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Original poster

Should I invite DH? Quick responses please

106 replies

alltheprettythings · 02/12/2021 15:07

I have an Christmas eve party this weekend with a group from a hobby I do. Members only so DH not invited.
He has been a bit weird about me going - said things like "dont look too lovely on Saturday night" wish you weren't going out" and questioning why I am getting a taxi with others/not driving when I don't drink a lot. I feel a bit suffocated and controlled (or trying to).Due to cancellations a couple of tickets have become available and open to partners. Do I invite him? We don't go out enough so in some ways this would be nice. However he won't know anyone ( so I will feel I can't leave him) I don't want to subliminally encourage his attitude towards me going out without him, and he will want to leave earlier than I want to ( he has work the next day) writing this I'm not feeling i want him to come but feel bad about it.

OP posts:
ginslinger · 02/12/2021 15:08

I wouldn't - I think you should go off and enjoy yourself

ThisismyChristmasnom · 02/12/2021 15:09

Spare places? You two don't go out together that much? Yes! Of course invite him! Have a great time.

JeffThePilot · 02/12/2021 15:10

No, I wouldn’t. It will just enable his behaviour which is not OK. Go and have fun without having to spend the whole evening pandering to him.

SmallBoyFury · 02/12/2021 15:10

Absolutely not.

Don’t give in to controlling behaviour.

dramaqueen · 02/12/2021 15:11

Absolutely not

traintraveller · 02/12/2021 15:11

No. Do not invite him.

Eightandahalfyears · 02/12/2021 15:11

Nope. Definitely not.

SandrasAnnoyingFriend · 02/12/2021 15:11

No. It will 'reward' his low level controlling tendencies

wigglycactus · 02/12/2021 15:12

Nope, I wouldn't invite him.

TheFlis12345 · 02/12/2021 15:12

Don’t invite him. It will encourage this controlling behaviour and you won’t enjoy yourself. Is he always like this if you go out without him?

Coldenoughforyou · 02/12/2021 15:12

No, go and enjoy yourself.

Skeumorph · 02/12/2021 15:13

No. Three very good reasons why you shouldn't.

Especially the not encouraging that slightly controlling attitude.

Really don't invite him, and put him in his place quick smart the next time he tries a comment.

He sounds like the kind of man who will spoil it for you too - wanting you to stay by him, not liking you socialising with people he doesn't know. Sounds like it would only end in a sulk at how you totally ignored him all night and who was he you were so enamoured by? and all that shit!

Enko · 02/12/2021 15:13

No

achara · 02/12/2021 15:13

No I wouldn't. He'll think you caved to his control.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2021 15:14

Go to this party on your own and do not invite him. I would think you rarely if ever go out without him anyway (because of such complaints from him too).

What is he like to and around people in the outside world, all sweetness and light with them no doubt. What is he like re your family?.

How else are you controlled by him within the home?.
I would read a copy of "Why does he do that?" written by Lundy Bancroft as your H could well be in those pages.

Controlling behaviour is abusive behaviour and I would start thinking about whether you would want to remain with such an individual; I would hope not anyway and particularly so if you have children. Such abuse is insidious in its onset and does creep up on people unawares.

Do you think he feel bad about questioning you like this; no not a bit of it. He feels entitled to do so (it could well be that one or even both his parents act like this too) and he really does want to keep you in a cage of his own paranoid making.

Animood · 02/12/2021 15:14

No don't invite him.

Be firm. Tell him you are going by yourself and you'll make whatever plans you like.

OtherPlans · 02/12/2021 15:15

No

LadyCampanulaTottington · 02/12/2021 15:15

Absolutely not.

He sounds like an insecure limpet. Don’t let him guilt you, its his problem to manage.

ReadyforTakeOff · 02/12/2021 15:17

This guy sounds like he has zero confidence or social skills. WTF?

The sort who hang around needing someone to "take care of them" in front of strangers..a surefire way to make what should be a fun evening be fecking miserable.

In a word: "No".

AttilaTheMeerkat · 02/12/2021 15:18

Better to be on your own rather than to be so badly accompanied.

stalkersaga · 02/12/2021 15:18

No definitely don't. It will encourage him to keep controlling you and you won't have fun. Go alone.

Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 15:18

I would say yes. Only because he isn't stopping you going out but seems to be a bit insecure about it all. maybe the starting going out after covid? I've seen this with a few friends, just this sort of odd anxiety.

Plus imagine if he realised afterwards that there was a spare ticket and you didn't want to invite him?

If you want him there, ask him. If you don't want him there, then don't.
But don't not ask him just because he's been a bit weird about you going out. We all have wobbles from time to time, maybe this is his?
Might put his mind at rest and be the thing that makes him think he's been overreacting and so subsequent nights out that you do will not be an issue.

KineticSand · 02/12/2021 15:20

Definitely not.

Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 15:20

I don't think by inviting him you are giving in to 'his controlling behaviour'. Giving in to someone being controlling would be not going at all yourself.

ReadyforTakeOff · 02/12/2021 15:23

@AttilaTheMeerkat

Better to be on your own rather than to be so badly accompanied.
Yep. Some people are just embarrassing to be around/with.

We've all been there I'm sure.