Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Does it have to be closure @SpringlikeBunk? Cant you leave the door open? He does sound lovely… but you have to do what’s best for you, always!

@Shayelle2009 to be honest things had been difficult for a while for him back then. His job/boss was awful. He had back problems and was in and out of hospital then out of work for a while. I think he just retreated from life. He said i could have always reached him...and he was disappointed that i never get in touch even when he wrote for my birthday. I did ignore several attempts he made but ultimately caved. He's really really a reserved man, completely opposite to me. He's all zen/bhudda like!
We did talk about feelings when things started up again. I was surprised because he had never opened up about how he really felt about 'us'! He's definitely got feelings for me but whether they are the same as mine for him i'm not 100% sure. We came to this FWB situation given all the life-obstacles we have. But i was clear there is no one else on the scene for either of us and i want to be in contact, daily! A little much i know and i also know this is considered needy behaviour, but given the distance/time between some of our 'dates' i like the feeling of knowing the desire/excitement is felt by us both. Sometimes its just a kiss/good morning, but its enough and i do the same and we've managed so far since August. My friends think i'm mad and it'll likely fizzle out. And they just don't get what i find so sexy/desirable given he is a slightly over-weight, bum-bag wearing 45yrold man who still thinks eye-brow rings are cool! Haha!

Thing is @Naimee87 I think people like that don't act on things unless they really feel something. He doesn't sound like a game player and he sounds like he really cares about you. Thats the feeling i get from it. Has he ever been married?

He probably didnt want to be a burden on you when things weren't good for him x

Thanks @Shayelle2009

I don't think I mean closure like "getting rid of him blocking closure" but just "out of this limbo" closure? But that's emotions for you

Theme tune for all us curious, sad people today!

@SpringlikeBunk

MrTesco has come back with the suggestion of a meet where we just hang out a bit 🤔 and don’t do anything too strenuous.

It’s like when your manager at work doesn’t let you text in with a sick excuse and has a conversation with you.

But surely that is consistent with you telling him the reason you can't meet is your health issues?

It seems kind that he's trying to work out something you could do. This is the problem with making excuses, people take you at your word and try to resolve the issue for you. If you just tell the truth (I'm not interested enough to see you again/I don't want to see you again) then they can't argue with it.

@VanGoghsDog

That's a fair enough point - I didn't want to get into the whole "I'm not into you after I appeared keen and suggested meeting tomorrow" discussion so wanted to make an excuse that was more "it's more me and some really boring issue, than you"?

I guess when I say "no time to socialise for rest of year, it was nice meeting you and I wish you all the best for the future" I assume they take that at face value!

Anyway we both know what's (not) happening now.

@Shayelle2009

Hugs to *@BelladiMamma and @SpringlikeBunk* today… sorry you aee not feeling super bright.. sending you some nice vibes to make you feel better ❤️❤️❤️ It’s cos we are nice people that we hurt sometimes! We will all be ok 💝💝

Got to the gym and feel way better thanks ❤️

Hi all. Long time reader first time poster. Thanks for all your thread contributions - they’ve been useful to me as a ‘noob dater’ and I hope you don’t mind me joining in!

After a divorce (almost finalised) and end of an intervening relationship (no overlap!) I have a potential date 0 on Tuesday with a guy I am inadvertently getting my hopes up about. This thread keeps me from going completely mad and start planning for our future home etc, so thanks.

To balance, and based on the lessons here, I have another iron lined up for a date 0 but our schedules aren’t meshing so we’ll see.

Good luck with the Saturday dates, pension planning and big talks!

Ps guy 1 is hitting the exact right balance of flirty and banal chat. Guy 2 is more local and we have more in common I think but he’s not flirty. Want to place bets on which one is the better match?

Welcome @DisappearingHelen - yes seems a good strategy to not overinvest in the first meet/date zero, though also agree that some people I definitely get more excited about based on early communication!

I’d personally just get the meets in and go from there.

Slightly dull check in message from the igel.

Going to follow @BelladiMamma and get my much coveted arse down the gym - I can’t work out at the moment if I’m lovesick or just not looking after my mental health enough 🤔🤷‍♀️

Just had myself some retail therapy. New lipstick from Mac, cute lilac jumper and some grey 80’s mom jeans from Mango. Satisfied 😌

@Shayelle2009

Love the sound of all of that, especially the jeans 🥰

Mango have some lovely jeans at the mo. They also had sone straight leg very pale grey ones which I was tempted by. And a beautiful skirt which im hovering over…

shop.mango.com/gb/women/skirts-midi/printed-midi-skirt_17049604.html

I like grey a lot @Shayelle2009 - it’s quite restful so I often wear grey for exams?

Jumper i got
shop.mango.com/gb/women/cardigans-and-sweaters_c18200786
Love a nice sweater 💗

Oh the link didnt work!! Just shows all the jumpers

Some lovely stuff there @Shayelle2009

I'm thinking of cutting my hours at work and selling the children so I can keep up with this thread.

🤣🤣 priorities in life @WeWantTheFinestWines

@Naimee87

That does sound good - an emotional connection that very much works for you and brings you peace?

Especially if you’ve got your family set up that works for you practically it’s then having those “extra good vibes/feelings” without having to go through the hassle of blended lives.

@WeWantTheFinestWines agreed, this thread is far more fun than every day life!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

I'm thinking of cutting my hours at work and selling the children so I can keep up with this thread.

Friggin' howling with laughter here 🤣