Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@InABetterPlaceNow
Ohh love a bit of spam…

Let’s just have a recap on what the Romans have ever done for us

[/quote] 😂🤣😂 Indeed. What have they ever done?!

Leave him to wonder @SpringlikeBunk! Don’t put those cards on the table 🙂

@Shayelle2009

Lol I know at least you’re active and coming to London - I bet there’s loads of creepy lurkers too (waves)

Yes @Shayelle2009 I think if he ends up leaving the country and staying away for a while it’s unrealistic to promise monogamy, but equally I think “zoom dates” and keeping the connection up would be fine.

Look at me being all emotionally mature!

TMI alert. Tomorrow I have to go to the doctor to get something inspected in the butt area.

Apparently Mr Tux and I are in a place where I can discuss this. With no makeup on. It seemed relevant as he's now claimed that general area? 🤷‍♀️

I'm catching feelings. Did not disclose. He said he thinks I'm on the feeling line or just over it. I did not confirm or deny. He says he's definitely on the line and leaning in.

Ahh, could go horribly wrong for a number reasons but I do like him!! 😅😂

Shit yeah I know @SpringlikeBunk, I always think there myst be thousands 🤣🤣 but fuck ut, hopefully it makes for a bit of a read at bedtime 🤣🤣
I always feel like this is just a bit if a journal or diary… but one that answers back!! Funny 🙂 you feeling all better now though? You sound back to full health, always makes us feel brighter doesn't it.

I think it’s one of these ones @SpringlikeBunk where at the minute absolutely none of us can predict what is gonna happen here. But why would he always keep in touch if he’s planning to f off to another country. Seems odd. Surely he’d just disappear. But he totally hasn't has he?!?

Yours is 100% not going anywhere @InABetterPlaceNow 😁

@InABetterPlaceNow
Let’s all have a sing-a-long…

I’m a Lumberjack and I’m okay….

One of these days maybe Ill meet someone and be all stressing and you’ll all having to be helping me, as 10000% ill need help 🤣🤣

Yes I think as academia is so international @Shayelle2009 it’s quite common for people to maintain fairly long distance international friendships/dates.

I hardly get to keep people I like in my life and I’m not getting younger, so even if it’s not going to blossom into the perfect romance with MrHedgehog I’m not going to give up on him 👍🏽🤞🙋🏽‍♀️💪🏽

Like you say reading through my past posts he’s consistently made me happy so I’ll not waste the connection.

@Shayelle2009

Yours is 100% not going anywhere *@InABetterPlaceNow* 😁

Yup, I'm 95% sure we are stuck with each other for a while at this point 🤣😂 (and for me to say that, it's a big thing). Despite doing things topsy turvy - and I'm usually the most guarded person in the world. We just seem to have "got" each other. We have our own language at this point 😅

Still. I'll be fine if it ends (but I'd miss him).

GOOD @SpringlikeBunk glad youre holding on!! 🥰🥰

Good luck at the docs @InABetterPlaceNow hope its nothing too bad!

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@InABetterPlaceNow
Let’s all have a sing-a-long…

I’m a Lumberjack and I’m okay….

[/quote] Very on point with the festive season and all those Xmas trees!

I have nothing to come back to you on it... so will leave it in the hand of the masters...

@Shayelle2009

Good luck at the docs *@InABetterPlaceNow* hope its nothing too bad!

It's fine. Very common problem (likely from having kids) that I ignored as no one was looking down there and wasn't causing me too many issues 🙈 But kind of need it sorted now!! 😁😅

@FabulousMrFifty Don't know why it attaches the same video!

This is the one I intended ...

Message from MrTescos which I'm not going to dignify with a reply (on reflection, his last messages were very complimentary about my looks and dress sense and hinting at the "fun" he was expecting to have. So replying to a 10pm message - no thanks).

I think maybe my tactics of meeting guys on bumble just for "coffee and a chat" need to be revised a bit - It's just so sex-loaded now that there's always that expectation hanging about?

@SpringlikeBunk

Message from MrTescos which I'm not going to dignify with a reply (on reflection, his last messages were very complimentary about my looks and dress sense and hinting at the "fun" he was expecting to have. So replying to a 10pm message - no thanks).

I think maybe my tactics of meeting guys on bumble just for "coffee and a chat" need to be revised a bit - It's just so sex-loaded now that there's always that expectation hanging about?

Urgh. Am I right in remembering this one was a bit younger? If so, that's why I swiped on all of those. Maybe unfair, maybe not 🤷‍♀️

I'm angry for you now you didn't get your comfort food that night!!

@SpringlikeBunk And no.. the coffee and chat is fine. I stuck to those (for too long) with Mr Tux. Just quickly surfaces the dodgy ones!

@Shayelle2009

Oh my GOD *@SpringlikeBunk* imagine if you and he actually has Christmas together!!! Ooooh bloody hell I feel a bit like Cilla Black right now!! Kind of all bird like, and excitable!

And by the way I don't think there is anything pitying about a loved one, relative or not, asking another loved one to spend Christmas with them. There was a rather stinging comment yesterday from someone about not wanting to spend with ‘their horrible family’, nothing could be further from the truth and in fact most of my friends’s families are more like family than my own, but when you’ve had an abusive and painful childhood Christmases can sometimes be a bit tough, sorry if anyone can’t get that, hence the difficulty in explaining it. Don’t think everyone doesn’t want ‘joy and light’ - you do the very best you can, and that’s all you can do.

💛💛💛

@InABetterPlaceNow

TBF I think in his defence I'm still on my journey with dating and going through an emotional transitional phase - I was probably Ok with things being quite hot and heavy and flirty even six months ago but I think I want something a bit more emotional and desexed now.

Like I'm 99% sure if I just was clear with MrTescos that I wanted to meet in X context rather than Y he'd agree, I'm just not bothered to do it right now.

I do think decent connections can arise after early intimacy, so I'm not 100% against it, it's just that air of "entitlement" that is starting to piss me off.

Someone on another dating thread said they thought there were two "streams" or "pools" of people in current dating.

One is fairly comfortable with/expects physical intimacy early on and the other is more slow paced?

Neither is better or worse and I've been part of the early ones before, but I'm looking to "switch pools" at this stage of my life.

Like I did have a coffee with geeky colleagues early this week and a couple of years ago I'd have thought "this is boring" but actually enjoyed it this time round.

Maybe I'll be in the "hot and heavy" pool again at some point!

(this sounds awful but if I am feeling really keen on some physical action and MrHedgehog is away for two months, this guy is confirmed attractive and available so I might "actually take him up on his offer"?!)

But then we might end up with a MrMilitary situation in which we have a "younger man getting a bit cunt-happy and thinking he's in love". Plus MrTescos lives within walking distance so it's not even like MrMilitary being away all the time.

Coffee with the geeks and no physical contact it is!

That makes sense!! I agree on the two pools. But also on the fact that one doesn't discount the other. I lucked out with Mr Tux (though really, it wasn't a luck out - I filtered through many, many people first before joining this thread) in that he was patient as due to my issues I had no choice but be in the second pool.

Now I've got past that hurdle, if things don't work out - can't say I won't dive into the first one for a bit!!

Though also, Mr Tux did push things a bit at first. I put up strong boundaries and he followed my lead (bless him). I only bothered to do that because there's a ton of other stuff I'm interested in (and keep finding out about him) that makes it worth me taking that risk. Usually I'd just have noped out.

Currently (though I've never believed it before) I subscribe to the F* Yes principal. Apparently it is a thing 🤷‍♀️

Don't hate me when it crashes and burns though!!