its too soon for you girls so I would say you need to grieve for the future you had & when u r ready, a new & maybe better future is waiting for you!

look under these 2 threads to see how things were for me & I can assure u things are better than I ever imagined then
I had so much support from MN and thats why Im still here

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/117400?ts=1198179840121
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/7/121408? ts=1198179840121

Layla17 and MOAP - you will both meet someone else. These days it doesn't put men off like it used to.
I was 35 with a 5 and a 2 year old when I met dp. He was a neighbour, and a friend of a friend. I thought I'd never meet anyone, and tbh I didn't want to as I was quite happy on my own but he just showed up in the right place at the right time and I went for it.
We have our ups and downs but I'm so glad I met him.