Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards

My mum really annoys me sometimes as well. She thinks all men like me and that's simply not true at all.

That's mum's being mum's, my mum has been great and very supportive during my divorce but she has recently come out with some classic lines which do get to me a touch

@StartingAgain6369 ❤️❤️❤️

She thinks I'm like her but I'm different. That's what annoys me. ❤️

I don’t mean to sound harsh @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards, or patronising as I know you’ve been on here a long time, like most of us, but you only have to read a couple of threads to see how all posters feel irons from a dating site actually looking for pen pals, who won’t meet for what ever reason, genuine or not. It’s just doesn’t wash and we as humans get bored of online only. Especially after a year! I agree with other posters who say you are too invested in your pen pal. If you want a real life relationship you are going to have to meet irons in the flesh.

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards @VanGoghsDog
I've had loosing weight comments and a few weeks ago "you don't have a lot of luck with women do you"

@Catcrazy83

I don’t mean to sound harsh *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards*, or patronising as I know you’ve been on here a long time, like most of us, but you only have to read a couple of threads to see how all posters feel irons from a dating site actually looking for pen pals, who won’t meet for what ever reason, genuine or not. It’s just doesn’t wash and we as humans get bored of online only. Especially after a year! I agree with other posters who say you are too invested in your pen pal. If you want a real life relationship you are going to have to meet irons in the flesh.

@Catcrazy83 I'll be honest... posts like yours really get my goat up because I can tell you've not bothered to read anything I've actually said before posting.

I'm having health issues at present. If I manage to get of my bloody bed I'm lucky. My mum has to drive me everywhere. I'm depressed and I feel like I want to die. I've been referred to counselling and a mental health team, so as you can imagine, I'm not feeling my best.

I do not want to meet Mr Gambit or anyone at the moment feeling the way I do. You can understand that, can't you? Put yourself in my shoes.

I am over invested in Mr Gambit because I trust him and I can talk to him. I haven't been able to do that with men because I have a hard time even getting a man to want to get to know me. Hence why I joined this thread back in January, to get some support. I'm trying to work though my issues, but it'll take time. I want to meet Mr Gambit, but it'll be when we're both ready to do so.

@Catcrazy83 oh, and Mr Gambit has his own issues. Which I won't go into. It's not for you to judge us like you have. Not everyone has the confidence or inclination to meet straight away. Every situation is different.

We've been chatting on/off for a year. It's not been a constant thing.

[quote StartingAgain6369]**@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* @VanGoghsDog*
I've had loosing weight comments and a few weeks ago "you don't have a lot of luck with women do you"[/quote]
@StartingAgain6369 I get a few of those too ❤️

To be fair though @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards - this is a dating chat thread. So people are going to comment on your situation as if it was a dating situation. And you really can't expect everyone to read everything you write as there are a lot of posters and we all dip in and out.

I have read everything you’ve wrote @OnwardsEverStridingOnwards we have actually had a similar conversation when you were having issues with another “iron” in the past and I had a different user name. You responded the same way. My advice was and is still #rule 4. Online only relationships are not real.

@VanGoghsDog

To be fair though *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* - this is a dating chat thread. So people are going to comment on your situation as if it was a dating situation. And you really can't expect everyone to read everything you write as there are a lot of posters and we all dip in and out.

@VanGoghsDog yes, I get that completely. But I think that some posters need to realise that it's not as simple and easy for everyone.

For example, there's a lot of things that you can do that I simply can't. And as far as going on a date goes, I'm not going to go on a date feeling whacked out of my head and feeling like I won't enjoy it, because of course that wouldn't be fair. Likewise, I'm also not going to go on a date because some posters think I should. ❤️

@Catcrazy83

I have read everything you’ve wrote *@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards* we have actually had a similar conversation when you were having issues with another “iron” in the past and I had a different user name. You responded the same way. My advice was and is still #rule 4. Online only relationships are not real.

@Catcrazy83 okay then... I'll just go on a date feeling achey, awful, and I'll with myself, shall I? Because you've said so.

I'm sure that'll go down well, won't it?

I wish people would read my posts... I'm sorry guys, but I just feel awful repeating myself about this.

Going to go to bed now ❤️

Then why are you on dating sites? We’ve all written and read 100’s of post on here, about irons wanting pen pals, irons not being available, physically/emotionally, irons being flakes. It’s annoying and a waste of time

@Catcrazy83

Then why are you on dating sites? We’ve all written and read 100’s of post on here, about irons wanting pen pals, irons not being available, physically/emotionally, irons being flakes. It’s annoying and a waste of time

@Catcrazy83 because I want to meet someone, and I believe that someone out there will actually give me the time of day.

I don't have to justify myself to you.

I'm going to bed now because my back is starting to ache.

Good morning 😊

Today is the last day of November, 2021 is nearly over with the final December rush about to kick in

I've had an iron contact me who I haven't seen in over 2 years, she's visiting family this weekend who are local to me.

Her exact travel plans not firmed up yet so I said let me know, but Saturday afternoon would be best for me

@StartingAgain6369 the new man is called Angel.

I really must get up I have a pt session at 8am. I can't believe it's December tomorrow and nearly the end of another (covid filled )year.

@Isitreallyme177
Well I hope Angel has had a good night's sleep

Yes I really need to get going, well done for booking an early PT session I'll be thinking of you when I'm in the Costa drive thru queue at the same time ☕🙂

Checking in. I am still not really on the apps. Just talking to a couple of irons that I had matched with previously.

I have one date lined up for a week Friday. And this guy seems like a good one (but then they all do) for a first date we actually have a day planned which involved him buying tickets. Not my normal style for a date zero but eh, I figure I get on with most people even if they don't want to date me so what is there to lose.

My weekend at home alone was glorious, I cooked, ran, read and it was just what I needed.

Oh I'll catch up on the thread later but I hope everyone is doing OK!

Yess @Shayelle2009 and @Heartbeats0708 i captured her over-joyed expression after we walked through the door! 😂

@FabulousMrFifty they have everything their little floofball hearts desire ... well actually they don't because however hard they try I haven't given them a place at the table for evening meals 🤣

The little one has started her crying again. I really don't want to move her back to the utility room as it's so cold now. I don't let them share a crate anymore as in June they had a really bad fight (not in the crate) but that did used to stop her crying. Basically the big dog is supposed to be her companion because she is such a cry baby 😭

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards I know you find our comments frustrating sometimes; I wonder if there is an online community for chronic pain sufferers who are dating?

As you know I've had my health struggles over the years and have found it really helpful to follow some fellow sufferers on Instagram. I can't compare my situation to you but I do remember what it was like earlier this year, lying in bed and not knowing when I would be able to get up again. It won't surprise you to know that I tend to follow those who are very sex positive and body positive but they're a really inspiring bunch.

Look up Tara Moss the author and start from there? Granted she's not single but there are lots in that community that are. There are also fabulous artists such as Lydia Evans who work with female communities to raise up their own self image.

Be kind to yourself; look for allies and those going through the same as you are. Keep going. But forgive us if our advice doesn't hit the spot as we all have very different experiences and expectations of life.

@Naimee87 he he what a little babe!

@Isitreallyme177 oooh Angel, I like that

@Dazedandconfused10 hi 👋🏻 that sounds like a good day out and good on him for making the effort

@StartingAgain6369 it's a difficult time of year for many. I'm hoping not to get dragged down too early on; I have several marriage and bereavement related anniversaries over the next 4 weeks 🤦🏻‍♀️ must. Stay. Positive. And sober. Talking of which, I've been practically teetotal since February 4 this year which is a massive milestone if I say so myself

@Isitreallyme177 I'm loving the new man in your life. I bet you have a huge smile on your face when you see him!

@Dazedandconfused10 I say go with an open mind here and actually those 'proper' dates can be really refreshing for a change.

@StartingAgain6369 what happened with Miss Sunglasses?

@BelladiMamma hope your date goes really well with Mr Beau, I'm sure you'll be your fabulous self as always

I'm zonked out as Mr Music has called me the last two nights and we have spoken for literally hours (which I wanted to avoid but just happened!). Seeing each other next week in person. He hasn't dated for years and likes me a lot so i guess it all feels too good to be true to him. I'm very happy myself purely because I know a good thing when I see one. It's interesting from a man's side when they haven't dated for years as usually its the woman who takes the time to fix herself. I've tried to still keep my cards very close to myself though and avoid oversharing. I have a feeling he will be an insecure type over my ex and want to manage that well (my ex was abusive however had a job which men tend to be in awe of)

When I say insecure, I would like to avoid details. Similar to my friend whose ex is dating a playboy model. I know if i was her, I'd be like GRRRRRR