Thread 219: Dating in a winter wonderland

[Shayelle2009]

The Rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. Know your worth.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread. 11. Treat others as you'd like to be treated 12. Any relationship you have that could get ruined by having a conversation about your feelings, standards and/or expectations wasn't really stable enough to begin with 13. The things you choose to ignore/ tolerate now are the reasons you will break up in the future 14. OLD can get very time consuming. Keep doing other activities you enjoy.

Optional: Please give your irons (potential dates you are talking to) nicknames like Mr Scottish. Initials are allowed (Mr S) when you are an item

I'm quite jealous of everyone having Christmas parties, ours was cancelled as my work are being strict on numbers in buildings and there are only 3 in my department so we usually go to the big one for the whole office which we do on site (which I help organise as part of the social committee).

Oh and the cat has finally come out from under my bed.

Light hearted question for the ladies.
How tall is too tall, (I’m 6ft) was in the supermarket earlier today and there was a lad who must have been 7ft tall - his partner looked abut 5ft or so, looked almost comical

I don't have a problem with them being too tall. As long as they aren't shorter than me in my ridiculously high heels. The taller the better. 😆

@Isitreallyme177

I don't have a problem with them being too tall. As long as they aren't shorter than me in my ridiculously high heels. The taller the better. 😆

@Isitreallyme177 I think you should define ridiculously or post a pic

I think over 6'5" is possibly too tall. And I'm 5'6" so not particularly short.

@StartingAgain6369 4 maybe 5 inch stilettos are my go to. These aren't even my highest.

3 of my cousins are over 6'5. It's not dating that's the problem, it's all the short guys trying to square up to them in the pub!

@BelladiMamma I totally hear you on photos of exes popping up. I had to find out how to stop my iPhone showing my memories this week as my ex kept popping up every day. The one that got with someone else the week after we’d broken up because he felt things were a bit ‘flat’ (of course they were, I’d just nursed my dad through cancer and he’d died. I’d also nursed this bloke through cancer for 2 years which he seemed to want to entirely forget so he could move on to someone over ten years younger).

Surprise surprise she’s rich and he’s living in a massive £2million house her parents have given them. He always had a knack for sniffing out people that could serve him in some way. It’s uncanny. Even though I know this I still feel like shit and like I was discarded for a younger happier model because I became boring (I was basically traumatised from being his primary carer, and then my dads primary carer). I wish I didn’t care anymore but those pics bought everything back for me this week and I made the mistake of looking at her bloody Instagram which I haven’t done in over a year.

Its not about writing a message when you've had a few drinks, and you accidently press send and predictive text had put huge spiderseason!🤣

@StartingAgain33 yeah ... the digital world. I'm sure there's some fix on YouTube that we could look up and then FB and photos etc wouldn't send us memories of particular photos or people.

I was going to watch Marriage Story tonight because it might make me cry and help me to access my emotions. I think I live in a perpetual state of fright and shock about my marriage. Especially because I found out about the ex's affair whilst I was organising my brother's funeral (a particularly traumatic death and logistics post death).

In other news I've had some fun screen shotting some absolute classic opening lines on my feeld profile and sending them to friends for laughs. Seems cruel but I do protect the innocent and I don't show names or faces. Am thinking of setting up a comedy account 🤣

Oh god that sounds like a really traumatic breakup @BelladiMamma - I’m so sorry. How long were you together for?

Opening liners are great aren’t they. I must say I found the men on feeld really extreme! Think I was on there for one day day, met an absolute filth bag (in a good way), then got distracted by him and came off the app - happily as I was getting unsolicitied d*ck pics etc!

@StartingAgain33

Oh god that sounds like a really traumatic breakup *@BelladiMamma* - I’m so sorry. How long were you together for?

Opening liners are great aren’t they. I must say I found the men on feeld really extreme! Think I was on there for one day day, met an absolute filth bag (in a good way), then got distracted by him and came off the app - happily as I was getting unsolicitied d*ck pics etc!

20 years 😞

I've been really lucky with my feeld guys. They've got great chat and if they don't I just disconnect immediately.

I've recently updated my profile to give a bit of info about my nationality as people always ask and got this gem in response

I think 6 foot 2 is maybe my limit… I’m 5’4 and get a big crick in my neck from kissing even 6 footers! Clearly I need some stilettos…

Hahaha, that’s a great response - and a great mix @BelladiMamma! Do you have an accent? I have a friend who is half Italian and half Glaswegian and his accent is amazing.

God 20 years. Of course you have a lot of mourning to do. My longest relationship was a lot shorter and I’m still bitter 3 years on as you can see… Although i think traumatic endings stick with you as you can’t see them coming. Every other relationship breakup for me has been relatively easy in comparison.

@SpringlikeBunk I would be up for the London meet if it’s open to anyone!

@Isitreallyme177
Nice shoes, don’t think I could get one of my big toes in !
As an early present to my these, gorgeous or what!, hardly party material

@BelladiMamma
6’5, yeah that would make me short 😂😂, would still have a crack though

@StartingAgain33

Hahaha, that’s a great response - and a great mix *@BelladiMamma*! Do you have an accent? I have a friend who is half Italian and half Glaswegian and his accent is amazing.

God 20 years. Of course you have a lot of mourning to do. My longest relationship was a lot shorter and I’m still bitter 3 years on as you can see… Although i think traumatic endings stick with you as you can’t see them coming. Every other relationship breakup for me has been relatively easy in comparison.

No I only lived in Scotland for 2 years and France the same amount. I actually had elocution lessons in my VIth form except they were disguised as 'presentation and interview skills'. Load a shite 🤣

And yes I'm Glaswegian but that side of the family is 2nd generation Irish so at least both sides of me are Catholic so there's no arguing there 🤣

It's actually making more sense to me now that I think about the two shocks coming at once and actually I prioritised focusing on the grief for my brother and just dealt with surviving in the marriage until I was strong enough to leave. Then of course I had a horrible divorce because people with money always make it harder grrrr

Having said all that your path doesn't sound easy either and I commend you for not being bitter. It's the only way forward really isn't it?

[quote StartingAgain33]@SpringlikeBunk I would be up for the London meet if it’s open to anyone![/quote]
It definitely is!

@StartingAgain33

More the merrier watch this space - I know a few people are looking at hotels and booking transport and others leaving it till later - I’ll do periodic reminders and aim for WhatsApp group closer to the day.

[quote FabulousMrFifty]@Isitreallyme177
Nice shoes, don’t think I could get one of my big toes in !
As an early present to my these, gorgeous or what!, hardly party material

@BelladiMamma
6’5, yeah that would make me short 😂😂, would still have a crack though[/quote]
I've always been in admiration of how they just shrug their shoulders and say 'don't wanna hurt no one little man, so let's not start anything' and walk away. All 3 of them. My brother was 6'1 and a fighter, I've never know anyone to get in so many street fights 🤦🏻‍♀️ but he was always always sticking up for someone. His and now my BFF told me the other day that I'd never had any boyfriends at school for a reason. I was 'oh I just thought no one fancied me' and BFF was 'er no, they knew who your brother was' 🤣

I have no height preferences though prefer a bit stockier.

My gut instinct always is it’s challenging enough to get “the essential boxes ticked” like reciprocally interested in me, matching schedules, kind, has my best interests at heart, no baggage or weird living situations (eg nightmare families or “friends” with anyone who turned them down on a first date) , treats me well etc right.

So it makes more sense to drop any superficial non-essentials like height and eye colour etc?

Of course physical attraction is important (and prefer not too alternative looking or long hair) but I’d try to keep my options open.

@FabulousMrFifty but yours are more practical and probably less painful.

That’s really interesting @BelladiMamma, yea I think it’s basically impossible to handle that much grief at once. I lost my dad and my ex in quick succession and it was my dad that took the backseat as the ex was still there, we were arguing etc and trying to work out what to do, then we had to live together while working the notice on our flat, then I had to move etc etc - such a long drawn out process I didn’t have it in me really to ‘grieve’ my dad. But then I’d done so much grieving beforehand, I was just totally shattered tbh. I think I spent the next year basically floating in shock (and dating quite intensely - it was a promiscuous year for me!)

Thanks @SpringlikeBunk, sounds like fun :)

What do people think about judging people on money situations? As I’m 37 and wanting a child I feel like I should be prioritising guys with their shit together, but I also don’t want to sack someone off because they don’t earn much if they’re lovely. I’m dating a guy now (for the past 2 months maybe) who I realised this week has not a penny to rub together. He has a great job now, not sure how well paid it is, and is starting to save. He’s had adverse life circumstances (looking after brother with cancer for five years) which I think had held him back. I don’t want to judge him on this but the reason it worries me is because he’s said he wants to be in a better financial position before having kids…. I do have my own house though and I reckon enough savings to have one so maybe he could change his mind on that as it’s just a practicality? It’s so early I don’t want to put a weird pressure on things by asking but it’s playing on my mind… he had to borrow £400 from someone this month to cover an unexpected bill which at 37 doesn’t seem ideal. He’s also been living in a very expensive flat in Hackney which he def can’t afford which seems a bit silly (he’s looking for someone here cheaper now; he said he just wanted to enjoy living somewhere nice for a bit when he moved to London six months ago)…