Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@SuspiciousSushi I can understand someone might be living with their ex for financial reasons but it would put me off! Hang out a lot round my current iron’s place and would kill the mood if we were snogging on the sofa and his ex walked in! But you could hang out round yours instead?

Just had a big thread catch up! Didn't see that coming @Isitreallyme177 but I'm confused, was it just a heart to heart or did something happen?! @Naimee87 the more you write about magnet man the more I like the sound of him, it's a shame he did a disappearing act back then but it sounds as though you have a good understanding of each other and it's working for now.
and for those struggling this weekend, especially @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards it's rough when they're trying to work out what's wrong, took a few months for them to work it out with me but it's worth it to get answers.
Hello 👋 to everyone!

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, sending you a virtual hug. Life sounds very challenging for you at the moment. Hopefully you are feeling a little better today 🤞🏼💕
@Isitreallyme177, was there a kiss with Mr Cricket ? I hope this isn’t messing with your head too much. Why do you feel like you are the one who might have done something wrong when he goes quiet with you? This is said with no judgment but from me having made stupid mistakes in the past, but don’t let this consume your thoughts and actions. He is in a relationship and if there is something between you and him then that needs to be sorted before you progress things. He has a gf, I’m sure none of us would like to think someone we’re dating was close to/ pursuing other people. This may obviously be different if they are not officially exclusive but I know I’ve been hurt in the past by allowing my feelings to develop for someone I shouldn’t have been seeing as more than a friend.

@unhappyteacher

Welcome, is it apps or OD you're using to meet people? What are your profile and photos like? I'm just wondering if there is something basic and superficial that could be initially tweaked so you get more connections.

(please don't feel bad about not getting dates, much better to have things quite sporadic than meet nutters!)

@Heartbeats0708 not just a heart to heart no 🙈.

@Onesmallstep67 a little bit more than a kiss 😬. I'm okay today, my best friend gave me a talking to and told me to stop over thinking although she said she'll be angry with him if he fucks it up now. It is what it is, as I said to him last night we are both adults (my best friend said the same). The worrying that I've done something is just me being me and needing to get over past issues. He has in fact just messaged which kind of answers my question of whether to message him or not.

The bike was ridden, and so was the rider…, excellent weekend so far..

@FabulousMrFifty sounds like a good weekend was had by all 🙈.

@Isitreallyme177 there was one really odd thing, but I think that might be TMI

@FabulousMrFifty well as long you had a good time.

Thank you @Isitreallyme177**@SpringlikeBunk and @Stayingstrongish for your viewpoints, I really appreciate them.

I think you've hit the nail on the head @SpringlikeBunk - even if 10 people commented and unanimously told me I was overreacting and living with an ex was nothing for me to worry about, the fact is that is does bother me and maybe I should listen to those feelings.

As a worst case scenario - they're still together, I'm being taken for a mug, and I'm inadvertently becoming the 'other woman' . At best - he's telling the truth, they have indeed split up, but I'm twisting myself up into a ball of anxiety because I'm not comfortable with the situation. Neither are brilliant, are they?!

It's just annoying as he's the first guy I've actually been excited about for a long while. There's always something!

I think my best bet is to keep in touch, keep on each others radar, but maybe scale back the meets/contact until his situation changes (which he's assured me will be very early next year). Watch this space!

Also, it must be the time of year with Christmas approaching, but I've got previous irons/fwbs crawling out of the woodwork on a seemingly daily basis so maybe a couple of 'meetings' there could help bring me down to earth...

@SuspiciousSushi

If it's changing early next year and "it has wings" just meeting for drinks/out dates sounds good - if he is respectful and likes you as well, then he'll be cool dating and chilling without having instant access to your (or his) sofa and bedroom!

Give him time to sort himself out, but equally you don't need to "do the compromising and hosting at yours" until you're comfortable

Realistically how many meets are you going to get in anyway this year with Xmas social commitments?

@SpringlikeBunk You're good at this - I wish I had a friend like you! All my friends coupled up in their early 20s and dating was just different then. Me being in my mid-30s and trying to navigate this on my own is a challenge at times.

You're absolutely right. I've no free weekends until the New Year, work full time during the week, a couple of midweek xmas celebrations with friends planned, and I'm going home for a few days at Christmas, so realistically we're going to be limited to a quick drink after work once maybe twice in that time. We've not slept together yet and he seems happy to keep it to 'just dates' at this point which is good for me

I need to breathe, relax, and mentally back off a bit. If nothing's changed in the next few months then I'll have to say goodbye for my own mental wellbeing, but until then I think I'll just have to play it by ear.

A huge thank you to @Onesmallstep67 and everybody else who's took their time to message me. I really do appreciate it ❤️

I feel a lot better today. I've only recently just been prescribed the new tablets and I haven't managed to get them from the pharmacy yet. My mum normally does it. I'll ask her to go and see if they are there tomorrow and I'll ring the counselling line I've been given.

@Shayelle2009 I'm sorry to hear it's happened to you as well. I think it's hard when it happens in a social setting but you just have to give in to it and let it out sometimes. 😘😘

Looking forward to meeting some of you in February. I want you all to see I'm not like this all the time! ❤️

Ah Mr Cricket just messaged to say he's arrived at his brother's. Kind of nice of him to let me know.

@Isitreallyme177 is he in a relationship or isn’t he? Is snogging other people (you) something he feels is appropriate when seeing someone (her)? Is he FWB with both of you? Does he just love being the centre of drama? Just some questions to ask him… And ask yourself: is he good enough for you?

Hello @unhappyteacher & @SuspiciousSushi and welcome to the list.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards nice to hear that today has been a better day

Thank you @StartingAgain6369. 🙂

Luckily, my book club are really nice people and all were lovely and supportive ❤️

Hi everyone I haven't been on the thread for a little while but just popping in for some advice.

I started chatting to a guy online, we didn't chat alot as he said he was away with work last week and was very busy, but he said he would like to meet when he gets back. We messaged yesterday morning and he asked when am i free to meet, I said how about tomorrow (as in today), he said sounds good. I asked where he wants to meet and he didn't reply (but I knew he was going out to play football).

I didn't hear from him all day yesterday so sent a message late last night asking does he still want to meet today. He only just replied today at 6pm saying sorry I have been out all day and forgot my phone.

I was looking forward to meeting him and thought I might actually like him but now I think that's abit rude. Also the message was only delivered to his phone at 6pm today so did he have his phone off from like 11pm last night until 6pm today

I'm not sure how to reply

@jugglingjobs yep I think that was rude too, to leave you hanging. You might have turned down plans because you were waiting to hear from him.

I’ve had similar before with an iron when he didn’t respond and then later said he was too ill to send a message, which I realised after a few other things he said was probably total bullshit. Be wary.

@jugglingjobs I wouldn’t reply, if he wants a date let him chase you and come up with a definite time and place (if you want to give him a second chance that is!)

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
Good luck with your new tablets 👍🏼

@Stayingstrongish it's annoying as he is the only guy I have seen online that I think could be my type, but now there is a part of me wondering if maybe he isn't single.

Him being busy with work last week I thought yes sounds normal I get it, but him agreeing to meet today even though we did not make firm arrangements and then the message not being delivered I'm wondering if maybe he is not single and the number he is messaging me from could be a second number

But I don't want to bin him off completely as like I say he is the only guy I have seen online that I think oh he looks like my type

@jugglingjobs
I think @Stayingstrongish is spot on. I'm male and forgetful but never when it's regarding having a working phone with

If you are going to try again let him be proactive

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
Good luck with your new tablets 👍🏼[/quote]
Thanks @FabulousMrFifty 👍🏻🙂❤️

@jugglingjobs yes, let him chase you ❤️