Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

@BelladiMamma how old is your daughter? Ask her, she might appreciate time vegging out without you clucking, and you can also have a night out. Just keep your phone on.

My ex-husband has emailed to ask for a favour😂
After emotionally abusing me for years, having numerous emotional affairs, stalking/harassing me when we split, slashing Mr K's tyre on his vehicle, emotionally abusing and gaslighting our daughter, shagging a family member of mine (since we split) but denying it what the feck did he think I would say🤦‍♀️

Interestingly my first thought was No and that I could make other suggestions- its the fixer/florence nightingale in me.
In the end I went with 'No'

No is a complete sentence and there is no need to say more.

I'm very proud of myself 😇

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

Well done @SortingItOut :) Sounds like a perfectly formed sentence to me.

@StartingAgain33 my mother is like that. No matter what you do, how hard you try, and with kindness and infinite patience, you are still treated like a punching bag. Hard isn’t it??!?

Interesting chats about money. I’ve always earned more than partners, I used to end up subsidising our lives, the last partner was very macho and don’t think he liked it. But that’s someone elses problem now 😬

@SortingItOut that's brilliant. Absolutely baffling that he would have the nerve to ask you for anything but there we are.

@VanGoghsDog really sorry that your sister upset you. Hope you're alright?

@Shayelle2009 have a lovely trip away!

@Eesha cleaning in onesies is cute, don't you just love the house once it's had a good going over! Have a lovely cosy weekend with the kids.

I have been catching up with the thread as been a busy week, so think I'm more or less up to speed with what everyone is up to?

I've had a bit of a wobble. MrTattoo (just friends as when we tried to sleep together it just didn't click) and I have been talking loads. He'll ring me for a quick hello and we'll have the longest, funniest chats and I feel I can say anything to him. When I had dinner with friends the other night, they all said I sounded so smitten with him and I clearly have feelings for him. Genuinely hadn't thought I did but now I'm questioning myself. Seeing MrTeacher tonight for dinner and a sleepover at his but I don't know what I feel about him beyond physical chemistry.
It's very confusing - it's like I wish I could combine them into one person.

[quote StartingAgain33]@BelladiMamma wow that’s amazing about your friend - 50!! Stories like that give me hope. And she used her own egg? Incredible.

Oh I feel for you being isolated for ages. How old is your daughter?? and how Ill is she…? Do you think she’d mind if you had a day out?

@Shayelle2009 have a fab time away!

@VanGoghsDog I also share a love for live music. What kind is it?[/quote]
I don't know when she extracted the egg or how planned it was. She's quite a trail blazer in her own way, I've known her since we were kids and she's never done anything the conventional way 😊

[quote Eesha]@BelladiMamma how old is your daughter? Ask her, she might appreciate time vegging out without you clucking, and you can also have a night out. Just keep your phone on.[/quote]
I've left her home alone. There's a power cut so my Mum is taking her some hot food

@SortingItOut

My ex-husband has emailed to ask for a favour😂 After emotionally abusing me for years, having numerous emotional affairs, stalking/harassing me when we split, slashing Mr K's tyre on his vehicle, emotionally abusing and gaslighting our daughter, shagging a family member of mine (since we split) but denying it what the feck did he think I would say🤦‍♀️

Interestingly my first thought was No and that I could make other suggestions- its the fixer/florence nightingale in me.
In the end I went with 'No'

No is a complete sentence and there is no need to say more.

I'm very proud of myself 😇

Hope everyone has a good weekend.

🤦🏻‍♀️

Yes, 'no' is a complete sentence

@MizK ooh wow that sounds like a bit of a challenge

Are you monogamous with MrT?

Date zero with MrBet on Monday. Will only be a casual thing for sure as we don't have enough in common for me to have that deep connection I normally love. But he's got a wicked sense of humour.

Date two with MissBrazil is very hard to get in the diary - we are both busy Mums. I was very intimidated by her when we first met but I've decided to let go of that. She can't help it if she's extremely hot and quite tall!!

Ignoring other date zero requests from MrChef, MrPoet and a new one, MrDublin until the new year.

Hey everyone! Just checking in. I'm feeling really up and down right now and hoping things will settle down. So frustrated at myself!

But above everything else, I have been completely reassured that Mr Tux is one of the good ones. Along with all the other attractive qualities he has. He's so consistent and kind and validating towards my feels. It's really throwing me off 😅

Can't wait till I see him on Monday and give him his gift... while also wanting to run away from this as, in his words, this does indeed "have potential".

Distracting myself with lots of housework and busy-ness while he sends cute updates of what he's doing with DD for her birthday weekend...

[quote StartingAgain33]@BelladiMamma wow that’s amazing about your friend - 50!! Stories like that give me hope. And she used her own egg? Incredible.

Oh I feel for you being isolated for ages. How old is your daughter?? and how Ill is she…? Do you think she’d mind if you had a day out?

@Shayelle2009 have a fab time away!

@VanGoghsDog I also share a love for live music. What kind is it?[/quote]
It's not live music, it's just one band. That's why my sister tales he piss out of me. :)

I've not told her about my ASD and ADD diagnosis.....

Sorry your sister and mum make you feel so bad @VanGoghsDog. Reducing contact to a bare minimum sounds like the best thing you can do in that respect.

Hi all,

Just popping in to say thank you to @Shayelle2009 and everyone else for the get well messages.

I'm on my new medication now (anatriptaline) which is helping.

I'm not going to meet anyone new yet, because I'd rather get my health sorted first, but I'll get there ❤️😘

Ps @BelladiMamma sorry to hear about your asthma. My mum has it, so I know how bad it can feel. Hope you get well soon ❤️😘

@OnwardsEverStridingOnwards
Great to hear you are feeling better

Well I've just had one of those nice interactions that you randomly get. I was out for a walk, when a dog comes towards me being walked by this guy and his little daughter, so the guy apologises because the dog would get me muddy, we walk chatting(it's a new puppy, and he thought now the kids were older he'd get a lie in but they got a puppy🤣) until I get to the car park and go off on my way. It was really nice as so many people just don't bother. He was quite nice looking too, but obviously not single.

@VanGoghsDog why should anyone take the piss out of someone for going to see a band they enjoy. At least you have a passion and are enjoying your life. My little boy probably has ASD (trying to get a diagnosis but takes a while through NHS).

@InABetterPlaceNow lovely to hear things are going well!

I had another nice weekend with Mr Beard. He cooked for me, we saw a film and went out for some coffee and food, watched a TV series we both liked.

Was reading the comments about money differences earlier in the thread. I think he probably earns a lot more than me but I want to keep my finances separate from any partner long-term anyway. As long as someone isn’t expecting me to pay for everything I’m happy. We end up splitting most stuff or take it in turns to pay.

Happy weekend everyone. It's been interesting to read all the various discussions although I don't feel I've got much to add. I've got my kids this weekend so am having a needed break from the dating merry-go-round! I've got a possible date zero on weds but, to be honest, I'm so busy with Christmas social events that I don't have time for dates until the new year! Which is very unusual for me but welcome.

Hope all are having good weekends

@Isitreallyme177 doggie-based interactions like that are one of the biggest advantages of keeping a dog I find. I have WFH for over 20 years so I don’t mix much with people, but I find I’m almost guaranteed at least one cheery greeting at least, whenever I take my pooch out. Unless it’s pissing down of course 😂 as then the streets are completely deserted.

[quote Shayelle2009]@StartingAgain33 my mother is like that. No matter what you do, how hard you try, and with kindness and infinite patience, you are still treated like a punching bag. Hard isn’t it??!?

Interesting chats about money. I’ve always earned more than partners, I used to end up subsidising our lives, the last partner was very macho and don’t think he liked it. But that’s someone elses problem now 😬[/quote]
I’ve been the same, always out earned partners as well, sometimes it but tricky a d you kinda think you be picking up every bill by being the higher earner

@VanGoghsDog that’s funny, I’ve just been diagnosed ADHD and the psych has said I should also get test for asd. I was taking concerta for a bit but I think I’ve decided I want to try and manage adhd / associated anxiety with exercise and cleaning living etc (which ironically I find almost impossible to do as I find routine and structure incredibly hard) instead of the drugs route

@FabulousMrFifty we tend to split things at the mo but yes in time, I imagine I’d end up paying more things (I have in the past)