Husband desperately wants another baby but I don't feel ready

[rmummyofone]

Well as the title states, I'm not yet ready.
My little one was completely unplanned the pregnancy was not what I wanted at that time in my life, we were newly married, I was 20, and I wasn't ready but love children and my husband absolutely adores them, so I grew to accept it and ended up enjoying my pregnancy. We both had issues during my pregnancy, he cheated on me, he was talking to other girls online, which took me a long time to forgive and then did it again.. makes me sound like a mug but I loved him and still do, I went for counselling and got through it with him.
For the last year or so (since my little one was around 10 months old) I've been feeling 'pressure' to put it lightly from my husband to TTC. I put it off and made it clear I wasn't ready, I had the nexplanon implant put in which was a nightmare. I had that in from September of 2020 to Feb of this year.
I've told him my reasons being I'm worried he will cheat like he did when I was pregnant the first time and he continues to show he's so sorry about his mistakes. I've told him the recovery after birth was horrible (it really was, a ventouse delivery with a huge episiotomy that broke down) he's reassuring to me that he will help me (he did after my first birth too) but the reality is, I just don't feel ready. I keep saying it's my body, it's my choice. But to me it seems he just wants to have the baby in summer so he can have his time off work and have a nice paternity leave with us, his reasons are genuine but I can't imagine being heavily pregnant about to pop in summer!!! I just don't want that.

He wants to TTC this month (dec) so baby would be born august/sept. But I've made it clear I don't want that, he went quiet, he was upset. He's reacted quite badly before, not respectful of my boundaries, and I know some people out there would love a partner who wants another child so badly but it's almost suffocating he keeps bringing it up everyday he jokes about it, he tries to push it on me so much and it's such a turn off. I've told him this too but he continues to do it. Maybe he thinks it will persuade me?

Idk anyone else really who has a problem like
Mine? I would like to ttc from Feb to have a baby in November of 2022 or anytime after that. To me that feels like a gap between the two I could deal with.

Idk why it's upsetting me, maybe I'm the one in the wrong here? I'd just like some advice really..
forgot to mention I'm 22 now.

He wants you pregnant and tied to the home so he can go and shag around.

His 'islamic rulings' didn't extend to him being faithful to his wife then?

Do NOT get pregnant again. I'd be planning to leave to be honest. You'll never trust him fully again anyway.

I really wish people would RTFT before commenting.

Great update @rmummyofone

How wonderful @rmummyofone to read this thread and then see your update. I'm so glad you are now out of your marriage. It was clearly a horrible situation, and you are so young with your entire life ahead of you. I'm so happy for you.

Great update, OP.

I hope you are living your life in the light, free of his darkness. May that continue forever for you.

Best wishes and all strength to you rmummy

I just stumbled on this thread and OP, I am so, so glad that you got out. He sounds so awful. I hope you have a nice and long life without him.

He wants to TTC this month (dec) so baby would be born august/sept. But I've made it clear I don't want that, he went quiet, he was upset. He's reacted quite badly before, not respectful of my boundaries, and I know some people out there would love a partner who wants another child so badly but it's almost suffocating he keeps bringing it up everyday he jokes about it, he tries to push it on me so much and it's such a turn off. I've told him this too but he continues to do it. Maybe he thinks it will persuade me?

Please don't have another baby with this man.
Abuse tends to ramp up at the point of significant life events - like cohabitation, marriage, pregnancy, childbirth.

Look how he treated you when you were pregnant. He cheated - more than once - lied, & hurt you.
OK ... you feel you have worked through that & have taken him back.
Now he wants you pregnant again (women with DC are SO much easier to control!)
He has zero respect for your boundaries. Do not trap yourself further with him.
You are not his brood mare.

Oh dammit have just seen the OP date - apologies OP I will keep my trap shut now til I've read your updates.

So glad to read your update, OP!

Your update has made my day, OP. Sending you very best wishes for a much happier future.

Well done for getting out! It can be very hard to recognise abuse especially when it starts so subtly. I am glad you have managed to escape it and I hope you will access counselling to fully understand the depths of it so you don’t repeat the cycle.

I wish you every success and happiness for the future.

I am so relieved for you OP. Congratulations on your fortitude in getting away from this gaslighter.

How did your parents take it, & can you rely on their support now?

How brave are you? Well done xxx

This, please make sure your contraception is watertight, and start working towards leaving this abuser.

You are so young, you have your whole life ahead of you - you deserve better!

I managed to miss your update!

Amazing news, well done. Onwards and upwards!

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UPDATE

I have now left him, I left 4th August and he sent me a divorce 18th September. I totally forgot about this thread and thought I'd update it.

Thank you to all of you, this was around the time I started realising this behaviour isn't normal. Unfortunately I have in in January and fell pregnant and even more sadly, I lost the baby in March. My (now ex) husband snapped after that, I felt alone. He didn't pick me up from the hospital after it and allowed me to take the bus home was adamant we try again straight away, caught him getting flirty with work colleges private IG stories with them not to mention an escort contact saved on his phone. Not to mention weeks of silent treatment that had me starving myself unable to take care of myself at all. Revenge porn threats oh at one point I was thinking I'd rather he abused physically the mental torture is still hard to shake off to this day.

Not to mention I didn't mention sooner in this post but he forced me to cover my face (I'm Muslim) and coerced me into sex a lot. There are texts if scriptures being used to do this to me over and over as well as the manipulation he will end himself if I don't cover my face outside. HOW I didn't get out I don't know? 2019 - 2021 me would be shocked at how far we've come.

I left the house August 4th this year and he divorced me 18th September.

I'm doing ok at the moment, highs and lows as you do. Miss him sometimes (the romanticised version of him my brain tricks me into believing) and actually feel repulsed at the idea of ever being with someone again let alone marrying them.

Looking forward to the freedom programme many women on here have recommended. Wish I looked into it last year when someone responded I said I would and forgot. Maybe would've saved me the pain I've been through.

I'm glad to be away from him, I'm 23 now, at the time I wrote this I never imagined less than a year later I'd be worrying about fat different things like what uni to apply to and which driving instructor to pick and which nursery to choose for my little one who is now 2.5.

That me would me would be so shocked and so proud we made it out. That's not what love is supposed to feel like.

Me having such a low sex drive was actually my body saying hey out of here. He isn't the one.

Truthfully still early days and I'm proud to say I've reported it to the police and had ABE interviews too. Judging by others stories I doubt this will go on to court, however my ex also coerced me into sex many many times in our marriage. I don't even have count of the times he did, that is something that may go further but who knows? I just feel happy I reported it should he dare do this to another future partner.

I feel testy but reading back at this post made me see there was a turning point in my journey snd it was all of you who played a part in helping me. I don't know how many will even see this or how many are still active on here. But THANK YOU. So much love for you all.

Am glad to read your update. Onwards and upwards indeed!.

@rmummyofone that is great news. Your story will give hope to other women in the same situation.

So delighted to read this update.

What an incredibly strong brave woman you are.

I so hope your parents are supporting you.

If you were my precious daughter I would be so proud of you, especially for reporting him too.

Every success for your future and that of your child.

DH wanted another, I said “no, if you want one grow your own uterus” that was the end of the conversation, DH accepted this with good grace and humour. It is fucking horrible to pressure a woman into having a baby she doesn’t want. Dh is genuinely a good dad but that’s irrelevant to the question of having another child.

If DH had kept raising it I would have snapped and I mean full on gone ballistic. Plus he’s a cheater, you are incredibly young, this does not have to be your life.

Oh shit sorry didn’t see the update bit.

Good for you 🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽

You are bloody brilliant!!! I am so pleased for you 😊! Wish you so much happiness in the future (I suspect you are already much happier).

I always think that in a relationship the person who doesn't want a baby gets priority no matter what else is happening.
It does sound like there are other issues afoot here in your relationship I'd address first so your instincts are right.

Missed the update amazing congratulations on getting out.
It is hard right now but u in a year will look back and know u have done the right thing

Congratulations OP what a heartwarming update. You are wonderful!

You have done such a brave thing for your child and yourself. What an amazing and strong mummy your child has. I hope they know that one day. Xxxx