anyones who's dp/dh left them for ow and still with them years down the line?

[pinguthepenguin]

I've a couple of threads running about various aspects of splitting up and managing children etc.
Seem I may be indulging in a spot of self-torture here....but

Have any of you been left by your ex for another woman, and they are still with said woman years later, in love, more kids, all fluffy and happy?
I know things aren't always black and white....and sometimes you just fall in love with someone else...but generally speaking, do you think these things last? My ex wasn't a womaniser at all...quite the opposite in fact.

well my xp doesnt like me bad mouthing his NEW gf, all i say is stuff like "her" as i dont call her by her name!

Why does he even think he can come round bleating to you about her? Its obscene

I have said i don`t want to know, i think its because he has no one else to talk to as no one he knows knows really what he has done, the old friends he had are also my friends!

People at work are getting lied to by both of them and his parents refuse to hear anything about them two, as his mom and dad get on so well with me and always have!

All the family like me and are shocked by what he has done!

I think he thinks i want to know, but then he demands to know who is calling and who has texted me

He doesn`t want me so no one else can is that it>?

you do need to look forward from now on for you and dc. you have eavh other and you will have a amazing bond.

but him! just wanker nothing wrong? how can he change his mind so quick from very happy to nothing wrong with leaving ???

anyway i am off to bed now. shall watch your threads take care both of you!

We weren't married, but had been living together for 3 years.
While we were splitting up, once he got to the stage where he actually said he was sorry (rather than all the defensive self-justification shit that came before), he said "I just got scared", I suppose he wasn't ready to be a part of a family. His own father was totally lame, so he maybe doubted his own ability to be a good dad. He's also basically childish and selfish; even after all the crap he put me through, he was all "poor me" not that anyone bought it, apart from OW of course

Re their wedding, I just tried to nod and smile lots when DD kept goign on about it(I didn't attend myself ). It also helps that I'm now happily married to a wonderful man who is 10 times the man ex is

oh goody sazisi- that makes me feel better that you found happiness.

Do you know what? Its like deja vu reading your post. We were also together 3 years, lived together, and he is also defensive, poor me, and actually quite awful to me, despite what he's done.

Does the other woman have chidren? heres hoping they dont have any together then, if thats how he reaceted, eh?
The ow already has a child, and it hurts alot, but as someone else on here it...it maybe that it easier being kind to someone elses child...who knows?

He hasn't said sorry btw- nor is he likely to at this rate. So why do you think it has gone lasted this long for him?

my last post is full of typos, sorry. Hope its readable!

MOAP- you are quite right that your ex clearly thinks he still 'owns' you to a point. Be sure that he believes he could have you back at the drop of a hat- thats why he is so cocky, rubbing your face in this shit. Also- he sees you as his 'safety net', so wants to make sure no one else is sniffing around. Sorry if that sounds harsh,, but he really is a shit. I would ban all talk of her in your home.

I think your right pingu!

As you said your xp hasnt said sorry, nor has mine and i dont think he ever will

He has said in my DDs birthday card hes sorry for what hes done

Never will them words leave his mouth to me

Saying sorry in your dd's card? That was most definitely for your benefit rather than your DD's- she's too young to understand it, surely?
Yes, that was for you- not that he willl admit it.

I just looked at it and didnt say a thing, no she wouldnt have understood it shes 3.

These men can`t say sorry as i think they believe what they did was right (for them not us )

I hope they look back in years to come and see how they treated us like shit and we are still standing strong.

I think we are to good for them

regards original question.

I know of FOUR instances where the man left his wife and children to be with the OW and is happily married several years down the line.

In all cases all the players are decent likeable people.

some people will always land on their feet, eh darlink?

DH best friend was a serial womaniser when with his wife, he was found out shagging his wife's sil (wife's, brothers wife ifyswim) He was kicked out and set up home with his ow, and they are still living together 14 yrs later .... but, ow does every thing you can possible imagine (3 somes, ecstasy, women, bondage and much more) to keep him, while he still loves his ex wife. If you had asked me 10 yrs ago I would of said its sad, but now its just ... boring.

Some people men and women just have what seems like a mid-life crisis (though some have it well before what I consider mid life!)
Some behaviours are really odd.
I work with a woman who was the OW and stole her best friends man leaving her with 2 children one of which shes was still bf He is in his early 40's and quite frankly old enough to know better. They had only being seeing each other a couple of months and they were openingly trying for a baby he's not even divorced yet.
Anyway she fell pg really quickly and by the time the baby is born they will of only been together about a year and they think this is all a good idea. In the mean time his ex has obviously got very and so he doesn't have to see her he doesn't see his children
I found out a couple of weeks ago that initially whilst all of this was first going on he also tried to get off with his best friends wife when he walked her home from a party - she has kept this secret as she didn't want to cause upset
Sometimes life is stranger than soap operas
I think some people are just mad and lead very strange lives - makes me wonder at the end of it all what they actually will wish they did different ifywim.
Everybody has the right to be happy but there are ways of doing things and you don't need to trample on everybody else to get there.

I was the OW and my exp left her for me - not proud of it. We didn't last because surprise, surprise he then did the same thing to me! He was a useless git! After we split the exw and I became really good friends - something in common I guess! I got to apologise to her but think she was glad I spared her from more years of his shit (he confessed to her that he'd had 7 affairs while married to her!!!). I was also a good stepmum to her dds.

It didn't last with the woman he was seeing when we split though.

I am now married to a man who is a thousand times the man exp was and I have learnt some very valuable lessons from it all. My dh's exw is still with the bloke she left him for - 4 years later and they are apparently happy but my step dds don't like him much and he isn't a patch on my dh as a person so not sure how it will pan out long term. They caused so much heartache to 5 children and extended family and lots of people still don't speak to them etc that not sure they can ever be truly happy.

Surely not everyone will be happy in their marriage, and people are entitled to make a mistake without having to live with it for the rest of their lives.

DW and I have been lucky enough to be happy, through our ups and downs, for almost 10 years now. My siblings have not been as lucky, and would both be thoroughly miserable if they had remained with the people they first married.

As has been pointed out on here before, some of you will have started your married lives as "the other woman..."

But surely there are ways of doing things. When I met my dh he was coming out of a relationship but it was not quite over. He did not make a move on me until it was completely ended and his ex knew it was over. I could never of knowingly been the ow partly because as a woman I feel a duty not to hurt another woman in this way and perhaps more importantly it would feel like he was cheating on me going home to her.
To be fair (or perhaps unfair) I fell for my dh in a big way he knew if he was free I'd be there for him because I had let his friends know but he also new if he wasn't then I didn't want to know.
It's not wrong to end any relationship thats not right and it's not wrong to start an new relationship no matter what your history is but the deception that goes with the tangled web of affairs is wrong and in my opinion can't be justified. Although I do know that both man and wife can emotionally be torn apart by the pain caused so it's not just the wronged partner that suffers iykwim.

I wouldnt mind but we was HAPPY he does say different, but what i think happend miss 17 made it clear she wanted him (for fun or maybe more) so he though oh im in here ill test the water and he liked it.

He should have said to me what was on his mind and to see if we could sort it out, we had no problems i our relationship and i can put my hand on my heart and say that.

I think it was the temptation thing, and i read messages off her saying she was jealous etc hence why she wanted me to find out lol

Well good luck to them, he`s missing out on a family but thats his problem!

My ex h left me for an OW.. We were together for 7 years (married for 3) and I had no idea what had been going on until she turned up on my doorstep 8 months pregnant

This was 11 years ago and to my knowledge, they are still together (had a dd but didn't have anymore)

It does get easier and I can hand on heart say that it doesn't bother me in slightest now that he is still with her and hasn't done for years. I was devastated for about 6 months and it still bothered me for about a year after that but then he really did just fade into insignificance BUT, I had no children with him so I was able to walk away and have nothing further to do with him

But he couldn't of been totally happy. Perhaps he's imature and felt tied with the responsibility of family life and she was an opportunity to get out. When we had our lo my dh went really odd for a year and struggled with the changes - luckily we survived but had there been a little miss 17 on the sidelines who knows
At the end of the day it was your dh's responsibility to stay faithful to you - I'm really sorry he has hurt you and left you. i'd be more with him than this ow iykwim.

i`m not angry with her i am angry with him for not putting out DD first, he puts her first 100%

Well he has said in the past that we started our family when we was young (erm i think i was the young one i was 18 when i had DD, and she wasnt planned but loved all the same) He was a really good dad and he was over the moon when i fell pregnant and couldnt wait to tell everyone.

All our friends can`t understand why he has done what he has done and non of them had a clue!

Well im going to just sit back and take no notice of what he is doing now, hes made his choice and im going to move on in time, yes i still love him NO i dont want him back

I know two couples who are sort of this situation but I know the men not the women.

I think both men would have to admit that they ended up with exactly what they would have had with their first marriage had they stuck at it i.e. the realisation that the first couple of years magic is an unrealistic longterm goal. I'm not saying that they're not happy with their marriages second time round, just that they wake up in the morning feeling pretty much as they did with their first wives after years of being together.

The realtionship was over before we got together, actually over, split up type over, living in separate houses over. How nice of you to assume I was the catalyst mummyofaprincess and macadoodle. I think thats a pretty good sign they weren't happy together. She just views me as the other woman and always will due to the gap between them splitting and us getting together not being 10 years apart.

eternalsstudent i`m sorry i got it wrong