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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I invite DH? Quick responses please

106 replies

alltheprettythings · 02/12/2021 15:07

I have an Christmas eve party this weekend with a group from a hobby I do. Members only so DH not invited.
He has been a bit weird about me going - said things like "dont look too lovely on Saturday night" wish you weren't going out" and questioning why I am getting a taxi with others/not driving when I don't drink a lot. I feel a bit suffocated and controlled (or trying to).Due to cancellations a couple of tickets have become available and open to partners. Do I invite him? We don't go out enough so in some ways this would be nice. However he won't know anyone ( so I will feel I can't leave him) I don't want to subliminally encourage his attitude towards me going out without him, and he will want to leave earlier than I want to ( he has work the next day) writing this I'm not feeling i want him to come but feel bad about it.

OP posts:
Userengage · 02/12/2021 16:06

Absolutely not. He’ll spoil it for you, selfish man.

sunnyzweibrucken · 02/12/2021 16:07

No. he sounds like he's trying to guilt tripping you.

maresedotes · 02/12/2021 16:11

Don't invite him. He won't know anyone and that will restrict you. Plus he'll want to leave early and if you delay he may end up sulking. Go and enjoy yourself.

Whataday21 · 02/12/2021 16:11

Definitely turn your phone off and tell him you'll turn it on when you are leaving. He sounds like an arse. Watch out he doesn't create something when you're getting ready you go out, argument etc.

kikipie · 02/12/2021 16:12

Is he always a tosser?

BiddyPop · 02/12/2021 16:17

No

Shoxfordian · 02/12/2021 16:20

He sounds controlling
Rethink this relationship and definitely don’t take him

Tomatalillo · 02/12/2021 16:36

No. As PPs said, definitely don’t give in to this controlling and jealous behaviour.

PeanuttyButter · 02/12/2021 16:45

No, you go alone.
Don't reinforce his behaviour - don't look too lovely?! ... Why the bloody hell not! I'd be having words.

HollowTalk · 02/12/2021 16:49

No. He doesn't want to go, he just wants you not to go. And he'll spoil the night for you as you won't be able to talk to anyone else and he'll want to leave early.

Is he always so controlling? It's hard to imagine this is a one-off.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 02/12/2021 16:51

No. Don't ruin your chance to breathe by having him trailing along with a face like a damp fart in Middlesborough.

Starcaller · 02/12/2021 16:54

Def not. Enjoy your night!

Bookworm20 · 02/12/2021 17:02

Oooo, maybe one person thought you should, the person who originally imagined it was Xmas eve … possibly imagining motives too.

Maybe because the OP said it was a Christmas eve party!

Santaischeckinglists · 02/12/2021 17:07

No don't invite him. He will assume rules have changed just for him.
You are entitled to a night off from his paranoia..

BeaMends · 02/12/2021 17:12

Is he likely to find out that places have become available for partners? If he does find out, and that you didn't accept an offered place for him, will he become even more suspicious?

(Speaking as someone who is going to a hobby Christmas party event on my own this evening, and DH couldn't care less if he tried)

pickingdaisies · 02/12/2021 17:17

No don't invite him. It could be the thin end of the wedge, and you will never get a minute's peace or an evening doing things that are just for you from now on.
OP has he expressed this sort of possessiveness before? Is he generally ok with you having a hobby that doesn't include him? Is it just the social side that's got him in a state, and would arranging a night out with him calm him down? This sort of nonsense would have me looking at the rest of my relationship.

Fallagain · 02/12/2021 17:20

No! Definitely not.

You need to speak to him about his unacceptable behaviour.

LightSpeeds · 02/12/2021 17:25

Go without him

Didimum · 02/12/2021 17:35

His comments are passive aggressive. Find out what’s going on there. You said you don’t go out enough - does he feel deprioritised or neglected? Passive aggression isn’t OK, but open the lines of communication a little deeper here.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 02/12/2021 17:39

Oh my goodness no, absolutely do not invite him!

It doesn’t sound great, to be honest. You need to tell him quite frankly that he should stop it with that.

billy1966 · 02/12/2021 17:40

Absolutely not.

bucketsoflove · 02/12/2021 17:56

Definitely not. Dress how you like, have a great time and as pp suggested, turn your phone off for the entire evening.
Do not let this man have any control over you.

Nanny0gg · 02/12/2021 18:51

Nope.

By all means go somewhere else with him, but this do? No

And turn your phone off

Newestname002 · 02/12/2021 19:13

What (almost) everyone said, OP. Don't reward dubious behaviour- and don't set a precedent for future things you want to do and he might disapprove of. 🌹

freeatlast2021 · 02/12/2021 21:01

@Wombat69

I'd be addressing the behaviour too, especially if you currently don't have kids.
Yes, this. I am surprised that you are asking if you should invite him to the party or not when the question, in my opinion, should really be if you should uninvite him, from your life. Sorry, his behavior, totally unacceptable!!!