Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma

Actually I'm wondering now if the "unavailability" has built it up to more than it is...

I think what I'll do is just play it 100% straight, be clear I enjoy his company feel and want to stay connected and on each others radar and leave it at that really, rather than turn it into some thwarted romance/one that got away etc?

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@BelladiMamma

Actually I'm wondering now if the "unavailability" has built it up to more than it is...

I think what I'll do is just play it 100% straight, be clear I enjoy his company feel and want to stay connected and on each others radar and leave it at that really, rather than turn it into some thwarted romance/one that got away etc?[/quote]
It's going to feel like unavailability at the moment, unless by some miracle he stays close by. I quite like LDR myself, as it's always an escape and ticks my semi detached box. But if you have real feelings building it's tricky because you will tie yourself in knots to make sure you're available - if you're anything like me that is

The very strange feeling of coming home late and realising that I haven't done that a lot, alone, since the stalker. This month marks 14 months of NC from him. Sweet freedom!

Spring…. No words but . I can kind of imagine how you feel… and this kind of thing is the reason im staying dating free at the mo. Not strong enough to handle these kind of things. Hugs 💕

spring i've learned if you don't things off your chest the thoughts/answers you come up with yourself just keep you in 'limbo-land'... i'd tell the HerrWurstchen the second message you posted about wanting to stay on 'radar' without going to deep into feelings at this point.
@Shayelle2009 wise decision! I'd enjoy your current head-space and feeling nice and calm before trying the dating game again. I wish we'd stumbled across each other while you were in France and managed to share a bottle of the finest Champagne France has to offer. I'm still really hoping to make it the meet-up in February! Fingers crossed! 🤞🏻🍀🤞🏻

@SpringlikeBunk I think your approach - no gameplaying, trying not to overinvest - is sensible and is a form of - horrible phrase - self-care. When someone you like comes with the complication of being temporary, that must be really hard to navigate. And finding someone you like in the first place is a massive bloody win!

@Shayelle2009 I admire your resolve in not getting dragged into the apps - certainly can be vile on there but I find it horribly addictive for a shallow ego boost. (Playing into the hands of all the potatoes who have furious bio rants about women just wanting attention on apps - yeah, sometimes that's the case Trev.)

@BelladiMamma such a relief that you're free of this person. How horrible that just being able to come home late without fear is something you've noticed/appreciated.
I've also been interested in the steps you're taking to get your childcare sorted independently of your ex. Sounds really positive and hope it gives you the freedom you deserve.

Ready for a weekend without dates - out with friends for drinks later, tomorrow is watching ballet at the cinema with DD2 then cheese and wine with other friends at mine.
MrTeacher is out with his team on their Christmas drinks sesh later - now judging from the surprisingly filthy texts he sent me last night, I am kind of hoping he might make a bit of a fool of himself and drunk text later. I know I would actually like him so much more if he let his guard down - we shall see.

Will be checking in later for @Eesha date 2 news!

Morning all! Thanks for the kind words @MizK, I have truly been living a total head 🤯 for about two years since my brother died. It seemed to open up so many different cans of worms ... just the strangest thing. Am really trying to get back on track. Luckily I have a financial cushion. Just this week learning about my DD being left high and dry for 2 hours after school sent me into a tailspin.

Sadly I'm thinking of cancelling our trip to see my Dad, I've just been reading about some of the possible new measures in the face of Omnicron and it's a risk to travel from now on I think.

As for irons, my MrChef mark 2 is also beginning to annoy me. He's not trying to get to know me at all, he's one of the good morning and goodnight crew, tells me about his day and then sends me lots of 'and here are some kisses for you, beautiful' but no attempt to find out more about me. I'd organised a date zero for a week's time with him but he's beginning to annoy me so I'm tempted to sack it off. I've floated a vague 'family plans are changing' message already but maybe I should just go ahead and cancel now so that he has a chance to make other plans?

MrPoet is seemingly very into me but it's interesting observing comms even from someone who's made an effort with you and says they want to see you again. Fairly sparse during the day although what he does send is more meaningful

MrA's DS has Covid. I'm in such a bad mood with him I wasn't going to contact him again but I might just to say how sorry I am. I saw it on Instagram and I knew there was a risk he had it as most of my Thursday was spent chatting to him

MrBeau nothing since his flurry of sad messages on Wednesday

MrDublin nice and consistent, MrBet a bit sporadic. Date zeros's today with both.

Morning all!

I had a great date yesterday, he is lovely, not my usual type but very nice indeed. It lasted like 10 hours!
Hopefully he will be in touch today

Morning all, another wonderful date yesterday with Mr Music. Safe to say there are very strong feelings there already. He got me home at a reasonable time as i have a busy weekend but only after 4hrs smooching in the car . I definitely think although we have both had our own issues/experiences in the past, that we are really good for each other.

@Eesha @Dazedandconfused10 wonderful ❤️❤️❤️

Good news @Eesha and @Dazedandconfused10

Deleting bumble account and also not meeting MrTescos - it’s just too much to schedule in right now and I want to be dry for the rest of this year?

I'm off to the panto later which should be fun!

I had a flurry of messages from Mr Cricket yesterday, he called his doctor as the pain was getting worse and he was feeling worse than he was on Thursday. He knows I'm busy today though so he can't call on me until this evening if he needs anything.

Word salad excuse made. As handsome as MrTescos is, I think he was trying to create a sex vibe early on and wasn’t happy with that.

@Isitreallyme177

I'm off to the panto later which should be fun!

I had a flurry of messages from Mr Cricket yesterday, he called his doctor as the pain was getting worse and he was feeling worse than he was on Thursday. He knows I'm busy today though so he can't call on me until this evening if he needs anything.

My ex used to call me even after we were separated, if he wasn't feeling well. He didn't want to wreck the flirty vibe he had going with his new gf 🤔

Be very careful here. This guy blows hot and cold. I know you've said you've placed him in the friends 'box' but from what I can see, and my extensive knowledge of utter shits and just common or garden players, he is playing you.

@SpringlikeBunk

Word salad excuse made. As handsome as MrTescos is, I think he was trying to create a sex vibe early on and wasn’t happy with that.

Please help out with your excuse so I can crib it for MrChef 2

Thanks ☺️

@BelladiMamma

Ongoing Health issues! (I’ve mentioned the post-concussion syndrome as it’s quite boring and vague.

Tbf it does affect me so not strictly lying but also it means I can’t cope with “I’m a sporty posh dude ten years younger than you who wants a drinking sesh”

Men of bumble, Stop questioning my Dear Johns!

More polite word salads back. I’ve also mentioned I can’t cope with physical activity that well so that should work.

@Isitreallyme177

Oh no you’re not! (Sorry)

Thanks @MizK and @Naimee87 I think stay on each other’s radar is the right vibe - keep things a “little bit open” but don’t overdo things?

If we can squeeze a meeting in before he goes again I’ll just be really “in the moment” and enjoy it for what it is, treating it as final. Realistically I don’t think either of us wants to commit to long distance zoom call hell or being “on a promise”

@SpringlikeBunk maybe I can just go for 'I find your lack of interest in me disturbing' and then give him a Darth Vader stare?

@Isitreallyme177 despite my very dull 'advice' about MrCricket maybe you can use the Panto innuendo to tease 😈 him and see what the hell he's playing at with you ... could be fun 😁😈

@BelladiMamma

Haha I think as long as you bite the bullet and do it reasonably politely it’s “off your mind” then you can move on?

@Naimee87 Sorry I've not got on before now, had a very gusy Friday.

Heartbeats0708i'm so sure you did wish me goodluck. I'm thinking about what you andsortingitouthave said about going a while between getting to see MrD and MrK and 'losing interest.' I know i'm overinvested in magnet-man more than i should be but i really can't help it at this stage. But i'm wondering if i mention it to him that i miss him when we don't get to see each other because i'm curious to hear if he feels the same as you both do or whether he misses me too and get's more excited for when we'll next see each other. I suppose i'm not sure what i hope to gain though... likely he'll tell me what i want to hear. He is always very honest though. What do you think is it worth asking?

I would say not to tell him you miss him in the hope he reciprocates or ask him if he misses you. It sounds like seeking validation from him, I know its hard because you are in limbo land with him but just enjoy it for what it is and see if he comes through with the few days thing. If he doesnt then you have decisions to make.

Can I ask why you don't see him at a house or anything?
I know he's a truck driver but does he live too far away usually for you to see him for more than a few hours?

@Eesha how wonderful! And @Dazedandconfused10.

@Dazedandconfused10 great news on the date, what did you do or is it not suitable for a family friendly thread 😂

@Eesha Loving the date update, all this snogging in cars makes me think of younger years.