Leaving marriage but now frozen and scared

[Scaffoldtothesky]

Hello, I've had a few threads going so sorry for repeating myself. I'm finally in the actual process of leaving my marriage after 10 long years of ups and downs (I take responsibility for my bad communication and prone to criticism and tempers). All the love and friendship has gone. I've been ignored, not heard or seen, for about a year. The difference being in the last 6 months or so, I've given up trying to talk and beg for small talk, affection, nevermind physical or emotional closeness, and it's been the silent treatment since then. Any conversation now is spiked with anger and resentment. He's usually passive aggressive but today he shouted at me when I asked why DS was throwing a tantrum over a toy. Once again blaming me for his bad parenting ("well you said not to pander to him").

I'm at the final hurdle. I've got the keys to my new place and intended to move out with DS. I've been running around like a headless chicken the last week trying to get the place nice and ready. I've spent money I can't really afford on new furniture and decorating. And now I'm shitting myself and do not know how to move on and move out. I feel so anxious I could just run away from it all.

I just need a handhold, or a good shake to come to my senses. I have no idea what I'm doing

How are you doing @Scaffoldtothesky? I hope you are doing something nice for yourself x

Hi everyone, phew the last week has been so full on.

Ex is still texting me several times a day asking about DS. He's also taken to emailing me his proposed contact schedule and is chasing me for a response. I am literally exhausted from a week of moving, unpacking, working and looking after DS as well as the emotional fall out of everything. And he is chasing me for an answer to his contact proposal. I've muted him on WhatsApp. I will respond in my own time. I asked him for months on end for this discussion and got ignored and now he's asking me to jump to his beat. I am going to respond in my own time, as much as I want DS to continue to see him, I'm actually feeling harassed. Am I wrong to feel this?

@Wildnfree50 sounds like we have had similar experience. I do feel sorry for the situation and for DS rather than Ex. You're right though I cannot get my head around being abused in such an insidious and silent way.

@Scaffoldtothesky of course you're not wrong to feel that way. It's textbook abuser - he can ignore you/treat you however he wants, but as soon as he wants something, he expects you to suddenly stand to attention. Well done muting him. Take your time, moving and leaving a relationship are two of the most stressful life events. You are doing amazingly well!!

@MizzFizz thank you, you make a good point about ending a relationship and moving. I haven't even realised that's what I'm doing. He really is being persistent and feel like he is gearing up to get nasty or does just genuinely believe I should respond to him as obviously he's done nothing wrong as usual and is being subjected to bad treatment by me daring to be unhappy and actually acting on it.

Just wanted to send you a handhold @Scaffoldtothesky.

You have done amazingly well and I hope you are beginning to feel a little calmer now you are in a safe space (YOUR safe space!) with DS. Well done for coming out in the open with your family about how your Ex (STBX) has been mistreating you - and starting on DS.

I am sure you will question whether you have done/are doing the right thing. You ABSOLUTELY have!! Remember that please.

When you've had time to draw breath next thing is to get legal advice from a family law solicitor. If you know anyone you trust to give you a recommendation then great but you can always try The Law Society website:

solicitors.lawsociety.org.uk/?Pro=False

If you feel yourself having doubts and consider moving back please, please re-read your thread to remind yourself why you made the decision to get out of an abusive relationship.

Good luck for a better future for you and DS. 🌹

OP - How are you doing?