Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@Stayingstrongish

MrBeard has asked if I want to be his plus one for his work Christmas party this week. It’s been about five weeks since we met. I’m kind of awful in group situations sometimes and worried about his workmates not wanting to make awkward conversation with their colleague’s new partner. Would any of you go to a work Christmas party with a partner after knowing them not very long?

Nice to be invited, personally I’d go, but them I have no shame and love a free dinner/ drinks etc

[quote Onesmallstep67]@Stayingstrongish, how do you feel about Mr Beard ? do you feel like it'd be good fun and you could relax sufficiently to enjoy it ? I can be a bit gung-ho about some situations so I would probably go for it and enjoy it for what it is.[/quote]
“Hung-ho “, love it 😍

@VanGoghsDog, your diagnosis and explanation of how it manifests itself for you is very similar to my friend and his diagnosis is Borderline personality disorder.
I was sorry to read that you say you will probably end things with Mr WG. Can you see yourself being able to have an open conversation with him about it? I imagine it will be tough for you given that in many ways you have developed strong feelings for him. How frustrating.

@Stayingstrongish I think only go if you feel confident in yourself. Don't go if it's going to stress you out. I sortof enjoy things like this personally as I'm nosey!

@VanGoghsDog
Wow that was some post, hats off to you, but the muddy / sandy / Sandy thing would make me laugh 😂 tbh,

Mr Music is coming with me to a wedding brunch thing where I won't know tons of people and I like how ballsy he is and how he wants to show that I can be OK to bring him as a plus one. Dreaded birthdays are coming up. Why is everyone's birthday in December. Last year I went to a huge amount of effort with my ex then it all fell apart. Small meaningful gifts this year I feel.

@SpringlikeBunk I loved your MrHedgehog update! A nice night of cocktails, curry and...other things...is just the thing sometimes.
@BelladiMamma ugh for you. Probably not a fun conversation to have had but well done for doing so.
@Stayingstrongish I probably would go as others have said but if you don't feel OK about it, don't! I'm sure he'll understand.
@Eesha I am actually very excited to hear about your 2nd date! I feel like sometimes when someone is right, any rules or timelines go out of the window!
@Naimee87 it's so interesting reading about where you live, know bugger all about Switzerland so enjoying it! I feel the thread in general teaches me lots of things I hadn't known I didn't know 😅

In a bit of a mood today. MrTeacher and MrTattoo can both piss off. No, they've not done anything to upset me apart from not being Mark D'Arcy. (I'm semi-joking but God I'd love someone I'm totally sure about to come and sweep me off my feet!)
Just feeling generally disenchanted with the headspace, organisation and cute outfits that dating demands.

Thanks for the sympathy about MrBeau. He admitted that meeting me had triggered the episode as he felt so far behind in his goals whereas I appeared to be 'sorted'. I've given him a stern talking to about how he's got to be kind to himself and that dating apps are only for those with the hide of a rhinoceros 🦏

MrA has suggested I join him in a month of celibacy and we sext each other when it gets too much. I've had worse suggestions but it does leave me in the loop of having feelings for him potentially.

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on the Christmas do. It seems most of you would go! Now I wonder if he will think less of me for not going. One of the criticisms my ex threw at me was that I’m not confident enough. Really wish I was good at these situations.

@VanGoghsDog interesting that you were the only person to mention not being keen on them. My little boy is on the path to diagnosis for ASD and I think I would probably get an ASD diagnosis if I went though the process - feel too busy at the moment as a mum of young kids to go down that path though. But that is probably part of my anxiety

@Stayingstrongish

Thanks everyone for your thoughts on the Christmas do. It seems most of you would go! Now I wonder if he will think less of me for not going. One of the criticisms my ex threw at me was that I’m not confident enough. Really wish I was good at these situations.

@VanGoghsDog interesting that you were the only person to mention not being keen on them. My little boy is on the path to diagnosis for ASD and I think I would probably get an ASD diagnosis if I went though the process - feel too busy at the moment as a mum of young kids to go down that path though. But that is probably part of my anxiety

Just say you're busy or you think it's too early or you can't get a sitter. Or be honest. There are plenty of valid reasons a more 'confident' person would use for not going as it is early days for you both x

@Stayingstrongish I certainly can't comment on the dating stuff but I recently had ASD diagnosis for my son and it was very draining but definitely worthwhile. You are sensible to wait til you have the headspace. But just little things like being able to get a blue badge has really opened up our world a bit more.

@BelladiMamma yes I think if I was super into Chef I'd be excited to hear his updates, but I find it tiring and as it's literally been date zero it's just off putting not to see him recognise me as a person as another pp put it so well.

@MizK hadn't known I didn't know i'm borrowing this it's brilliant!

Still no time to catch up! I'm snowed under but really missing the chat so much! Roll on Christmas when all these fancy-schmancy managers finally swan off for celebrations and stop sending me emails.

@BelladiMamma MrNaimee! I'll see what he thinks of this new 'nick-name'... Apparently he has told his friends he's '100% occupied' which was a translation from italian and made me laugh.
My dream is to be able to get my own 40ton truck and meet him on one of my routes at the same reststop! Park up next to him. Decide which truck we'll party in or maybe do it in both! What a dream to have, sooo romaaaaantic! Oh god my mind is SO not on work is it!!!

@BelladiMamma

Thanks for the sympathy about MrBeau. He admitted that meeting me had triggered the episode as he felt so far behind in his goals whereas I appeared to be 'sorted'. I've given him a stern talking to about how he's got to be kind to himself and that dating apps are only for those with the hide of a rhinoceros 🦏

MrA has suggested I join him in a month of celibacy and we sext each other when it gets too much. I've had worse suggestions but it does leave me in the loop of having feelings for him potentially.

I’m sorry but this a crap suggestion, it smacks of ,

“I like you, but not enough to see you, but I don’t want you sleeping with other people either”

[quote MizK]@SpringlikeBunk I loved your MrHedgehog update! A nice night of cocktails, curry and...other things...is just the thing sometimes.
@BelladiMamma ugh for you. Probably not a fun conversation to have had but well done for doing so.
@Stayingstrongish I probably would go as others have said but if you don't feel OK about it, don't! I'm sure he'll understand.
@Eesha I am actually very excited to hear about your 2nd date! I feel like sometimes when someone is right, any rules or timelines go out of the window!
@Naimee87 it's so interesting reading about where you live, know bugger all about Switzerland so enjoying it! I feel the thread in general teaches me lots of things I hadn't known I didn't know 😅

In a bit of a mood today. MrTeacher and MrTattoo can both piss off. No, they've not done anything to upset me apart from not being Mark D'Arcy. (I'm semi-joking but God I'd love someone I'm totally sure about to come and sweep me off my feet!)
Just feeling generally disenchanted with the headspace, organisation and cute outfits that dating demands.[/quote]
Yeah I know, getting the cute outfits to match my size 10 plates of meat is a killer…bah humbug

@FabulousMrFifty hmmm 🤔 good call I hadn't seen it like that. He does live 100s of miles away now he's back in his hometown.

MrWG likes chastity, as in not doing anything on his own, but it's part of his kink. He likes the idea that he's doing it for me and I have control 🤷🏻‍♀️ I don't actually care what he does on his own with his genitals when he's not with me (but it does make me laugh when he phones to ask permission!).

He 100% does not expect me to be the same, he would prefer it if I was sleeping with someone else.

So for this reason alone I know he'd never cheat on me. He offered exclusivity while telling me he wouldn't object if I was seeing someone else (obviously the someone might object to this arrangement!).

But I can't see the point of a month of dual chastity, assuming you mean not sleeping with other people, if you're not due to be exclusive partners now anyway?

@NewlyJingle2021 glad you got the diagnosis for your son, brilliant that you have a blue badge now. It has been a long process so far but at least we have a date for his panel meeting now (albeit in 2023!)

@BelladiMamma thanks - I’m already going round his in the afternoon of the party and we usually see each other that night as I don’t have the kids, so I think any excuse other than honesty will seem implausible! I’ll see how I feel on the evening I think.

@VanGoghsDog @FabulousMrFifty MrA's suggestion was 'I've not met anyone, neither of you' my response was 'what to do' his was 'let's try celibacy and sexting' but no hint or promise of anything for us in the future. He's one of those people who can just switch himself off for sex I think - even though he's always said he really likes me and regards me a someone he's very close to, there's never been anything more than that. I'll ponder things. He's very genuine and respectful, and can be honest with me when asked a straight question. Maybe I'm in fallback girl position with him 🤷🏻‍♀️

[quote Stayingstrongish]@BelladiMamma thanks - I’m already going round his in the afternoon of the party and we usually see each other that night as I don’t have the kids, so I think any excuse other than honesty will seem implausible! I’ll see how I feel on the evening I think.[/quote]
Well maybe you could suggest dropping in and then if you're not feeling it you leave early but no hard feelings?

But you met Mr B, and shagged him? No?

Celibacy is only OK if it's another word for exclusivity and within a relationship, surely (other than for religious, moral or health reasons, to f course).

@MizK I sympathise with the cute dating outfits. I have a ton of outfits which I'm dithering about because I want to look fabulous for date 2 then again do I keep my best for his birthday which is 2 weeks later. I'm thinking if date goes badly, there won't be a birthday date at all! I also need @Isitreallyme177 confidence with heels at this point. It's been a while and I think my latest short dress requires low heels...

@BelladiMamma the thing is you are seeing others sortof but have you told Mr A this? To me he seems charismatic but wishy washy.

@Eesha MrA knows about MrB. Well sort of. I said I had an entanglement that wasn't working for me and that I need to exit. Hence he said he hadn't met anyone so how about we did celibacy for Christmas and kept in touch as long distance gym and sexting buddies

@VanGoghsDog yes I met him and shagged him, and have a couple of other date zero requests which I've kicked to next weekend

[quote Eesha]**@MizK* I sympathise with the cute dating outfits. I have a ton of outfits which I'm dithering about because I want to look fabulous for date 2 then again do I keep my best for his birthday which is 2 weeks later. I'm thinking if date goes badly, there won't be a birthday date at all! I also need @Isitreallyme177* confidence with heels at this point. It's been a while and I think my latest short dress requires low heels...

@BelladiMamma the thing is you are seeing others sortof but have you told Mr A this? To me he seems charismatic but wishy washy.[/quote]
Never keep your Sunday best for Sundays xx

[quote BelladiMamma]**@VanGoghsDog* @FabulousMrFifty* MrA's suggestion was 'I've not met anyone, neither of you' my response was 'what to do' his was 'let's try celibacy and sexting' but no hint or promise of anything for us in the future. He's one of those people who can just switch himself off for sex I think - even though he's always said he really likes me and regards me a someone he's very close to, there's never been anything more than that. I'll ponder things. He's very genuine and respectful, and can be honest with me when asked a straight question. Maybe I'm in fallback girl position with him 🤷🏻‍♀️ [/quote]
WTF, that’s just bonkers (and you know this), you cannot ask someone you are not in a relationship with, to not do something just to please yourself.