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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OLD what fo you think when men say 'no drama' in their profiles

124 replies

Fatherliamdeliverance · 06/12/2021 17:44

Hi,

I've been OLD a while. This is a really common thing men write in their profiles, sometimes just that (I don't know if women do too).

I was just interested to see if I was alone in finding this a bit offputting. Now, I'm sure people have all had their share of relationship issues. Nobody on the apps are unscathed by this age (30s/40s). However to me, this 'no drama' business suggests that someone is just looking for a quiet life and doesn't want to ever be questioned or challenged, and doing so is likely to constitute 'drama'.

I have to say I find it a bit misogynistic, as if to say, a woman's response to any concerns would be histrionic rather than valid.

Has anyone else got a view on this? I have to say it's caused me to swipe left before.

OP posts:
Sparklfairy · 06/12/2021 17:45

Yep, "I'll do what I like, even if that makes you unhappy, and you get no say in the matter."

Stroppypants · 06/12/2021 17:48

I see it as a sign of emotional immaturity and that they’re saying ‘I will put myself first and I don’t care about your needs ever’. Puts me off whoever I see it. As does the claims of how genuine they are.

I also assume they’re going to say all their ex’s are psychos and other misogynistic crap.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 17:48

Absolutely agree. 100% That's what it means and often said by deeply misogynistic men

gsaoej · 06/12/2021 17:49

I’d bin all the ones who are writing that

Summerhillsquare · 06/12/2021 17:51

I always swiped left. Means they are lazy with poor communication skills and are not really interested in understanding you as a person.

Prisonbreak · 06/12/2021 17:52

I’m not too sure. My best friend LOVES drama and will create it If it’s not present. Meanwhile I can’t be arsed with the nonsense

evtheria · 06/12/2021 17:54

To me it says they do in fact have lots of ‘drama’ going on. Drama being children that he can’t be arsed to properly parent/support, and a poor ex who has to chase/fight him for everything.

Atlanticli · 06/12/2021 17:56

I'd assumed it was people who didn't want to deal with single mothers, and the possible "drama" of them being unavailable due to e.g no childcare, and possibly venting about the father of their DC.

Helpimfalling · 06/12/2021 17:57

Agree with all of the above.

I'd say he attracts drama because of his poor life style choices.

Anything you have an issue with in future he will use this as a stick to beat you with saying 'you knew from the beginning I don't have drama'

Mermaidwaves · 06/12/2021 17:57

Yep those types want to live their lives exactly as they want and if you dare ever raise a question or have an opinion then its 'drama'.

I suspect they're so rubbish that every woman they've ever been with has caused 'drama' because they're so useless! To put a fine point to it, avoid!

SarahBellam · 06/12/2021 18:00

It means they're twats and don't like it when they're called out for being a twat.

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 18:01

"No drama" - don't express any emotion or expectation of me
"No time wasters" - if you don't want sex pretty quickly move along.
"My exes are all psycho" - I'm emotionally abusive and this leads my ex partners to become increasingly upset, or I cheated on them or beat them up and they might tell you so best get ahead of it.
"Ambitious" I will be too just working to pay you any attention unless I want something from you.
"Passionate" sex addict.
"One of the lads" expect misogynistic 'banter' which borders on abuse, and to be left holding the baby and paying the bills while I spend weekends at the pub or away on stag dos.
"Enjoy a drink or two" alcoholic in denial.
"Social smoker" smokes 40 a day but won't let you know that yet.
"Unsure about kids" will string you along until all your fertile days have gone and then get together with a younger woman and have kids with her instead.
"My Mum is the best" and you will be constantly compared to her and will never live up to her standard until I eventually move back in with her.
"Feeling lucky" will gamble your savings on the roulette machine.
"Feeling flirty" will flirt with everyone and end up sleeping with your sister, your auntie, your cousin or your child's school teacher. Did I say or? I meant AND. He will sleep with all of them. Probably in your bed.
"Chilled out guy" bone idle, work shy, messy and dirty. Won't pull his weight around the house or as a Dad. Or financially. A future cocklodger. Throw this one back.
"Outspoken" racist, sexist, homophobic.

Saralyn · 06/12/2021 18:04

I have always assumed it means they are married/have a partner. (So you shouldn’t get pissed off if you get no commitment from them)

WhatMattersMost · 06/12/2021 18:04

That they cause drama.

FallonCarringtonWannabe · 06/12/2021 18:06

However to me, this 'no drama' business suggests that someone is just looking for a quiet life and doesn't want to ever be questioned or challenged, and doing so is likely to constitute 'drama'

Selfish arse who will do what he wants when he wants and doesnt want to be questioned

Kippersfortea · 06/12/2021 18:07

Forgot one

"Love being a Dad" alongside photo with said child: the photo of was years ago. The child sees him once a year if that. He doesn't pay maintenance. Makes him look good for a minute though right?

LondonWolf · 06/12/2021 18:08

“I’m selfish, don’t challenge me on it.”

Lookingoutside · 06/12/2021 18:09

I am dysfunctional. I don’t like women and I’ll treat you like shit but I don’t want to hear a word about it.

HaggisBurger · 06/12/2021 18:10

Total hard no from me. As others have said, who the fuck knows what their definition of drama is. The mere expression of a contrary opinion. Anyone that lists a whole load of things they don’t want:
No filters
No bunny ears
No drama

blah blah. Who ever swiped right on these guys. Don’t start me on the ones who include pics of their kids (who are “their world”) or their siblings kids …. is that supposed to ping my ovaries???

todaysdilemma · 06/12/2021 18:14

Ugh. Just means they're bitter and a bit misery guts - who leads with what they hate on a dating profile, so negative.

Also - it takes two people to cause drama so i just see it as them advertising the sort of relationships they normally get into. Feel grateful for the warning and give them a wide berth.

Mermaidwaves · 06/12/2021 18:15

@Kippersfortea
Has it spot on!

allyjay · 06/12/2021 18:15

I reckon it means they're going to date 50 women at once and shag every one of them and woe betide any woman that has a problem with this

NorthSouthcatlady · 06/12/2021 18:16

It’s not good from my perspective, makes me think of him wanting a quiet life and never wanting to discuss / negotiate things

Windywuss · 06/12/2021 18:17

I'd agree with all of the above. I also take it as one of those men who like telling me what to do when they've not even met me!

Like the ones who give you a list of what you MUST be like rather than saying anything about their possible (and limited) merits!

PicsInRed · 06/12/2021 18:18

It means:

"I'm full of drama and I'm bringing some of that drama your way, but don't you dare stand up to my dramatic wallyness or all label you dramatic or worse."

These guys are so kind to plant a red flag on their own head. 🚩