OLD what fo you think when men say 'no drama' in their profiles

[Fatherliamdeliverance]

Hi,

I've been OLD a while. This is a really common thing men write in their profiles, sometimes just that (I don't know if women do too).

I was just interested to see if I was alone in finding this a bit offputting. Now, I'm sure people have all had their share of relationship issues. Nobody on the apps are unscathed by this age (30s/40s). However to me, this 'no drama' business suggests that someone is just looking for a quiet life and doesn't want to ever be questioned or challenged, and doing so is likely to constitute 'drama'.

I have to say I find it a bit misogynistic, as if to say, a woman's response to any concerns would be histrionic rather than valid.

Has anyone else got a view on this? I have to say it's caused me to swipe left before.

It made me swipe left in my OLD days along with a desire to meet a woman who 'takes care of herself'.

The kind of person who posts things on Facebook like "find me a woman who doesn't spend hours getting ready, I'm waiting"

Agree with haggisburger the negative list of things they don't want is so aggressive and offputting (even if I sometimes see the appeal of doing that!).

Also 'positivity or positive vibes only'? I don't like that either. It sounds very much like a fair weather friend, not a real life partner.

So glad I'm not the only one who feels this way about the drama-adverse. I was beginning to wonder if I was getting too picky.

Although I take your point prisonbreak , there are people about who seem to whip themselves up very easily. However, are there really that many of them around at this age?

Have no idea. Does it mean there's no drama as in no ex and no children to cause ructions. Does it mean they don't want someone who has children and a past?

*positive vibes only'? I don't like that either.

Literally the writing on the sweatshirt im currently wearing I wear it ironically if that helps? Im a very glass-half-empty kinda gal.

Hehe Fallon I'm totally on board with ironic usage. I couldn't spend every day grinning like a kids' TV presenter!

hmm i do wonder if everybodys reading into it a bit too much , personally as a woman the statement no drama means just that , no drama , as in not dating someone with a load of problems that you then become entangled in or somehow involved no ? , i wouldnt want any drama either if i started dating again , not that i will as i cant be bothered with it all

I swipe no on these ones too, BUT having had a run of emotionally unavailable and occasionally just wankerish men I must admit I'm tempted to write a few "no..." s on my profile too!
No one who's not over their ex
No one who just wants a penpal

Etc etc

Maybe they want a virgin 30 year old who knows by miracle exactly what be wants in bed, puts his sexual needs first without complaining, who needs that drama eh! who doesn't mind being a devoted step mother to the child they're not arsed about parenting, except as a way to reduce maintenance to the drama fuelled ex who spends it all on eyelashes? He has his hobbies he cannot compromise on, so do not nag him to give them up or reduce them in anyway.

It totally puts me off and I bypass those men. To me, it's saying, I don't want to deal with any of your problems.

I'd be too afraid to say 'I've had a bad day' or 'I don't feel well' (but maybe not 'You're a dickhead').

@Misty9

I swipe no on these ones too, BUT having had a run of emotionally unavailable and occasionally just wankerish men I must admit I'm tempted to write a few "no..." s on my profile too! No one who's not over their ex No one who just wants a penpal

Etc etc

Perhaps that's what they're after, no baggage from past relationships.

It means they’ll act like a dick but they expect you to not make a fuss about it, in my general experience.

@Kippersfortea

"No drama" - don't express any emotion or expectation of me "No time wasters" - if you don't want sex pretty quickly move along. "My exes are all psycho" - I'm emotionally abusive and this leads my ex partners to become increasingly upset, or I cheated on them or beat them up and they might tell you so best get ahead of it. "Ambitious" I will be too just working to pay you any attention unless I want something from you. "Passionate" sex addict. "One of the lads" expect misogynistic 'banter' which borders on abuse, and to be left holding the baby and paying the bills while I spend weekends at the pub or away on stag dos. "Enjoy a drink or two" alcoholic in denial. "Social smoker" smokes 40 a day but won't let you know that yet. "Unsure about kids" will string you along until all your fertile days have gone and then get together with a younger woman and have kids with her instead. "My Mum is the best" and you will be constantly compared to her and will never live up to her standard until I eventually move back in with her. "Feeling lucky" will gamble your savings on the roulette machine. "Feeling flirty" will flirt with everyone and end up sleeping with your sister, your auntie, your cousin or your child's school teacher. Did I say or? I meant AND. He will sleep with all of them. Probably in your bed. "Chilled out guy" bone idle, work shy, messy and dirty. Won't pull his weight around the house or as a Dad. Or financially. A future cocklodger. Throw this one back. "Outspoken" racist, sexist, homophobic.

@Kippersfortea Please keep going. Funny to read.

What about these?

Adventurous
Nice guy
Fun

@chaosrabbitland I think we all have a list of "have nots" some of which will only surface later in the relationship.

But if I put no controlling men
No gamers
No emotionally unavailable types

I'm displaying my own baggage for all to see and its a turn off.

If we're talking about not wanting someone with a complex life, negative experiences from past relationships etc then I suppose it doesn't feel very empathetic. Presumably the person saying they don't want drama has had some past issues to know what 'drama' is, yet they expect the women they're looking for to have lived quiet lives, no trauma etc..

Yes! And what about 'traditional values'?

"Fuck that"
swipe left

It's an early "behave yourself and conform to my idea of what a woman should be" warning

I think off you fuckncuntychops. And swipe.

Translates as "I just want a shag".

@Fatherliamdeliverance

If we're talking about not wanting someone with a complex life, negative experiences from past relationships etc then I suppose it doesn't feel very empathetic. Presumably the person saying they don't want drama has had some past issues to know what 'drama' is, yet they expect the women they're looking for to have lived quiet lives, no trauma etc..

Perhaps it's their past experiences that prompt them to say they want no drama just a relaxed relationship. If I was younger and starting again I'd be looking for no drama, the problems of dealing with step parenting, exes etc, why put yourself through it.

I notice on Facebook, the people who post statuses about not wanting anymore drama are in fact the people whose lives are full of drama all the time! I assume the men who put it on their dating profiles are the same so I promptly swipe left on any profiles that even mention drama

[quote Sparklfairy]@chaosrabbitland I think we all have a list of "have nots" some of which will only surface later in the relationship.

But if I put no controlling men
No gamers
No emotionally unavailable types

I'm displaying my own baggage for all to see and its a turn off.[/quote]
i think your very right and if only we were all a bit more honest sometimes i guess things would be better for us all , however i think if we did that maybe no one would ever get anywhere , sadly i have my own list of have nots but then my must haves would have some men running for the hills , must love houserabbits and cats , must like gaming , must be independent and no soppy displays of romatic nonsense because it makes me cringe , must be able to like hormonel stroppy 13 year olds ! its just as well im happy being single lol

@Kippersfortea you’re absolutely correct. It’s amazing how good you get at reading between the lines after you’ve been online dating for a while.

OP - I wouldn’t reply to anyone that puts ‘no drama’ in their profile for all the reasons others have posted.

Adventurous=I went on holiday to Thailand for 2 weeks once.
Nice guy=I am very angry with all women.
Fun= I will go on a bender for 3 days. With your credit card. And possibly your daughter.

It’s up there for me with “don’t take life too seriously”. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩