Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

[quote BelladiMamma]**@VanGoghsDog* you would also be welcome to house sit too!! And both you and @WeWantTheFinestWines* would be paid in the finest wines and chocolate and cake and cash.

The selfishness of some people!!!

Oh dear god. Florence nightingale mode reactivated. Have had some messages form MrBeau. I have gone full on Florence and I just want to go scoop him up and bring him home like a wounded bird and nurse him. Sorry if this is weird to some people but he painfully reminds me of my brother and I just want to look after him. Yes massive red flag alert and I should leave well alone. I just don't want to add to any of his shitty feelings. And so far I can't see any emotional blackmail going on (I've had this in the past), I think he's just being honest. And of course it does help that he says he really likes me.

Help. I need another lover to keep me distracted and away from this catnip. Or at least balance him out. [/quote]
Well. Tough talk time. For what you've said you want, he will NOT fit in with those plans - he may try to but he will hurt himself in the process and probably want more.

Do you want more?

If not, could you put strong boundaries up and make it clear you can be a friendly (sisterly ) voice for him?

@InABetterPlaceNow that's a good idea. I could just say 'I'm here for you as a friend, please let me know how I can help in that capacity'

But what if I want to jump him 😳😬

Does that unlock the FWB option? So if he's feeling strong enough to mix Dec and friendship I could do that?!

The only way to figure that out is to see him. But the flakiness levels here are high. Very high.

[quote BelladiMamma]@InABetterPlaceNow that's a good idea. I could just say 'I'm here for you as a friend, please let me know how I can help in that capacity'

But what if I want to jump him 😳😬

Does that unlock the FWB option? So if he's feeling strong enough to mix Dec and friendship I could do that?!

The only way to figure that out is to see him. But the flakiness levels here are high. Very high. [/quote]
*sex not Dec

[quote BelladiMamma]@InABetterPlaceNow that's a good idea. I could just say 'I'm here for you as a friend, please let me know how I can help in that capacity'

But what if I want to jump him 😳😬

Does that unlock the FWB option? So if he's feeling strong enough to mix Dec and friendship I could do that?!

The only way to figure that out is to see him. But the flakiness levels here are high. Very high. [/quote]
Well, if he flakes then as long as you aren't getting attached (and if it's FWB, you won't, right? ) then it matters little. You have plenty more Irons on the go.

I think it's fine as long as you are SUPER clear with him. Otherwise, with all love, it wouldn't be fair on him. He sounds like he needs therapy someone who won't mess with his feelings ❤️

In reply to my previous post, shall I quickly install tinder and do some quick ONSs to get some practice in?!

Joking... obviously... probably....

@InABetterPlaceNow

In reply to my previous post, shall I quickly install tinder and do some quick ONSs to get some practice in?!

Joking... obviously... probably....

I wouldn't want to be flippant ... but ... it's an option 🤣

@BelladiMamma step away from the Beau.
Even if you can manage sex and friendship with him (unlikely due to injured bird/Florence nightingale features) then in all likelihood it really won't do him any good.
@InABetterPlaceNow I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but really, don't overthink it. And absolutely DON'T overdiscuss it with Mr Tux, no good will come of that and you both may end up overpromising or being disappointed because it wasn't how you'd planned.
You've established that in theory you both want to, great. Consider sexual health and contraception issues (easily sorted with condoms) and just let it play out organically!
Sex is fabulous, empowering, fun and liberating. It's also messy and often embarrassing in one way or another! Embrace it 😍

[quote Heartbeats0708]@BelladiMamma step away from the Beau.
Even if you can manage sex and friendship with him (unlikely due to injured bird/Florence nightingale features) then in all likelihood it really won't do him any good.
@InABetterPlaceNow I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but really, don't overthink it. And absolutely DON'T overdiscuss it with Mr Tux, no good will come of that and you both may end up overpromising or being disappointed because it wasn't how you'd planned.
You've established that in theory you both want to, great. Consider sexual health and contraception issues (easily sorted with condoms) and just let it play out organically!
Sex is fabulous, empowering, fun and liberating. It's also messy and often embarrassing in one way or another! Embrace it 😍[/quote]
Excellent advice. Thank you for being the voice of reason!!

@BelladiMamma 🤣😂🤣 It definitely is. Been there, done that (ONSs not tinder). Hopefully it's just like riding a bike as they say....

[quote Heartbeats0708]@BelladiMamma step away from the Beau.
Even if you can manage sex and friendship with him (unlikely due to injured bird/Florence nightingale features) then in all likelihood it really won't do him any good.
@InABetterPlaceNow I know this is going to fall on deaf ears but really, don't overthink it. And absolutely DON'T overdiscuss it with Mr Tux, no good will come of that and you both may end up overpromising or being disappointed because it wasn't how you'd planned.
You've established that in theory you both want to, great. Consider sexual health and contraception issues (easily sorted with condoms) and just let it play out organically!
Sex is fabulous, empowering, fun and liberating. It's also messy and often embarrassing in one way or another! Embrace it 😍[/quote]
😭😭😭

You're right. Help. Catnip central. It would help if he wasn't quite so beautiful.

@InABetterPlaceNow I think @Heartbeats0708 advice is way better. I bloody love sex, me. But the first time can often be a bit 'eek!' So don't get too wound up about it if possible. Maybe have a good gym sesh the day before or something to blow the cobwebs away?

[quote BelladiMamma]**@InABetterPlaceNow* I think @Heartbeats0708* advice is way better. I bloody love sex, me. But the first time can often be a bit 'eek!' So don't get too wound up about it if possible. Maybe have a good gym sesh the day before or something to blow the cobwebs away? [/quote]
I mean, with chemistry so far I'm pretty sure my mind will be the last thing in the way when it actually happens. It's just the in between bit that gets me. So I think he was right with just "getting it out of the way" (he didn't say that but he knows at this point I overthink) last week, uck.

I have some issues around it. Wasn't a problem with ONSs as I was the kind of girl to wake up on the morning, they'd ask for my number... I'd say "oh I'm sorry, my phones out of battery and I don't know it off by heart. Got a pen? Just write it on my arm and I'll TOTALLY call you"

"Bye! Umm ... you".

But I actually LIKE this guy 😂

@BelladiMamma you know it's a bad idea in your head, it's just that feisty heart you need to keep in check.
Put it into perspective- not even that long ago, you didn't know him. Or Mr A, who was catnippy too.
Said very very gently, I think you might be projecting some grief around your brother and marriage breakup, and that's not helping you to see things as clearly as you normally would. Sit tight, acknowledge, breathe through it.

[quote Heartbeats0708]@BelladiMamma you know it's a bad idea in your head, it's just that feisty heart you need to keep in check.
Put it into perspective- not even that long ago, you didn't know him. Or Mr A, who was catnippy too.
Said very very gently, I think you might be projecting some grief around your brother and marriage breakup, and that's not helping you to see things as clearly as you normally would. Sit tight, acknowledge, breathe through it.[/quote]
You're right. I'm totally in that mode. Anyway who's MrA? Do I know him?

🤦🏻‍♀️ jeez I'm a car crash but - I'm owning it.

Need to join that swanky gym and go have some me time, so some yoga and just swan about there and forget about the catnip

@InABetterPlaceNow
I’m feeling the same about ms W when it comes to “quickly alone time” & performance, but really don’t worry about, practice is the only way & he is probably feeling the same way

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@InABetterPlaceNow
I’m feeling the same about ms W when it comes to “quickly alone time” & performance, but really don’t worry about, practice is the only way & he is probably feeling the same way[/quote]
He seems quite confident 😅 I think that's what's unnerving me.

I have experience. I know what I'm doing (though ofc there's the whole learning your partner thing).

It will be fiiiine.

I hope.

Will not overthink. I expect we'll set a date on Monday or I'll suggest going halves on a local hotel on to get it out of the way there and then

Worst case, it's terrible, we never speak again, then I can trawl OLD for other intellectual geeks with emotional intelligence and awesome hugs who can cook 🤪

bella and vangogh I'm in the Southwest but expect to be in the market for more house sitting gigs in future - not averse to travelling.

bella be careful with Mr Beau's heart. inabetter don't overthink this thing to death. Try to allow yourself to go with the flow - you have good comms and will navigate whatever happens. It should be fun!

@WeWantTheFinestWines

bella and vangogh I'm in the Southwest but expect to be in the market for more house sitting gigs in future - not averse to travelling.

bella be careful with Mr Beau's heart. inabetter don't overthink this thing to death. Try to allow yourself to go with the flow - you have good comms and will navigate whatever happens. It should be fun!

I'd be really happy to talk about house sitting. I normally try to get away in non pandemic times every few weeks to see my Dad in France and also further flung family in Ireland and Scotland. Obviously this has been seriously curtailed these last few months.

I will be careful with him. He's very lovely

OMG.
Time for a rant, sorry about this.
I’m working tonight from 9 till about 4am Sunday morning, and have 2 guys helping me, both who have done this task before and they keep asking me the most stupid and obvious questions, honestly it’s like hearding cats

Are you coming to London meetup Bella? I'll be fresh from my inaugural house sitting experience then so it would be a great time to have a chat?

@InABetterPlaceNow
A hotel is actually a pretty good option (not that I ever done this 😄), but is neutral territory and if it’s not very good 1st time, you just go out for dinner and try again,

.. and then try again in the morning….

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@InABetterPlaceNow
A hotel is actually a pretty good option (not that I ever done this 😄), but is neutral territory and if it’s not very good 1st time, you just go out for dinner and try again,

.. and then try again in the morning….[/quote]
I'm super tempted to suggest this on Monday. Adventures!!

@FabulousMrFifty

OMG. Time for a rant, sorry about this. I’m working tonight from 9 till about 4am Sunday morning, and have 2 guys helping me, both who have done this task before and they keep asking me the most stupid and obvious questions, honestly it’s like hearding cats

Grit teeth. Be smug in your superiority.

@WeWantTheFinestWines

Are you coming to London meetup Bella? I'll be fresh from my inaugural house sitting experience then so it would be a great time to have a chat?

Yes 👍🏻

@WeWantTheFinestWines house sitting sounds amazing, you’ve given me inspiration for my next holiday! I’m trying to save money at the moment and seems a great way to see a new area and get to hang around with animals! (Although I’d need a sitter for mine, ha!)

@BelladiMamma he may be beautiful but it sounds like you are also saying he will drain you… I’d be wary and start looking elsewhere. If you’re anything like me you will feel way more attached after Sex too (and possibly empty and regretful if you know it’s going to be complicated)

@InABetterPlaceNow my solution is usually a couple of drinks but not sure that’s the wisest advice :) I’d just focus on how nice everything feels (which hopefully it will) and get lost in the moment. What exactly are you worried about (if you’re comfy sharing)?