Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Isitreallyme177 shock twist! Hope you're alright this morning. You must be in full on Zombie-Mode with a 'sex-high' thrown in! Like my post-magnet-man escape day!

@Naimee87 definitely full zombie mode, and I'm okay this morning, feel like I've been drinking when I didn't touch a drop yesterday. Going to drag myself out in a bit and go for a walk. Think the gym is completely off today as I'm collecting my tree this afternoon.

Im also not in gym mode must be something in the air! Not that I have had any excitement haha! Well only shopping yesterday which I LOVE!! V chuffed with me purchases 😆🥰🥰

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I'm so sorry to hear how you are feeling, I can understand where you are coming from and sometimes it just feels relentless and exhausting.

@BelladiMamma glad date zero went well!

I need to find time to run today but also agreed to help out my friend and the f1 is on... so it might get pushed to tomorrow. The bonus to this work from home order is I can actually be consistent with workouts.

@Shayelle2009 did you buy anything nice? I'm sat in the kitchen too lazy to even open my can of coke!

@Isitreallyme177 I got jeans, a sweater, some lippy… then a new pair of suede winter boots too 😆 total splurge and I LOVED it 🥰🥰

Nice photo… After all the talk of vehicle sex did your bike see some action @FabulousMrFifty? 😉

@Shayelle2009 sounds like the perfect shopping trip, now you are all set for cute winter outfits!

Sounds like a nice shopping trip @Shayelle2009 I need to go out today and get my sister a card and present from the Brownies to give to her tomorrow.

Is it ok to join in the dating thread conversation if you're trying to date but not actually dating because you have zero luck? Asking for a friend...

I am friend
Friend is me 😩

Haha yes @unhappyteacher im your prime example!! Welcome! 🙂

I'm the second example. Last night was just an anomaly!

Welcome @unhappyteacher

Hi everyone else and especially @Isitreallyme177 ... I hope you can now move forward with or without MrCricket! Nothing like a bit of action to kick start your life again!

I'm on way to a writing retreat so IN THEORY I shouldn't be posting at all. But I expect I will 🤣

Thanks all 🙂

One of my last remaining single friends is newly couple up and very happy. During our night out last night, I decided to try OLD for the billionth time and have set up a profile yet again.

The problem is, I hardly ever manage to strike up a conversation with people let alone go on a date. I average about one date a year and they are always turn out to be someone so unsuitable that I wonder how we even managed to engage in conversation online let alone get to the point of meeting face to face.

I've had pretty much every bit of advice under the sun (thick skin, coffee dates, don't talk online for too long, etc etc) so I don't think I'm doing anything wrong as it were. I just think I'm incredibly unlucky when it comes to dating and relationships. I've tried to make my peace with being long term single but more recently the loneliness has been setting in, my list of single friends is shrinking, I really would like to meet someone. Just don't seem to know how!

Coupled*

@Shayelle2009 you should post a pic of your haul, I love seeing what people buy!

@Isitreallyme177 wow! What a development...lots to think about hey? I hope it all works out in a way that makes you happy - you deserve to be prized and I hope he sees your value. Get that can of coke open and recharge your energy!
@unhappyteacher haha I think many of us have been in that place - online dating is a cruel netherworld!

@BellaDiMamma ooh a writers retreat, sounds very cool! Enjoy (and yes do post still)

OK I'm a bit giddy today as MrTeacher massively upped the ante with the texts, pure filth and alluding to all kinds of exciting things. Pathetic as it is, I was literally half very much enjoying it, half mortified and googling ideas of things to say back! I feel so awkward being 'sexy' but I want to learn how to without cringing!

Morning and thanks @BelladiMamma enjoy your writing retreated

@MizK thanks I had a biscoff donut for breakfast and a can of coke. Breakfast of champions.🤣

Morning all.

@SpringlikeBunk thanks for the welcome. I’m also trying to diversify my time into stuff just for me like new hobbies and friends even though I mostly want spend all day every day in bed waiting for texts from men.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry things are tough. Good luck with the change in meds. I’m on sertraline after various stress and sometimes I feel much more like me again.

@unhappyteacher I wonder what goes wrong between being good to chat online vs in person. I’m worried I’m going to be like that. I get much more nervous in person… Hope you get lucky soon and find a good ‘un or two!

@BelladiMamma yay for a good date zero. And your handling of being flaked by the first one is so healthy and I hope to aspire to!

@WeWantTheFinestWines I also just want to hang out on this thread (and maybe the Xmas one). How can we get someone to pay for us to do it? I also need to make, like, a map of everyone on the thread to keep track of it all!

I’m still in convo with 2 guys and zero dates are in the pipeline with both now we’ve sorted schedules. I popped in to say hello to the ex last night and and we fell into bed together. We still have chemistry there and are friendly but are not right for each other. I’m trying not to overthink things and there’s no point in telling him I’m dating yet. I’ll see how the date zeros go before I start worrying about that (I’ve always been a one man at a time person but I’m exploring things so who knows…as long as we’re all open and honest, right?).
If anyone has experience with the whole FWB whilst also dating others thing then I’d love to learn from your experience!

Have a nice day y’all.

@Isitreallyme177 Wow! I agree with what @Eesha said. I hope you're OK today, it sounds like a lot to process!

@unhappyteacher Welcome to the thread!

@BelladiMamma Oooh I hope you have a lovely time! How long is it for? A break like that sounds perfect for you.

@FabulousMrFifty Hope you enjoyed your ride! 😁

@Naimee87 I certainly feel your pain on weekday kids vs weekend kids!!

@InABetterPlaceNow I'm good actually today, I'm trying not to over think and just enjoy it for what it was, a lovely evening with good company. Completely unexpected. We can now either put it to rest and concentrate on our friendship or we look at other options. He also now knows how I feel about him going quiet on me and how I start to worry that I've done something. I think last night was definitely needed and I'm glad I dragged my tired arse round there.

Just for new people and anyone who hasn't seen it - the THREADIE MEET IN LONDON is some time on weekend February 5th/6th next year (some people are making a full weekend of it, others dropping in for a drink and a chat).

more the merrier!

Hello all! Hope it's ok if I jump straight in and ask for some advice, you all seem so wise and I'm in need of an outside opinion...

I've been doing OLD for almost 2 years and met a wide, (often) weird, and (very occasionally) wonderful variety of characters in that time, however, I've been on two dates with a guy - let's call him Mr Mohawk - and I've been presented with a brand new potential red flag. Lucky me.

Long story short, after drinks in a local bar last night he told me he's still living with his ex. No kids together and from what I can gather it was a relatively short relationship (maybe a year max from what he's said). I don't know how I feel about this? How should I feel about this?!

Has anyone else been in this situation? I know life gets complicated as we get older and we all come with baggage but I think maybe this is a step too far for me. I wouldn't class myself as a jealous person but even I think I'd struggle waving him off after a great night together knowing he's going home to his ex. Arrrgh, I really liked this one! OLD is exhausting. EXHAUSTING

I lived with my ex for a year after we split as neither of us could move out without the house being sold and it took a year for it to be sold. We were definitely over.

Forgotten how good it feels to be back working out - really missed it over the last month!

@Shayelle2009 or @Isitreallyme177 was it one of you who has a "home room turned into a gym"?

I think that's my next house goal for sure, mirrors and a treadmill and all my mats all ready to go, and a big screen on the wall I can put YouTube workout videos on?

@SuspiciousSushi

I think there's definitely common cases of just living together for financial reasons, but being completely detached socially?

Maybe you could just continue to meet for "out" dates , but not upgrade to intimacy/hosting at yours until you knew further what the lie of the land is? Like are they "friends" or just living like housemates.

If he's telling her about his dates, and they're sitting on the sofa together in the evening and he doesn't go out without checking with her first, and they're quite enmeshed then it would be a no-go but if they're "ships that pass in the night" due to schedule...

At the end of the day, he must know that if he wants to date it's going to be an issue, so see it as "his issue not yours" and put yourself first here?

@SuspiciousSushi

I'd also add that there's no "wrong feeling", ever? If you feel uncomfortable with something that's 100% your prerogative.

Maybe if there's a potential connection there and you'd regret dismissing him early then "give it time to get to know him, see what happens" but you never have to accept someone's living situation if you don't want to.

Everyone has different things they like and don't like and you can evolve and change as you date - last year I wouldn't have invited someone back to mine, this year I have.....it's just part of the learning experience