Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma thank you. 😊 i do think there's some lovely people on here, otherwise I wouldn't come back on this thread or post on it. ❤️

My problem is with the people who post seemingly just to have a go and judge. I don't deserve that or have time for it, and I do feel sorry for those on here who get their kicks being nasty to a disabled person. 😘😘

@FabulousMrFifty

So jealous of everyone and their dogs, this was my boy ( he is long gone, this is a photo of a photo)

Awwww a Dalmatian was our first family pet when I was little. She ate EVERYTHING

[quote Isitreallyme177]@FabulousMrFifty what a beautiful elegant dog they were too😍

@BelladiMamma your two remind me a little of Laurel and Hardy, one big one small.😍[/quote]
Yes that's exactly it

[quote OnwardsEverStridingOnwards]@BelladiMamma thank you. 😊 i do think there's some lovely people on here, otherwise I wouldn't come back on this thread or post on it. ❤️

My problem is with the people who post seemingly just to have a go and judge. I don't deserve that or have time for it, and I do feel sorry for those on here who get their kicks being nasty to a disabled person. 😘😘[/quote]
I think the point I was trying to make is that you might be able to progress more if you were also posting in a forum where more people had lived your experience

And FWIW I don't think ANYONE on this thread is getting kicks out of being nasty to you. They're providing dating advice. A lot of the advice on here is very blunt but it's always well meant

OLD is such a headf@ck. Here I am waiting to meet someone today who I've only seen photos of and had phone calls with. I know a little about his family, background, job, previous relationships. I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be like meeting him. I mean for a start does he have bad breath?

He's definitely going to be late. But he's a typical Londoner in that way, I've never known anyone who lives in London to manage navigating trains and roads and actually beat the traffic or delays when coming to the country 🤣

I don’t see how you could construe anything that has been posted as someone ‘getting kicks out of being nasty’ @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, not on this thread anyway (elsewhere on MN you see it all the time). I think you are attributing motivations to people without grounds - just as you are to Mr Gambit, assuming he ‘hates’ you when he hasn’t replied. You are in a dark place right now and I really feel for you, but I can’t believe that seeing hate and nastiness in others without evidence exactly helps you. Assume ‘muppetry not malice’ until proved otherwise? Take care now 💕

@BelladiMamma I don't think there is a board like that on here, which is a shame, as there seems to be one about everything else 😂 I read a thread recently asking why MN doesn't have a chronic pain board.

I unfortunately do think some posters just write to be nasty, but I know it's their issue, and to not let it bother me too much. At the end of the day, I'm going to do what feels right for me, and if some people can't accept that, then it's their issue, not mine ❤️

This is the dog I am house sitting for. He's cute and fairly well behaved.

But I want to go home now, the heating being fucked isn't helping my mood.

I won't post photos of the chickens, they just look like chickens.

@JustThisLastLittleBit I think Mr Gambit hates me as he has blocked/ stopped taking to me since last week, so I do have grounds to think the way I do now where he is concerned.

And I'll say it again, some people do post on here to be nasty. I do think it is a shame but at the end of the day, it's their issue and I feel really sorry for them ❤️

For any Lab fans, here are the loves of my life (older one died two years ago 😢 )

‘Hate’ though? It’s a big big word. Is ‘hate’ brought on just by someone not replying promptly?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don’t think you’ll get any support on this thread on the subject of “some posters” getting kicks out of being horrible to a disabled person. That’s quite a hefty allegation, and you throw it around casually. You take any criticism (or rather, feedback that you don’t agree with) as being malicious. It is not malicious. Just as mentioned above, someone not sending you a message on WhatsApp is not an indication that they “hate you”. They’re probably bored. I think if you don’t intend to meet people face to face that you should perhaps find an app which specialises in penpal friendships, or state clearly in your bio that you don’t want a face to face relationship for the time being.

It’s entirely your prerogative to not want to meet someone face to face, but you can’t take it as a sign of being “hated” that someone you’ve never met doesn’t send you a message. As you can read from our postings here, many of us have spent large chunks of time with people who go on to ignore us or whatever. Even in those situations, I don’t think many of us would say it’s because we’re hated.

My problem is with the people who post seemingly just to have a go and judge. I don't deserve that or have time for it, and I do feel sorry for those on here who get their kicks being nasty to a disabled person. 😘😘

If that was a dig at me @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you are bang out of order! I have never been ‘nasty’ to you, nor anyone on this forum. I find it rather offensive that you’d mention in that comment about you being disabled, which falsely implies I sought out to comment to you on that basis alone. To specifically upset you. Pathetic really.

And putting a love heart emoji at the end of a sentence which is frankly really quite rude about posters on this thread is really passive aggressive, btw.

@Catcrazy83

*My problem is with the people who post seemingly just to have a go and judge. I don't deserve that or have time for it, and I do feel sorry for those on here who get their kicks being nasty to a disabled person. 😘😘*

If that was a dig at me @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards you are bang out of order! I have never been ‘nasty’ to you, nor anyone on this forum. I find it rather offensive that you’d mention in that comment about you being disabled, which falsely implies I sought out to comment to you on that basis alone. To specifically upset you. Pathetic really.

@Catcrazy83 I'm not going to even dignify that with a proper response.

[quote ibelieveinmirrorballs]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I don’t think you’ll get any support on this thread on the subject of “some posters” getting kicks out of being horrible to a disabled person. That’s quite a hefty allegation, and you throw it around casually. You take any criticism (or rather, feedback that you don’t agree with) as being malicious. It is not malicious. Just as mentioned above, someone not sending you a message on WhatsApp is not an indication that they “hate you”. They’re probably bored. I think if you don’t intend to meet people face to face that you should perhaps find an app which specialises in penpal friendships, or state clearly in your bio that you don’t want a face to face relationship for the time being.

It’s entirely your prerogative to not want to meet someone face to face, but you can’t take it as a sign of being “hated” that someone you’ve never met doesn’t send you a message. As you can read from our postings here, many of us have spent large chunks of time with people who go on to ignore us or whatever. Even in those situations, I don’t think many of us would say it’s because we’re hated.[/quote]
@ibelieveinmirrorballs I've paused my OLD membership for the time being, as I just don't have the energy at the moment.

I do think I'm hated, but that's my personal view of the matter.

@JustThisLastLittleBit

For any Lab fans, here are the loves of my life (older one died two years ago 😢 )

Omg this could be a photo from my camera circa 5 years ago when I had 2 black labs! Both gone now x

@JustThisLastLittleBit

‘Hate’ though? It’s a big big word. Is ‘hate’ brought on just by someone not replying promptly?

@JustThisLastLittleBit I know that. But what the hell else am I supposed to think?

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

If you think people are being nasty, report their posts. I'm going to start reporting yours as you are being very unpleasant.

The point people are trying to make is not that you should change and meet people when you don't want to or can't, it's that the OTHER people may want to meet people (it is what dating apps are for, after all) and you chatting for a year and being unable to meet is probably just too much for someone.

And it IS a big responsibility on someone I'm afraid. It's will be hard for you to see it from their point of view, of course, but it is.

We have all chatted to people and then found them unable or unwilling to meet and have had to stop because it's not going anywhere and, as we are trying to date, we find this annoying.

That's why I suggested you try (Facebook) groups, and Meet up (which, as I said before and you didn't pick up, has some online groups too) and other posters have suggested forums for people with chronic pain etc (not necessarily on Mumsnet), but you dismiss everything and then claim people are being nasty to you.

Has MrGambit actually blocked you, or are you just imaging that?

I mean, if men like me so much, why am I a virgin, for example? Why do men want to hurt me? I'd never do the same for them.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

I mean, if men like me so much, why am I a virgin, for example? Why do men want to hurt me? I'd never do the same for them.

Please stop this.

** VanGoghsDog

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

If you think people are being nasty, report their posts. I'm going to start reporting yours as you are being very unpleasant.**

Also reporting

In other news, these pet pictures have set my ovaries off, I’m desperate to get a little dog. I don’t know how my oldest cat would cope though. She used to be fine but she’s rather cantankerous in her old age.

And I’m yet to find a Christmas present for mrWa. after a few months, What’s the expectation? Something more like a gesture?

@BelladiMamma

OLD is such a headf@ck. Here I am waiting to meet someone today who I've only seen photos of and had phone calls with. I know a little about his family, background, job, previous relationships. I have absolutely no idea what it's going to be like meeting him. I mean for a start does he have bad breath?

He's definitely going to be late. But he's a typical Londoner in that way, I've never known anyone who lives in London to manage navigating trains and roads and actually beat the traffic or delays when coming to the country 🤣

Good luck! What outfit did you go for??

Hope he exceeds expectations.

[quote VanGoghsDog]@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

If you think people are being nasty, report their posts. I'm going to start reporting yours as you are being very unpleasant.

The point people are trying to make is not that you should change and meet people when you don't want to or can't, it's that the OTHER people may want to meet people (it is what dating apps are for, after all) and you chatting for a year and being unable to meet is probably just too much for someone.

And it IS a big responsibility on someone I'm afraid. It's will be hard for you to see it from their point of view, of course, but it is.

We have all chatted to people and then found them unable or unwilling to meet and have had to stop because it's not going anywhere and, as we are trying to date, we find this annoying.

That's why I suggested you try (Facebook) groups, and Meet up (which, as I said before and you didn't pick up, has some online groups too) and other posters have suggested forums for people with chronic pain etc (not necessarily on Mumsnet), but you dismiss everything and then claim people are being nasty to you.

Has MrGambit actually blocked you, or are you just imaging that?[/quote]
@VanGoghsDog I'm being unpleasant as I feel I'm being picked on for no reason, and it's horrible.

I did reply to your post yesterday, and I said I did have a meetup account, and if there was something I could get to, and I was feeling okay at the time, I'd look into going. I'm also a member of some similar groups on Facebook.

It's going to just take me time to get better and feeling more confident with myself, once that happens, I can start making progress with things. Right now, I just wake up wanting to die or not be here. Not just because of dating/men, but my life generally.

I think of how my life is going to be in the future and to be honest, I just see blackness. It's horrible, and I'm so scared.

@JustThisLastLittleBit

For any Lab fans, here are the loves of my life (older one died two years ago 😢 )

Lovely looking black labs, it’s so sad when they go, my Dal was gone about 2 months after the picture above was taken due to kidney failure (about 15 years ago now).