Dating Thread 220 - where we forget about pensions and get back to dating

[WeWantTheFinestWines]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

Thanks so much for the supportive posts earlier about my daughter.

@Onesmallstep67 your post perfectly reflected a lot of my thoughts and what’s going on here . Your advice is spot on as usual. I’ll present it to her as you have suggested - she needs to be respectful, I’m not dumping Mr L but equally I’m not moving him in and I am here to discuss things whenever she wants as long as it’s in a calm manner.

@SortingItOut I do try to make time with her every weekend that she’s with me and we often watch tv together during the week or chat a bit after school if work allows. I feel like you are all correct and there is something else going on with her.

@Naimee87 thanks for saying I’m a good mum -
Made me emotional and also feel better after feeling really crappy following her outburst. You are right about counselling - she needs it but refuses point blank to speak to anyone. She hasn’t met him and won’t be. I am keeping things totally separate for now.
I’ll keep communicating and try not to rise to the confrontation. We have a lovely family weekend planned putting up the tree and Christmas shopping so she will be sick of me by Sunday

Good evening, like @Heartbeats0708 mentioned earlier I'm trying to keep up and not get confused too

@MayEye
My youngest DD (13) is not keen on me dating at all, I've gently broached the subject on a few occasions and she's not having it. The crazy thing is she adores Ms YM1 and Ms YM1 adores her. The 3 of us went on a hot date to Costco last night, I hardly got to say a word the pair of them talked and talked but they've known each other for 10+ years

@MollysDolly
Hello and welcome, dating a lady with 3 children would not concern me one bit, the reason being I'm dating the lady not the children, but I also know you are a complete package until they go off and build lives for themselves. The children are a part of you, if a male can't get his head around that bin the guy off

@SpringlikeBunk
Mr Tesco, I do like to see a couple holding hands around the supermarket. Using a supermarket phrase it sounds like Mr Tesco scans but what about his packing skills !

@StartingAgain6369

Haha yes we will see Logically living within walking distance is s big plus

it might be nice to have a proper “let’s make a plan for Friday night date and go for relaxed coffee in Saturday morning” dating situation rather than all these angsty set-ups with guys who are brilliant/charismatic but really it’s all a few messages and sparse meet-ups?

@MollysDolly

I just think right now, you are open to being taken advantage of by the "white knights" and I don't want that for you.

Thank you. I can see me getting caught up in this kind of thing. I'd love to join the thread, and perhaps if I post my experiences, I can have people wave the red flags I'm not seeing.

I've decided I'm going to try the just want a coffee for now route. Because I think it's daunting enough for me and is a baby step.

No one was saying, hey Bella or Molly, great brain and personality!

To be fair, the two guys I had ltr with, were interested in my personality. But I'm not daft enough to think it was my personality that got me a first date. My ex saw something on TV once, and liked how belittling it was. So he'd repeat it all the time. Oh, there she is, "The talentless clothes horse". Wanker.

Thank you all so much, and I'm going to shut up now before I derail anymore. I like how perceptive you all are, I think you've got the size of me and where I'm at already. I'll be back when I've signed up to somewhere.

Honestly, thank you all for being so honest and lovely xx

My counsellor said just meet as many people as you can, men, women, everyone, all situations, all walks of life, do stuff, get involved, agree to things that push you a bit - get to know the type of person you like, get to spot the ones you don't or you feel wary of and examine what's going on there. Find someone you click with (male or female) and arrange to meet them for a coffee and chat. Maybe find something to hang it on - "I love your hanging baskets, would you like to meet up for a coffee so I can pick your brains about how do keep them so lovely?".

You need to learn to trust your own judgment but you can only do so if you give it benchmarking data!

I know it's hard to get out and meet people with kids but I'm NOT talking about dating here - mums at school, join clubs, take your kids to clubs, volunteer for the litter pick with the kids, speak to people in the shop, invite your neighbour in for tea, just get used to talking to people as much as you can.

@MollysDolly I have two young children (under 6), but in a different situation to you as my ex has them half the time - also I want to keep my finances permanently separate and aren’t keen on remarrying.

I have a regular iron I’m dating, he doesn’t mind me having young children but then he doesn’t meet them! I keep him very separate from them, I am mum half the week and then focus on work, dating, hobbies and friends the rest of the time.

So sorry to hear what you have been through. If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s not to rely on a partner for happiness, I’m trying to make plenty of time for my hobbies and friends too.

Thank you, what a lovely post, and great advice :)

@MollysDolly I think there's been some great advice here. A mature individual would understand that you have responsibilities with children and there are plenty out there. Good luck!

@SpringlikeBunk You just have to date a Mr Tesco, purely because I'm a romantic and absolutely love the idea of meeting like that!

@Naimee87 you always write so joyfully and descriptively about Magnet Man so I'm really glad it's going so positively.

@BelladiMamma how are you today? I think your last post about Mr A annoyed me a bit with him happy to flirt but you would be the one to organise things. Why can't he up his game? He's a bozo. Here's hoping these new irons are far more deserving of you.

@StartingAgain6369 again I'm lost, you went out with Miss YM1 and your daughter and they both got on like a house on fire? Uhm, tell me why you aren't dating?

First decent sleep in ages after falling asleep on a zoom call yesterday....

@Eesha
We did date a few years ago but she doesn't want me now

@StartingAgain6369 ouch....hopefully you are OK with the dynamic now. I would be suitably frustrated and avoid them (but then I'm silly)

Hey hey! Back from France which was lovely, but it’s sooo good being back in my own home!
@Eesha and @ibelieveinmirrorballs hope you both have wonderful dates with mr music and mr mixtape this weekend!
@Naimee87 yes I was nearer you, could have popped in for a prosecco on the way home!
@Isitreallyme177 I reckon he put the invite out for you to ‘wash’ him as a way to let you know he’s single again. I had a feeling he’d come creeping back!! Take care! How’s the tree looking?
Hi @BelladiMamma @Slothmomma @SpringlikeBunk @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*@Heartbeats0708 @TwatInTinFoil* @StartingAgain6369 @VanGoghsDog @WeWantTheFinestWines @Dancerinthemoonlight @InABetterPlaceNow @SortingItOut @JustThisLastLittleBit @Stayingstrongish and everyone else!
Hope everyone is starting to feel a little bit of christmas spirit! Think i’ll put some decorations up this weekend ✨🎄

Still no updates for me on the iron front. Met a nice guy on the outbound flight, was hoping he might be on the return, but he wasn’t! Oh well, not meant to be 😆

Welcome back @Shayelle2009

For the avoidance of doubt, MrTesco was a Bumble date zero/first meet - we didn't meet for the first time in Tesco!

(Having cleared the air with MrHedgehog he's going to be travelling round for interviews/quite possibly planning relocation

And although I like him still, obviously it means "going steady" is not feasible any time soon!)

So MrTesco was my very pleasant way to get back into meeting other irons.

I wanted to go to Tesco and he wanted to see me home as I couldn't stay out for long.

(Not sure if it's just me but I do think as shit as the apps are it's pretty much "the only game in town" to connect with new people.

Like I frequently have "moments" with strangers, but getting from there to actually exchanging contacts/establishing they're single and available/actually dating seems impossible!)

@MollysDolly for single mum dating solidarity I recommend this show on the BBC called Better Things - www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b0by92vf

It’s about Sam, a single mum of three. She lives in the US and has a career doing acting and voice work, it’s about her struggles as an aging actor, going through the menopause, coping with three kids alone, dating, friendship, her eccentric mum. She’s funny and sarcastic.

@SpringlikeBunk sorry to hear about MrHedgehog but MrTesco sounds promising!

Agree with you that going from having a little moment with a cute stranger to getting their number and asking them out seems pretty daunting! At uni that sort of thing happened to me a lot more but I think more guys were single back then, we were all permanently tipsy and I had a lot less wrinkles

Hi @Shayelle2009, nice to have you back!

@Shayelle2009 thanks, I think I'm a bit naive and innocent sometimes🙈, all I could think was where's the girlfriend, and he only asked me as I'm the closest(now he has moved he's 10 minutes away), I didn't even consider I'd see him naked at first 🙈. The tree won't be here until Sunday but need to dig my star out from the wardrobe which means moving shoes and bags.

How was France? How is your Dad doing?

@Eesha yes, I can't make sense of him so all he's ever going to do is confuse me. The interaction seems so real but then it's pulled away if I ever want to take things further on my terms. I am pleased that I at least cleared the air before he left London. I'm sure it doesn't even occur to him. I think he loves the attention and likes me enough to want me to turn up now and again on his doorstep but that's it.

[quote StartingAgain6369]@Eesha
We did date a few years ago but she doesn't want me now [/quote]
Yeah I get that, Ms Business has been emailing me about how she feels (email because I blocked her number ), and how us splitting was my fault somehow, even though she was never available, fucking women, what the fuck is wrong them ( sorry ladies, just fucking pissed off today).

[quote Isitreallyme177]@Shayelle2009 thanks, I think I'm a bit naive and innocent sometimes🙈, all I could think was where's the girlfriend, and he only asked me as I'm the closest(now he has moved he's 10 minutes away), I didn't even consider I'd see him naked at first 🙈. The tree won't be here until Sunday but need to dig my star out from the wardrobe which means moving shoes and bags.

How was France? How is your Dad doing?[/quote]
Have you asked him about the girlfriend? I really think you need to 'poke the bear' on this one. You need to know what the hell is going on with this guy

@FabulousMrFifty did you ever have an in person conversation with her? What were the reasons for the split? I know you've vented on here but you haven't really talked it through? Generally throwing around angry words doesn't advance any of us ... to heal or learn or move on.

@FabulousMrFifty

Some people have no "self awareness" about their own behaviour!

MrMilitary used to make these bizarre claims over WhatsApp how I was this cold-hearted bitch who broke his heart et al, et al....fair enough, I can be a bit detached.

But you should have seen the flakiness associated with trying to organise a meet with him?! Anything other than me being available/on-call 24/7 when he was on leave meant we couldn't meet.

@Shayelle2009 hi 👋🏻

I hope your trip was great and you got some quality time with your Dad and you've been able to get your cat back 😊

My Dad emailed yesterday to say we should maybe cancel as they're closing all the wards near him and turning them into Covid ones 😞

@FabulousMrFifty

I'd 100% ignore the e-mails if you want to detach, let her run out of steam (or can you block e-mails or send them to another folder!). Have a Xmas hot chocolate and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........

starting the day with a song for all us thwarted lovers out there...

@SpringlikeBunk

starting the day with a song for all us thwarted lovers out there...

Are we turning into fan fiction on this thread 🤣 ... might be more satisfying 😁

[quote SpringlikeBunk]@FabulousMrFifty

I'd 100% ignore the e-mails if you want to detach, let her run out of steam (or can you block e-mails or send them to another folder!). Have a Xmas hot chocolate and breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.........[/quote]
This too ^