Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Eesha it's just practice, practice, practice. I used to take them into work and wear them around the office.

I'm desperate to go somewhere I can wear my leather pencil skirt and pink shoes, I'd wear them to coffee with Mr Cricket if I wouldn't have looked a right plonker seeing as it's a cafe in a park and he'd have probably laugh at me.🙈🤣

@BelladiMamma what a great phrase!!!! I guess I felt I wanted to wow him on the birthday however live for now!!!

@BelladiMamma, I would just interpret Mr A’s suggestion as flippant/flirtatious rather than controlling- not sure if that’s how @FabulousMrFifty sees it - controlling? To me though it’s also a statement about how you and he can be open about sex and who you are or aren’t shagging - in a ‘oh we’re both cool about this so we can compare notes on our exploits’ - would you be okay bella if he said he’d slept with someone since being home ?

@Onesmallstep67 we are quite flirtatious together & all he does is moan about how he hasn't got laid. I wouldn't mind revisiting in sext some of the fun he and I had together. He knows I kept going on date zeros whilst we were seeing each other because at best it was going to be a non monogamous long distance thing.

So on balance I hear where where you're coming from @FabulousMrFifty but he's never tried to be controlling of me so I don't think it'll start now.

@BelladiMamma it sounds to me like he isn't getting any action so doesn't want you to have any either..

Thanks to both @SpringlikeBunk and @FabulousMrFifty for your excellent insights (on different topics!) - really helpful and interesting. You guys add such great value to this thread - thank you for your openness 🤩

@BelladiMamma I was a big fan of MrA and tbh wasn't really clear why you ended things with him (geographical distance aside). But this celibacy suggestion is really weird imo. Unless it was just a flippant throwaway jokey remark, ie "it's rubbish out there in the dating world, we're better off being celibate together!"?? In which case absolutely fine (as a joke) imo.

[quote Onesmallstep67]**@BelladiMamma, I would just interpret Mr A’s suggestion as flippant/flirtatious rather than controlling- not sure if that’s how @FabulousMrFifty sees it - controlling? To me though it’s also a statement about how you and he can be open about sex and who you are or aren’t shagging - in a ‘oh we’re both cool about this so we can compare notes on our exploits’ - would you be okay bella if he said he’d slept with someone since being home ?[/quote]
I would say its being on the verge of controlling yes,
For example, I might do dry January next month, but I wouldn’t expect anyone else to.
I see this being on the same kinda level, he could be celibate for a month but why should you?

@PurpleStripyScarf @Heartbeats0708 it was jokey. And yes I was a fan of him too except when I said to him - you're treating me like your girlfriend, is that what I am, he just couldn't bring himself to say yes, I was.

…I wouldn’t expect ms Wales to do dry January, just because I’m going to and we are sleeping together, I know it’s not quite the same, but you get the gist

@FabulousMrFifty

…I wouldn’t expect ms Wales to do dry January, just because I’m going to and we are sleeping together, I know it’s not quite the same, but you get the gist

I think it's just an elaborate excuse for us both to sext each other

@FabulousMrFifty or maybe my radar is SO off that I don't get these things? 🤷🏻‍♀️

If jokey and just an elaborate excuse to sext each other then it's probably best if dozens of strangers on the internet don't overanalyse it

Yes I take your point re the girlfriend thing. But he could maybe be one of your 3 (when in the same area)...?

@PurpleStripyScarf

If jokey and just an elaborate excuse to sext each other then it's probably best if dozens of strangers on the internet don't overanalyse it

Yes I take your point re the girlfriend thing. But he could maybe be one of your 3 (when in the same area)...?

Yes. I was hoping I'd handled it well but he seemed so flummoxed by the fact that I'd classified his treatment of me as a girlfriend he kind of lost his way with me after that. Let's see. He's clearly bored and lonely 🤣 a bit like me

Bella yes aren't we all, haha!

Evening everyone.

I'm feeling off after the date today and I have no idea why.

He loved the present (I think I nailed it!). Great chat, lots of physical contact and chemistry.

I think maybe it's a vulnerability thing. Part of me was sure he was going to cancel (he didn't). Or go cold and act like he wasn't interested anymore (he didn't).

Just going to take some time out I think and wait until he's next in touch (we exchanged the usual thank yous etc as he likes to know I'm home safe). Seeing an old uni friend after work one day this week (one of the sweetest guys in the world) and have my works Xmas lunch on Friday so plenty else to keep me occupied and I'm likely to be socially burn out anyways with all that.

I think it didn't help that my kiddos had drama today so maybe that's playing into things.

I need an early night 😕

Urgh I've just ruined my nice boots by getting them caught on the car door and the stud just ripped off so now they flap so I've just ordered some more (like you do!). I also fell over on my knee which hurts as it (arthritis I think) and I knocked a whole can of coke over on the floor all over a load of plugs. Think that's 3 bad things tonight, should probably just go to bed.

@InABetterPlaceNow
Your more than likely coming down after a big adrenaline rush regarding the date and the drama with the kids. The date sounds really positive, don't over think, enjoy your up coming nights

@Isitreallyme177
You're having one of those days, tuck your self up in bed. Hope you haven't hurt your knee too badly

I may be at this precise moment sending you a loo update from my spontaneous date zero with MrPoet ☺️

Glad to report all is well so far

Ps I have deleted the app I was on and am taking a sabbatical from new irons for a while. Was very sad about MrBeau and I don't really have the right attitude for new conversations at the moment. I've started giving them lots of sarky back chat

@StartingAgain6369 thanks, the knee seems okay but the test will be doing the squats and lunges in pt tomorrow morning. I laugh at my clumsiness but I'm gonna really hurt myself one day.

@SpringlikeBunk You 'haha'-ed the wrong 50 something bloke. Easy enough to do; when you've seen one, you've seen them all. Passing on your 'haha' to @FabulousMrFifty

@FabulousMrFifty Haha

@UtterSocks Glad all is going well up north with Mr Ginger.

Not got much to add to the thread as I'm always playing catch up and the storms seem to blow over by the time I'm up to date. I'm very much enjoying working from home and listening to Isy Suttie's Podcast 'The Things We Do For Love'.

And Kelsey Lu's I'm Not In Love is gorgeous👍

@HairyArsedMan thanks for the passed on Haha, no idea where that came from, like you say, when you have one old bloke, you have seen them all, , here have a coffee on me

@Isitreallyme177
I think most of the time my clumsiness is down to me rushing around with other things on my mind and not concentrating on what I should be

Hope the PT goes well in the morning and you're not too sore

Sorry @HairyArsedMan and @FabulousMrFifty I have a good memory and think and type fast but my non-NT brain doesn’t connect sometimes - I “know” you both well and sure you are both very individual distinctive, dashing men IRL!

Only because I am massively nosey @HairyArsedMan but is Ms CanIseeyourbirthcertificate still on the scene? Well actually it’s not pure nosey ness, I have always appreciated your thoughts when you are on the thread and hoping you are in a good place dating-wise.🤞🏼