Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm in so much hell right now.

I am so depressed I burst into tears at my book club Christmas meal.

I told them about Mr Gambit too. We've not talked in nearly two months.

I miss him. He believed that I could have a family with someone.

I even nearly messaged my ex.

Wharfs wrong with me?

... of course it's not just him. I want to scream at my doctor 'TELL ME WHATS WRONG WITH ME.'

I want to scream at my ex 'IF IT WERNT FOR YOU DECIDING I WAS SO HORRIBLE I WOULD NOT BE FEELING LIKE THIS' (No Mr Gambit, you see)

I want to scream at myself 'YOU USELESS BITCH, WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE?

I want to scream at Mr Gambit 'WHY ARE YOU BEING LIKE THIS? I WANT YOU.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards big hugs (if OK) and I'll sit with you.

I'm sorry everything feels like too much. Nothing is wrong with you. I've been there. I'll be there again no doubt. My only advice is to let it all out, and know things will feel better. They always do. Though I know that's probably not entirely helpful right now, but I do need to remind you that.

Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything you can do right now to feel a bit better?

Venting helps sometimes. I can listen, I may not have a magic wand, but I can do that ❤️ Or I can just sit with you.

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]**@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* big hugs* (if OK) and I'll sit with you.

I'm sorry everything feels like too much. Nothing is wrong with you. I've been there. I'll be there again no doubt. My only advice is to let it all out, and know things will feel better. They always do. Though I know that's probably not entirely helpful right now, but I do need to remind you that.

Is there anything I can do to help? Is there anything you can do right now to feel a bit better?

Venting helps sometimes. I can listen, I may not have a magic wand, but I can do that ❤️ Or I can just sit with you.[/quote]
Thank you @InABetterPlaceNow. I just needed to post here and let It out.

Just some ❤️ and hugs would do the trick. I just feel so horrible sometimes 😘😘😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I get it!! I'm glad you've been able to get it out.

❤️❤️ and (((hugs))) are all I can do but I hope things feel better in the morning! Im glad you were able to talk to the book club people and I hope they gave you some irl support!

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I get it!! I'm glad you've been able to get it out.

❤️❤️ and (((hugs))) are all I can do but I hope things feel better in the morning! Im glad you were able to talk to the book club people and I hope they gave you some irl support! [/quote]
@InABetterPlaceNow thank you. Thank you so much. ❤️❤️❤️

I've been going back and forth a bit at the doctors. They want to do blood tests for rheumatoid arthritis now. I just feel
I can't plan for anything.

The book club did give me loads of support. My mum thinks I ruined the meal though. They all assured me I didn't.

One of the members of book club is pregnant at the moment. I feel so jealous of her. Not in a bad way, I just wish that I had a child to love. I can't listen to all the pregnancy chat going round there at the moment.😘

I

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Im glad the doctors are looking at everything they can for you! Keep working with them and I have faith they will have you.

Don't listen to your Mum. My experience of people is that they are happy to provide support if people need it. Focus on what they say, and accept their support. We all need support.

That must be so tough - though kids can also be a pain at times! I love mine, so much. But you absolutely need to put your own oxygen mask first (as they can be little energy vampires!). All of that will come in time ❤️❤️❤️

@InABetterPlaceNow sorry, I pressed send too
Quickly there!

Thank you. I've suffered with anxiety but never to this extent. I just want to fall asleep all the time and I'm crying at the drop of the hat. My doctor is going to put me on another type of medication, because the one I'm on now just isn't working for me.

I think I'm just down because this isn't the life I planned for myself. ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Are they trying you on antidepressants? I only ask as I've suffered with anxiety for most of my life (though for completely valid reasons!) so have tried a lot. I'm finally on ones that fit me (escitalopram for me though ofc everyone is different) and it's been really life changing. The anxiety is still there but all the OTHER stuff (CBT, relaxation etc) actually help now.

I guess what I'm saying is keep working with your doctor. It all takes time, it takes a while to see if something is a fit.

Life can be really challenging but the more you reach out for support wherever you can find it, the easier things get. It does take time though. I'm not "there" yet but things are much better than they have been.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry you've had a difficult evening and I'm glad that you've found some support here

@Stayingstrongish

How did second date zero go *@BelladiMamma*?

Just got back in! Really nice guy, loads in common in terms of hobbies, interests, cultural background. Absolutely wicked sense of humour and great accent. Not my type physically but I can definitely see this one being a grower. We've already talked about seeing each other again & I'm definitely up for it.

So all in all a good date zero

@BelladiMamma Yey for good date zero!! Fingers crossed for this one!

[quote InABetterPlaceNow]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Are they trying you on antidepressants? I only ask as I've suffered with anxiety for most of my life (though for completely valid reasons!) so have tried a lot. I'm finally on ones that fit me (escitalopram for me though ofc everyone is different) and it's been really life changing. The anxiety is still there but all the OTHER stuff (CBT, relaxation etc) actually help now.

I guess what I'm saying is keep working with your doctor. It all takes time, it takes a while to see if something is a fit.

Life can be really challenging but the more you reach out for support wherever you can find it, the easier things get. It does take time though. I'm not "there" yet but things are much better than they have been.[/quote]
@InABetterPlaceNow yes. I've been on peroxatine. Now they're going to try me on sertraline ❤️

[quote BelladiMamma]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards sorry you've had a difficult evening and I'm glad that you've found some support here[/quote]
@BelladiMamma ❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards Remember they can make you feel a bit worse for the first few weeks so give it a chance, but don't be worried about trying a new one after 6 weeks or so. Fingers crossed this one works! It's so weird that it's a bit of a guessing game but I love the one I'm on now ans will be a long time before I come off! The side effects were hard to start with, but worth it! ❤️❤️❤️

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards difficult evening for you, hope you manage to get some sleep tonight, @InABetterPlaceNow you're a ⭐

@BelladiMamma glad you had a good evening, he seems a bit of a character, keep us informed

I haven't slept I've been tossing and turning all night. I didn't get to bed until nearly 1am and have been awake for most of that. I think circuits may be out today. Will try a gym session this afternoon instead.

I saw Mr Cricket last night (bit random and spur of the moment as I was just about to start on the gin and was bloody knackered). We had a massive heart to heart as something happened and its put both our heads in a bit of a spin. He says he really values our friendship and doesn't want to ruin it, that he doesn't know what his 'relationship' is as they have actually not talked about it at all, he doesn't know if she is seeing other people or whether they're exclusive, and it's long distance so he doesn't know if he can handle that as he needs something steady and reliable. I told him not to go quiet on or ignore me as that is when I start worrying that I've done something. He reassured me I have not and could not do anything wrong. I also mentioned that when I met him I was still getting over the head fuck that was Computer Geek and if I seemed off that was why(he did ask if I was still seeing or speaking to him). He said I had been perfectly fine, I was quiet but that is just who I am. We both agreed that we are struggling with loneliness right now(to the point we both go to the supermarket so we speak to someone and then use the self service tills as there are queues 🤦‍♀️) and miss just having someone there.

In many ways it was a lovely couple of hours with a very good friend, where we opened up to each other, set the world to rights and talked about his divorce. In other ways it's so damn obvious that there is more than friendship there. I did say he has to do what's best for him(to me, it seems like he is having doubts about the relationship but I didn't tell him that). He said he needs a couple of days to get his head together and he has promised me he won't disappear.

But he said we will go for coffee and cake (we've upgraded to cake🤣), when he his hands are better.

Why do you have to pretty much drag kids out of bed after hitting snooze three times for school during the week and watch them get ready at a snails pace. And everything you had meticulously prepared for the early start/not to be late has mysteriously disappeared. Then on weekends they bounce into your room ready to start the day at 7am? Dressed and everything? Anyone else relate to this?

@BelladiMamma sounds very promising! I think always go for personality over looks. And having shared interests and hobbies sounds like a great start for a relationship/dating. What’s his accent? MrBeard’s thick Scottish accent does it for me. Even if I have to say “sorry?” a lot!

Ahh @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I feel sorry for you! It’s so crap when life feels like that. Sorry you’re struggling. And don’t worry about being upset. I burst into hyperventilating tears about something just as my stepmum served a lovely meal at the table… it’s ok don’t worry about it. Happens to all of us sometimes. It’s lovely you’ve got your bookclub I bet they are really nice?

@Isitreallyme177 wow… well I guess it was going to happen sometime!!! Hope you’re ok this morning??

@BelladiMamma and @Dazedandconfused10 congrats on having some good date this weekend 🥰🥰

@Isitreallyme177 I hope you finally got to sleep but at the same time I'm sortof chuffed things have moved forward somehow for you with Mr Cricket. I think in this type of situation you need to listen to him and the facts. He's with someone but not really sure what it is between then. He doesnt want to progress stuff with you. Did you make clear you also had some feelings for him? I'm assuming when you said something happened, then either it was a kiss or sex? I think personally if it was me, I'd try my darnest to extrapolate myself from the situation by not seeing him or else focussing on meeting others to break this desire for him. Whatever you say, he seems to consume your thoughts rightly or wrong but he just can't give you enough right now so you'll be the one struggling to understand things. You need to be selfish and give yourself what you deserve. You come across as such a lovely person and I can just foresee you wasting months on him inadvertently.

@BelladiMamma yay for a fun date zero! I do like that this one seems more open yet normal/grounded and I often think those are the ones who are good for us rather than those who send us into a tailspin.

@Shayelle2009 I'm confused. Will take a couple of days to get my head together. But it was a lovely evening of chatting. Oh and he didn't need a wash (which is good as I wasn't going to wash him) he didn't smell at all🤣. Bloody drama queen.

@Eesha no sleep at all. We both agreed we don't want to ruin the friendship which means a lot to both of us. It's a weird situation to be in.

Eeeek @Isitreallyme177 oh well hope it was good you lil devil 🤣🤣

Morning All sounds like some great dates were had this weekend

Is that photo to tell us you got a ride @FabulousMrFifty?? 😄