I wanted to pick up on something you said earier about society making it too easy to just walk away and not supporting the marriage. I think this a big failing of our society it is just so accepted with step parents half siblings everywhere.
It was easier (and almost as cheap) to get a solicitor than a counsellor when me and h had our problems - i got to see a solicitor within days but it was weeks to see a counsellor.
Too many peole think it is 'best' to split than stay and try and work things out.
To the person that said it is best for the children and they cope - i too think it is an easy cop-out and gives justification for people to just leave.
My h did not leave toatally and we are working things through now. The ow left her children for my h and now has nothing.
I do blame the ow because they already know about the wife, they already know he is capable of telling lies and they also know how to manipulate the whole situation. Men are so taken when shown some affection and attention and mistake this for the real thing.
Real woman/men do not need to 'steal' others partners - and it is only becuase they are afraid they would 'lose' if the stakes were even.
If these people really cared about each other they would try and help the marriage not just their own selfish needs.
Marriage is a sacrifice and it usually means the woman giving up so more as we do that with our children.
I consider my h affair as a massive mistake on his part but he was always a fantastic father and i am willing to give him a chance to make that up to us all now.
Hope this sort of answers you post and sorry for the rant.